Awkward Situation to say the least

[goodbyekitty1]

So I've met a new man, I'm 22 and he's 25 and we've only been dating for a few months now but I really like him and he's recently taken me home to meet his family as he's not from my area originally.
I met his younger brother and to my surprise I discover that when i was in university roughly two years ago, I actually slept with his brother and one of his friends at the same time. I know that he remembers this as we've spoken about it and he's agreed not to tell my boyfriend and give me the choice of telling him or not.
What should i do?! if i tell him, i might lose him for good.

What's with the face CoffeeTea?

Wonderful Coffee. Absolutely wonderful.

OP, you could have slept with 1000 men at the same time, it doesn't make you any less worthy of respect or love. And never let anyone tell you otherwise.

That makes no sense. What are you trying To say?

Another vote for telling the new man, without going into massive detail as to do so is impolite. Just 'Blimey, I knew your brother. Yes, I mean 'knew'. It was years ago. Small world, haha.'

For one thing, if your new man is a silly sod with a madonna/whore complex or a negative attitude towards women, best to find out now then you can walk away.

Tell him. Otherwise what happens if his bro starts trying it on after a few years.

Abby and Coffee wtf? Threesomes are not at all unusual. Not in college/early 20s. They are probably more common in some circles than others, but I really doubt it has made the OP the subject of derision in the past. I've had them. I know other people who have. I know other people who haven't but who know people who have. We were young and single. Frankly no one batted an eye. Everyone I still know who to my knowledge had one is now settled happily, married, kids, jobs, blah blah blah. It does not exactly stamp you with a giant red letter A.

goodbye you do need to tell him. And I would not lie. I wouldn't go into detail! But all you really have to say is "er darling this is very awkward but I have to tell you, a few years back I had a threesome one night with your brother and another friend. We were in college and having a lot of fun being young. I hope it won't be weird for you to know this -- I mean I appreciate it might take you a minute to process the information, but it didn't mean anything, so hope it won't bother you."

Also remember that there's a good chance brother told brother about his uni exploits when it happened...! Then the realisation of the boyfriend as he remembers this.. Sorry OP, I doubt this is a keeper once he knows, and you must tell him.

Also re: this: I would be amazed if the (other) brother hasn’t boasted about his threesome and called the female participant a slag,slut, whatever.We know guys.

The men I know/knew who had threesomes never, ever slut-shamed the girls who slept with them. Sure, there was often a bit of giggling and innuendo the next day, but it was friendly and went both ways. So I don't think we know guys. I think you know assholes and I know nice, cool guys who have some class and decency.

Class and decency eh keatsie mmm whatever ...

Well, yes.

My point was that slut-shaming is nasty and wrong and there's no reason to do it yourself or to assume a man will do it.

I don't understand the 'playing it down' and saying you dated. In my mind dating = you actually liked each other and connected on some level whereas a threesome at uni is just a bit of fun

I too have been in a similar situation. I slept with dh's brother years ago when we were very young his best friend too

That said you've got to tell him. It'll sound worse the longer you don't

I said it wasn't my bag. I never said I would never indulge in 'the act' either. You know you can write the word threesome without your vagina sealing up don't you?

Threesome threesome threesome threesome.... Go on give it a go.

Just said it's not my bag to illustrate that I'm defending the op rather than myself.

I think he should know, even though it was a long time ago like others have says these things tend to come out of the woodwork.

If you want to make a judgement the rule is it normally has to be based on something more objective than prejudice abbykins btw. Also even if you want to judge there is no need to slut shame.

Adora was referring to your post where you advised the op to say she was so drunk she didn't know what she was doing. Implying the brother exploited her drunken state to have sex with her that she didn't consent to. Not difficult to understand if you understand rape/consent.

Think you seem to have many issues with sex tbh.

My DH had a varied sex life before me, and had a fling with a close friend and a fling with a very close family friend who is more like family to me.
I knew all this very early on in the relationship, as he was open and honest with me and so were they, infact I knew of him, through my friends boasting of the gorgeous man they were shagging when they were having the flings. Everyone has a past, and I'm glad I didn't have any second thoughts as he's been a fantastic partner.
If him and my friends had agreed with each other to Lie to me by omission though and it would have come out later on, I would have finished it and felt extremely betrayed. Your boyfriend may probably even know of you through his brother, as men like women talk about sex etc with each other. I would tell him sooner rather than later, although be prepared for the relationship to end, I'm not sure some men could cope with their partner having had a three way with the brother and photographic evidence involved as well. Not to say what you did was wrong, but everyone has different boundaries when it comes to relationships.

If you keep it secret it will only blow up in your face later on.

The only thing worse than not telling him is telling him a half truth like "we went on a date..." or "had a snog".