Oh, where to start. Married over 20 years. When cross breaks things. Often my things. First happened over 15 years ago when he pulled a favourite pair of my knickers to pieces - no he wasn't ripping them off 
& since then has broken various things including his own briefcase (by stamping on it - god he looked pathetic) 
& more worryingly three pairs of my spectacles on separate occasions, pulled from my face while I was reading in bed. Once he also destroyed as many of my pairs of single-use contact lenses as he could get his hands on as well - that rather backfired as I had to wear my spare glasses that he doesn't like. He was very remorseful. Last weekend he threw his alarm clock at the wall - cross because he was late getting packed for a trip - all my fault apparently for having a "dinner party" - the friend who was travelling with him stayed the night & we had dinner which I cooked. Wine was drunk. Fun was had. He was disorganised. It missed me by six inches - apparently he wasn't aiming at me, but was just cross. He is still away & I have texted that I'm thinking very carefully about our relationship. He is apparently horrified, loves me so much, needs my support, is very stressed at work (he is - he has loads piling up, but a lot of that is because he just leaves & leaves & leaves stuff till it's so late he's getting into serious trouble). There have been occasional violent acts towards me over the years - pretty low-key & not very often (I know once is too often) & I must admit I've given as good as I've got. I don't want to leave him really - deep down I love him, but I must say I no longer find him particularly attractive - I find his attitude to jobs & the piling up of tasks, including piles (literally) of unprocessed stuff in the house a complete turn-off. He knows this. He knows there'd be sex if he made me happy, made me feel appreciated. I suppose I withhold sex deliberately which is pretty crap especially if we had more sex he'd probably feel more like tackling the other stuff but it seems we've reached an impasse. He tells me he loves me often & effusively. I hardly ever say it to him. I texted yesterday that telling me wasn't enough, he does nothing for me & doesn't show me he loves me. He texted "SORRY!!!" He rang tonight & we had a calm conversation about DS's school project - neither of us mentioned our relationship. We both had affairs around 12 years ago & worked hard to put things right, but I'm not really sure the marriage was ever that good, even before the affairs. My main reason for making the marriage work afterwards was to prevent the OW (my "friend") "winning". The house is a tip & we have to shift piles of his stuff in order to sit on the chairs in the lounge which I hate, so mostly I spend my evenings on the hard chairs at the kitchen table probably getting piles & we hardly ever have visitors because he reckons he's too embarrassed by the mess, yet won't bloody well do anything about it. It's 90% his stuff too - ok I could chuck it out, but I'm frightened about what he might do to my things - I know they're only possessions, but I don't want to risk it. I'm intelligent - how the fuck have I ended up like this? I sound so pathetic.
