He actually is that selfish - just need a vent!

[ScoobyMetBatman]

I am so annoyed with my dp right now at how childish and selfish he can really be.

So we are both studying, me Open Uni, him traditional uni. Because I am with OU I don't have access to a physical library (well I do but it's Milton Keynes which is too far away). I found a really useful book on dp's uni library website which is only available as an ebook. As I wasn't logged in I couldn't read it, however he said he has access to all the ebooks for free. By looking at the free preview on amazon, this book will be a massive help for me.

Dp won't let me see the book on his account unless I do something for him. Today was my first chance in ages at having a full day of work - I am behind as it is so I really needed today (and he knows this!). He wanted to go out to do one of two activities that we sometimes do, but obviously I said no, I HAVE to do work. Then he said fine, he'll get the book for me if I put sexy underwear on (back story - we don't have much sex, I have problems which he knows about, sex really hurts for me, so I have no desire to wear sexy lingerie). Again I said no, so now he won't let me see the book.

I have ordered it from amazon now for £13. He asked if I'd ordered it, when I said yes, he says that proves how much I value his happiness??? What the hell?? I'm sorry I know this is very petty, I'm just so pissed off with him over it so needed to let it out here

He wanted you to perform sexual favours before he lent you an e-book.

Sorry, nice people do not do things like this.

I've only read your OP and a response or two especially bogeyface and anyfucker:

Your dp is a fucking arse.

He doesn't want to support you in bettering yourself.

Fucking arse.

I'm your age OP and I have been in your shoes.

I fucked off out the door at 4:30am with an 18 month old a bag of clothes, a minimum wage job, nowhere to live and no money except £10 in my pocket. I just couldn't take anymore.

It's always going to be a bad time there need is a good time. It worked itself out in the end and 5 years later I am in an amazing place.

I thought exactly how you are thinking now. Hindsight makes me see how wrong I was. I look out for no. 1 now and my life/relationships have improved immensely because of this. You don't owe him anything, you don't owe anyone anything. Do what's right for you.

All the PP are right, please listen to them.

Um, sex hurts you and he still wants you to have sex with him?

That's not great.

You will get nowhere in life caring about someone who doesn't give a shit about you.

There is a difference between not wishing ill on someone and being happy for them if they succeed, and bending over backwards trying to make someone's life easier who would not do the same for you, and who is n fact going out of their way to make your life very difficult.

You may be able to find temporary accommodation till the end of the academic year; people do rent rooms out on a short term basis, or if you were to boot him out and stay where you are you/the landlord may be able to let the spare room on a similar basis. Quite frankly if it came to it I would far rather sleep on someone's sofa till the end of the academic year than put up with what you are. Living in a tent would be better.

He is having a detrimental effect on your studies; leaving him may be stressful and you may worry that the end of the relationship will distract you from coursework. But you have already said you know you have to leave, so the relationship is effectively already over. Living in the situation you are cannot be better than making a clean break.

Ahh yes the kind gentleman who whined that no one would feed him because you had flu? That same charmer.
He can cook an egg now? He is pathetic. He has made as little effort as possible but just enough to stop you going.

Put yourself first. Sod his course- he clearly isn't putting you and your course first, is he? FWIW, I was 28 and had been with an ex for five years, supporting him through a degree and masters when I realised he was cheating on me. I didn't wait until his coursework was due in, or until his finals were over to send him packing. You only owe him that kind of consideration when he shows it to you in return. If he had been joking about sex in exchange for the ebook (sometimes comments such as 'run me a bath, love- I'll make it worth the effort' can be funny) that's one thing, but I am genuinely shocked that he withheld something as important as a course book for you out of pettiness. Obviously, I don't know all of the facts, but it sounds like he can be quite spiteful and manipulative. I can't understand why anyone wouldn't want their partner to have the absolute best chance to succeed at their course and, to me, the book and you having to have sex for it make me really uneasy. Honestly, I think you deserve better than this.

Jeez, my ExDP is more generous and easy going than your.....I wont say boyfriend......more soul sucking vampire.

Look after number 1 and get this man child out of your life.

Good grief - if someone wanted to barter for sex from me, they are going to have to bring a lot more to the negotiating table than an eBook!

On the other hand, saying you will sort the sex issue out when school is finished sounds like an excuse on your part. You're buying time and putting him off. He's obviously frustrated since now he is trying to barter. It just sounds like Not A Match.

Does it not enrage you that you are posting about not wanting to drop him in the shit and that you want him to do well in the future when your post started because he shows he doesn't have the same care or concern for you?

You say he's not a bad person but would he have refused to give a friend the ebook? My guess would be that he wouldn't bargain over it with a friend?
If you think that would be the case then why would he treat a friend better than someone he claims to love?
My strongly suspect he wouldn't treat anyone else like that. That has to hurt? Why do you think he would do that to you when you care so much about him? You can surely see that it doesn't add up? I really don't think you should waste your kind heart on him.

Each time you allow yourself to be used by another person, you build up resentment against yourself (and not them) or allowing it to happen. You are punishing yourself for the way he treats you but keeping yourself in this situation.