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Original poster

He actually is that selfish - just need a vent!

86 replies

ScoobyMetBatman · 21/03/2014 18:15

I am so annoyed with my dp right now at how childish and selfish he can really be.

So we are both studying, me Open Uni, him traditional uni. Because I am with OU I don't have access to a physical library (well I do but it's Milton Keynes which is too far away). I found a really useful book on dp's uni library website which is only available as an ebook. As I wasn't logged in I couldn't read it, however he said he has access to all the ebooks for free. By looking at the free preview on amazon, this book will be a massive help for me.

Dp won't let me see the book on his account unless I do something for him. Today was my first chance in ages at having a full day of work - I am behind as it is so I really needed today (and he knows this!). He wanted to go out to do one of two activities that we sometimes do, but obviously I said no, I HAVE to do work. Then he said fine, he'll get the book for me if I put sexy underwear on (back story - we don't have much sex, I have problems which he knows about, sex really hurts for me, so I have no desire to wear sexy lingerie). Again I said no, so now he won't let me see the book.

I have ordered it from amazon now for £13. He asked if I'd ordered it, when I said yes, he says that proves how much I value his happiness??? What the hell?? I'm sorry I know this is very petty, I'm just so pissed off with him over it so needed to let it out here Smile

OP posts:
Lweji · 21/03/2014 20:04

Get your exams out of the way and find other shared accommodation.

Lweji · 21/03/2014 20:05

Or see if you find some quickly available suitable accommodation and free up your mind for the coming exams.

jamaisjedors · 21/03/2014 20:14

DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS MAN.

If this is how he is behaving now, what future is there for this relationship?

You can do much better than this and sound like you could do without someone in your life right now.

CyberMuddle · 21/03/2014 20:29

I understand you are worried about changing your circumstances in the run up to the end of the year, but I genuinely think you will be able to concentrate better on your studies if you don't have a needy, whining manchild expecting you to be at his beck and call, and who clearly does not support your studies.

Do you have family nearby you could stay with while you find new accommodation?

FabBakerGirl · 21/03/2014 20:36

I would worry less about loving him and start loving yourself. You are basically his live in prostitute Sad or at least that is what he sees you as. You want something and I won't give it to you unless you shag me Angry.

AnyFucker · 21/03/2014 21:53

Just give him another blow job and be done with it

Why are you posting here just to defend him against justified criticism ?

You obviously feel your existence is simply to entertain him when he is bored, so put your studies to one side and jump to it, ok ?

be a Good Little Doormat now

this is how he views you

43percentburnt · 21/03/2014 22:20

He wanted sex in order for you to study. Wow. He was bored. Diddums. As for being petty, yes he is being petty. In fact he sounds tedious. Has he said 'he was only joking/having a laugh' yet?

Also, do you live together and Did you start uni at the same time? Why are you doing ou (they do wonderful courses) but he is doing a local uni? (Costing more but more sociable). Sorry just wondering if this will tell us more about him.

FolkGirl · 22/03/2014 06:55

But I do love him

I don't see how you can do.

The physical effect of many emotions is the same: feeling a bit heady; butterflies in the stomach; heart pounding; etc. Fear, excitement and love, for example, all produce the exact same physiological response. How we interpret those physical symptoms is context dependent.

I would suggest that after so long together, the thought of being on your own is causing an understandable anxiety about being alone and fear of the unknown but you're interpreting it as love and fear of losing him from your life.

This certainly isn't a relationship I'd put up with. He sounds horrible.

Only1scoop · 22/03/2014 07:00

Just all sounds extremely childishHmm

KiteSurfer · 22/03/2014 07:07

OP, your boyfriend wants you to prostitute yourself in order to study.

Yuck, what a sleazy shitbag you've ended up with.

Foodylicious · 22/03/2014 07:23

How rubbish to feel stuck in this situation OP!

You really don't need to deal with his crap.

I suspect that this is likely to get worse as your deadlines come up and you are spending more of your time on uni and not on him.

He will be jealous, selfish and childish to the max, trying to make to feel as if you are neglecting him and using whatever he can to control you.

Sounds like he just said what he thought you wanted to hear last month so he gets what he wants.

It may be tough, but I really would get out now. Its the weekend, pack what you need, stay with a friend and start getting your life back!

Good luck, really hope you don't drag this out, he will only make it worse.

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 22/03/2014 08:09

Seriously, jut get rid. You should't have to perform sexual favours for an ebook. What an entitled nobber.

MadBusLady · 22/03/2014 08:18

Your 19.19 post is very, very sad to read coming from someone so young. Why the fuck are you settling for this? And don't say "Because I love him", you have the capacity to love other men.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 22/03/2014 08:19

"We're both mid 20s. I'm not afraid of being single, part of me would actually love to not feel responsible for somebody else. But I do love him, which just makes it so much harder".

Do you know what love actually is?. Its not with this person that is for sure. What is there to love about this man exactly or are you really only together now out of habit?. He is treating you like a skivvy; that is all you are worth to him.

You are and have never been responsible for his actions; stating otherwise makes you sound codependent and I would read a copy of "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie.

kentishgirl · 22/03/2014 08:29

This is disgusting.

He's thinking of you like a prostitute. You have sex; he pays you something (e-book).

He actually refused to give you something he already had, to help you study? How vile. that's not being a bit selfish, that's a whole new league.

crazyspaniel · 22/03/2014 10:01

Well, if she were a prostitute, she could at least expect to earn more than a shitty e-book.

Sorry OP, but I don't see how you - or anyone - could respect a man like this, never mind be in love with them. You seem to see him as childish, but his behaviour is sleazy and disgusting. There are grown-up and decent men out there who do manage to realise that the world doesn't revolve around their cock.

Original poster
ScoobyMetBatman · 22/03/2014 11:21

I don't have any family close by and friends have all moved away for work. I know my parents will be happy to have me but they're a good few hours away. I have a job though and can't afford to not work so I can't just get up and go.

Mycatlovesme - yes I am the one who wrote that other post about him not cooking. Well we had a talk about that and he now cooks his own egg hurrah! The frustrating thing is, after our nearly-breakup 'chat', he did seem to be making an effort and a few things have changed for the better.

OP posts:
Original poster
ScoobyMetBatman · 22/03/2014 11:24

I will split up with him at some point, it is just finding the right time to do so. I still love and care about him so I don't want to leave him in the shit either with his uni work (he finishes in a few months).

OP posts:
Lweji · 22/03/2014 11:26

don't want to leave him in the shit either with his uni work

You know he couldn't give a shit about your course work, don't you?

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 22/03/2014 11:39

The right time to leave is now. Right now.

Original poster
ScoobyMetBatman · 22/03/2014 11:41

Lweji - even if that is so, I am generally a decent person and I have a conscience. Even if we're not together I still want him to do well.

OP posts:
KiteSurfer · 22/03/2014 11:44

Toughen up OP! Look after No. 1.

Squirrelsmum · 22/03/2014 11:48

Why can't you kick him out? Get a flat mate to help cover the costs.
I'd rather share a house with a stranger than a partner that carried on with that shit.

Lweji · 22/03/2014 11:49

Selfless altruism does not pay up.
Particularly with people who take advantage of us.

Or, it's what you are telling yourself now and then there will be another excuse.

Original poster
ScoobyMetBatman · 22/03/2014 12:05

He may not be a very good boyfriend, but he is not a bad person. I still want him to do well in the future, and I genuinely would like to find someone who makes him happy (and I want him to realise how lucky he has been as I have a feeling it will be difficult to find this amazing women who will put up with all his crap).

I can't/wouldn't kick him out. When we split up, I would give notice to our landlord and I would move to my parents. I wouldn't stay here with a different co-tenant, so there is no point in me finding another housemate for what would be 1-2 months.

OP posts: