Awkward Situation to say the least

[goodbyekitty1]

So I've met a new man, I'm 22 and he's 25 and we've only been dating for a few months now but I really like him and he's recently taken me home to meet his family as he's not from my area originally.
I met his younger brother and to my surprise I discover that when i was in university roughly two years ago, I actually slept with his brother and one of his friends at the same time. I know that he remembers this as we've spoken about it and he's agreed not to tell my boyfriend and give me the choice of telling him or not.
What should i do?! if i tell him, i might lose him for good.

[Hedgehead]

I will get flamed but I suggest you say to your boyfriend that you and his brother 'went on a date' at university but it didn't go anywhere relationship-wise.

I know this is lying, but learning something like that could ruin a perfectly good relationship.

Giving him the where/when/how you knew each other from before in a factual way, at least stops any sense of keeping something from him, but I don't think it would help things at all to tell him you slept together, especially if it means absolutely NOTHING now

[lavenderhoney]

Does it bother you?

You could say " omg, I knew your db at uni and we had a ons with a maje friend. I'm not into doing that at all now, but seeing as your db was there... I thought you'd want to know. In case you were serious about me"

It wouldn't bother me, but it depends what he thinks of his db. Are they close and would db have boasted to his db he had a threesome with a girl and another guy? Anyway its in the past, and really none of his business. Although he might need time to think about it. And ask his db.

I doubt parents would get to know of it, surely, unless you all get drunk and argumentative.

Of course, the db may well never say anything. Because if you get married to your bf, he would have to tell any gf, wouldn't he? In case you got drunk and blabbed:)

[Botanicbaby]

unusually for me, I think I'm in the same camp as carryondancing and would say that this one is best left where it belongs, in the past. It was a one off, before you met him. As long as you and brother don't exchange knowing glances and discuss it any further. Very unfortunate that it happens to be your new man's brother but I would at least give the relationship a bit longer before you take any decisive action.

I'm sure the brother would rather it was left in the past too? Unless he's a right tosser/troublemaker/immature.

However, if you do decide to go ahead and tell your bf, then be truthful about it. Don't try to sweeten it or tell lies which will further entangle you. Good luck whatever you decide.

[Twinklestein]

Not mentioning it is a lie by omission Botanic, and seriously - do you really expect the brother not to blab? Of course he will.

It's much better coming from the OP.

[Viviennemary]

I'd find this too uncomfortable to continue the relationship I'm afraid. But you can't have this hanging over you for the rest of your life wondering if it will ever come out. So you will have to tell because you will never be sure somebody won't say something.

[Discomama]

Yep, fess up! These things always always come out....don't you watch Eastenders?!

Tell him the truth before you get too involved and let him decide whether he still wants a relationship with you or not - good luck

[Abbykins1]

I would be amazed if the (other) brother hasn’t boasted about his threesome and called the female participant a slag,slut, whatever.We know guys.

Won’t THE brother be amused when he finds out it’s his g/f.

[Offred]

Why are you using every post as an opportunity to slut shame abbykins? "We know guys"? It's you being offensive and being judgemental with this op and we've never met the other people to judge whether they would be. If they would be, they would also be out of order. Why on earth would the op want to be involved with a man who talked about women that way?!

To me whether it might come out or whether it might be too much for him to cope with is less important than telling the truth in a timely fashion. I wouldn't want to be that person who tricks someone else into a relationship with me. I would want to treat my partner with respect so we had an equal relationship even if it meant losing the relationship.

[TeaAndALemonTart]

Yeah, 3 ways never end well.

[eddielizzard]

i would tell the absolute basics. if you think this relationship has a future then you have to tell. if you can't see it lasting, don't tell.

several years down the line and it comes out that you slept with his brother - i can tell you that no matter what you say it'll be as bad as you cheated on him. imo.

[FabBakerGirl]

If you don't want to tell him because he will leave you then you aren't having an honest relationship, he isn't with who he thinks he is with, and it isn't fair.

[FabBakerGirl]

The minute you say you don't/won't compare them in bed he will immediately think you have.

[MyPrettyToes]

If it were me I would lie and say I was so drunk or something I didn't know what was going on.

Really Abbykins1? Thereby intimating the brother and mate had sex with the op without her consent ---> rape. Seriously. Dear God. You sound awful.

[Abbykins1]

We have already had that one MPT you might come up with something original soon if you work at it.

FWIW I still think we have been trolled so keep the hysteria to a minimum.

[LynetteScavo]

As someone who has been married for 15 years, I will say you have to fess up now.

It will come out.

If this bloke is worth keeping, he won't be bothered enough to dump you.

I say this as someone who thinks many things should not be talked about.

[MyPrettyToes]

Troll or not what you suggested is repulsive Abbykins1. And I am glad I am not the only one who picked up on this.

[Mrswellyboot]

I can't read past 'there is nothing wrong with being step sausage sue!' How funny!

[Mrswellyboot]

Actually, in all seriousness, I honestly would leave the new relationship before the threesome gets out. Can you imagine his brother being best man and saying about the fine wife his brother has (cringe)

[NachoAddict]

My first thought was oh god keep your mouth shut

But actually I think you have to tell him. Just be honest but keep it to a minimum. Before I met you, at uni I had a threesome with your brother. It was a one off and we didn't see ea h other again. (If that's true) It will come out at some point and it will be much worse if it doesn't come from you.

[namechangesforthehardstuff]

Glad a couple of people have called out the slut shaming. Well done those posters, keep up the good work

[AdoraBell]

Abby do you really believe that implying that someone you willingly had sex with is a rapist is okay?

[CoffeeTea103]

You slept with two guys at the same time? Aren't you a catch.

[Offred]

Yes... Oh dear a woman who has had (I hope) an enjoyable and consensual sexual experience... No man will ever her want her now she has been tainted(!) Everyone knows it is only men who are allowed to enjoy sex, for women it is about endurance...



Threesomes definitely not my bag at all but really can't see what business it is of other people's to judge where the experience is consensual for everyone involved.

[Abbykins1]

@ Adorabull It would be very helpful to me and any future posts,especially on this thread,exactly how I managed that please.

@Offred Methinks you do condone too much,yet at the same time stating that you,you of all people would never actually engage in such an act.

And of course,no,people never judge other people on a forum that is open to the whole world.
We never have opinions or make decision and judgments about other people,that just doesn't happen.

if you have a spare halo,could you pass it to adore a bull.

Thanks.

And to the troll who started this,well done,a very plausible scenario, and no doubt made notes about any posters who are up for a threesome.