I've name changed for this because I post quite a lot and this is a bit of an - ahem- intimate subject.
Ok, so the back story to this question is that I had a really bad birth experience - the kind of one which makes midwives reading your notes suck their teeth and say 'Oh love, you really WERE unlucky weren't you.' ONE of the things which went wrong was that DS got stuck whilst I was at the pushing stage and the midwife didn't believe me when I panted out that I couldn't do this. After over an hour and a half of pushing on a very stuck baby (which is EXCRUTIATINGLY painful and very, very frightening) my lovely DH insisted that as I had been giving it some serious welly and the baby's heartbeat wasn't getting any closer, he wanted me to see a consultant NOW.
I've done all my grieving for that, contacted the Birth Trauma Association, cried a lot and had some great HV support. I'm sure if I was planning on having another I'd be having birth nightmares, but as it is, its old (5 year old) water under the bridge now.
However, since then I've really struggled to come to orgasm - what used to work for me before (small vibe plus G spot) doesn't even come close now. It has led to a few very, very frustrating years for me and DH. But I recently found that a Hitachi Wand (which is one major earth mover of a vibe with sound effects to match) plus a friendly finger up the arse does wonders. And it just DIDN'T before.
I'm delighted that we've found something that 'works' for me but because a vibe that big is so hard to incorporate into sex I often feel a bit like I am being 'serviced' afterwards. Even I find it hard to see my new 'earth mover' vibe as sexy. DH is lovely.. patient, kind and pleased that I am no longer sobbing at three am because I'm so turned on and there is no release (as well as feeling distinctly 'broken').
I've seen gynaes who were next to useless but who did mention that it was possible that some ' nerve damage' may have occurred. But apparently that's all a bit of a mystery to the medical profession, and they knew of no specialists working on it - as opposed to people working on erectile dysfunction of which there are gazillions.
So what I wanted to ask those of you who had a vaginal birth, and perhaps even ones who had a birth where the baby got 'stuck', have you had a similar experience? Did it feel like someone had 'moved the furniture around' after childbirth? I honestly don't think this is emotional trauma - it feels like a mechanical change to me. Also, has anyone found anything that works in the same way as the Hitachi Wand but which a/ isn't enormous and b/ doesn't entail plugging in like you're recharging a phone? It's rather off-putting...