He actually is that selfish - just need a vent!

[ScoobyMetBatman]

I am so annoyed with my dp right now at how childish and selfish he can really be.

So we are both studying, me Open Uni, him traditional uni. Because I am with OU I don't have access to a physical library (well I do but it's Milton Keynes which is too far away). I found a really useful book on dp's uni library website which is only available as an ebook. As I wasn't logged in I couldn't read it, however he said he has access to all the ebooks for free. By looking at the free preview on amazon, this book will be a massive help for me.

Dp won't let me see the book on his account unless I do something for him. Today was my first chance in ages at having a full day of work - I am behind as it is so I really needed today (and he knows this!). He wanted to go out to do one of two activities that we sometimes do, but obviously I said no, I HAVE to do work. Then he said fine, he'll get the book for me if I put sexy underwear on (back story - we don't have much sex, I have problems which he knows about, sex really hurts for me, so I have no desire to wear sexy lingerie). Again I said no, so now he won't let me see the book.

I have ordered it from amazon now for £13. He asked if I'd ordered it, when I said yes, he says that proves how much I value his happiness??? What the hell?? I'm sorry I know this is very petty, I'm just so pissed off with him over it so needed to let it out here

Rebecca, there are ways to handle mismatched libido's or lack of sense. Mature, respectful ways. This is not it. He also sounds a bit more than just uptight

OK maybe I was wrong to call it petty, I think I just meant compared to some of the awful things I read on here.

We have been together almost 5 years and we rent a house together. I have uni deadlines coming up, so to be honest a big upheaval now would have a big impact which I really can't afford to happen (I got an awful score for my last assignment so need to compensate for that). But then equally I don't need him nagging me to entertain him when he is bored.

I read posts on here from women whose dps reject their sexual advances and it does make me think I am a bit of a bitch to dp and it mustn't be nice for him. Then I rethink how he behaves and realise I shouldn't feel too guilty.

Sex not sense - although both could apply to him

Please listen to everyone here. This is not a loving or normal way to behave.

Get rid of him.

He sounds awful op:(

How can you concentrate on work and an OU course with him acting like that?

Time to wave goodbye, if it were me.

So he can get access to this book, which will cost him a minute of his time and no money, but refuses to do so unless you do something for him that he knows you don't want to do?

He sounds like a complete control freak to me. Does he always show this level of contempt?

Get rid of him. This is a really horrible way to treat you. You deserve so much better.

Is he actually serious? I would honestly think he was just joking and trying to highlight the issue of your sex life (with the subtlety of a sledge hammer!)

If he genuinely wouldn't download the book without bedding you then it's one of the most horrifying things I've heard. You think it's petty in comparison to things you read on here but as an outsider, it is absolutely sick!

If his request was genuine then you really need to get away from him. He doesn't respect you and he sees you as a commodity.

I'm not trying to defend him at all, and I know it doesn't make it that much better, but his point was that he was bored. There are a couple of activities/sports that we do together, so he wanted us to go out and do one of them. Due to upcoming deadlines though, I wasn't prepared to have a break for what would have been possibly 2-3hrs. Once I'd said no to that, that is when he proposed the next 'deal'.

He was bored?. Well I hate to think what he would have said if he was angry!

No that does not make it any better at all. You are selling yourself well short, he does not enhance your quality of life does he?.

Why are you with this person at all Scooby, do you "love" him?. What is in this for you?. What needs of yours does he meet?.

Get rid of him as soon as it is practical. He will wear you down bargaining over every little thing to the point you can't even be bothered thinking about your future as getting through the day is filled with these encounters and bargains. He wants you to give up and be at his full disposal, then he will moan you take up to many of his resources once he thinks you are trapped.
There is no respect on his part and no relationship survives without it.

How old are you both btw?.

He sounds like a selfish and entitled manchild. Being with someone like this is bad for your overall self worth and esteem. Or do you think at heart you do not deserve any better?.

If he behaves like this when you're asking him for something that won't involve him in any time, effort or money what on earth is he going to demand as fair exchange if you need support with something that does?

How old is he?

That's behaviour an 8 year old knows is out of order.

I presume that his mother did everything for him at home short of wiping his backside and now he expects you to do the same.

Honestly Scooby, you really do not need such a useless waste of space in your life. He is dragging you down with him.

Scooby: Really he is just very mean & selfish.

You will be better without him.

We're both mid 20s. I'm not afraid of being single, part of me would actually love to not feel responsible for somebody else. But I do love him, which just makes it so much harder.

He is a manchild which frustrates me no end, but he's not normally so selfish. He is incredibly stubborn though, so I know when he said he won't download the book that he means it. There's no way he would give in unless I gave in first. I have told him so many times recently that he has to grow up because it will be the end of us if he doesn't. Like someone said above, it does just wear me down. And when he gets in one of his weird childish moods he is impossible to have an adult conversation with, so we can't even resolve the issue like adults.

Can you move out and in with friends or family while you finish your current course? Don't let this waste of space eff up your chance of a good grade.

It's not a surprise you don't want to have any sort of sexual encounter with him Scooby (even non-penetrative) I would not give someone like this the steam off my piss! Get him out. If you broke up recently he should be trying his very hardest, not trying his very hardest to piss you off and fail at your coursework. He cares not one jot for you, only himself, tosser!

I have told him so many times recently that he has to grow up because it will be the end of us if he doesn't.

Well that's patently not true is it? He hasn't grown up, and it's not the end.
He carries on and so do you. He knows you don't mean it.

This sounds sort of familiar - are you the same person who's boyfriend can't/won't cook? And you referred to this on that thread? If so, then please bin him, honestly he's not helping you.

This man doesn't want you to get your degree. Sorry love but stay with him and things will only get worse.

Imagine having a small baby. Will he expect a blowjob every time he changes a nappy? Yuck.

Your post actually scared me. What a revolting way to treat you. I was with an emotional abuser all the way through uni from age 22-28. He was 3 years younger so 19 years old when he started this shit. These types of guys do not learn and they don't get any better, in my experience. You are better just to enjoy your studies and leave him right now.

I believe Friday nights are a good night for dumping someone