New relationship - he's clingy and I cant breathe!!

[waitingformychance]

Is this a red flag maybe? and I need to get it off my chest !

We have been together about 6 weeks, I have not long come out of a mentally abusive relationship of 4 yrs and this has just kind of happened I have known him a little for about a year.

He is lovely,kind and what I would always be looking for EXCEPT!

I am getting bombarded with texts , even before 830 in the morning I usually have 3-4 from him, if I dont get chance to reply within 10mins I get another, along the lines of "u okay?" then 10mins later "hope yr phone hasnt broken" 10mins later " are u awake?"

I feel like I cant breathe!

He wants to see me everyday and I have to say no and come up with a good enough excuse that is plausable enough not to see him.

He said he wants me to move in - which is so wrong and soon but he cannot see it!

I dont want to rush anything and I have explained this!

I feel wary of getting close so soon, is this normal behavoiur of a new relationship and I'm pushing a good thing away ?

My ex showed no affection at all ( unless he wanted something!)

I see no reason to disbelieve what he has said about his ex. He might not be lying, but he is also telling you something important - he is saying he is used to/comfortable with a very twisted suffocating dynamic and that is something he put up with in the past. Given his behaviour here, it's not unreasonable to think that the dynamic with his ex went both ways, with both of them being clingy and suffocating. And he still trots over to sit at her bedside at 3am if she asks? Good god!

I think if you are prepared to be bolshy and tough it out you could get him to toe the line, but it would be EXHAUSTING, and who wants that?! Also, if you're just come out of an abusive relationship you are prime pickings for a needy twat like this, because he knows you don't have the energy to stand up to him.
This - this bloke - is why people are advised not to date after getting away from an abusive ex. There are many kinds of unhealthy or abusive relationship. The kind you escaped from is not the only version, and this is merely another format. I'd run like the fecking wind!

There was another thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2012437-Argh-I-am-reading-him-wrong
Not saying he's anything like this, but it reminded me of it.
Beware, he sounds obsessive and will be a clinging vine if you let him. Personally I would bin and find someone who is not so obsessive.

I was with someone like this once, he told me he loved me after 4 weeks, rang me at work constantly, wanted to come with me when I met up with my friends.. "your friends are my friends now". I moved in with him after about 10 months God only knows why. He then wanted to be with me constantly, listened to my phone calls etc I realised almost immediatly I had made a HUGE mistake & moved out after 3 very unpleasant months. He then stalked me for a while, turning up at relatives houses, ringing me constantly.
I still see him in Tesco occassionally, he makes my skin crawl, I consider him to be the biggest mistake of my life. But the voices of doubt were in my head but I ignored them.
Listen to your instincts & don't move in unless you are sure.
Good luck!

I didn't know you could get those sort of apps Smiles (every day's a school day on MN!) but if the OP can get such an app then I agree a complete block would be even better.

Run.

This thread makes me think of the Spongebob episode where Gary ends up in an old ladies house and she stifles and dotes on him a bit too much. He rolls into cupboard full of old snail carcasses and the snails in a picture on the wall all yell 'Run!' So funny.

Anyway, I'd edge away slowly from this man although I imagine, he's not one that will easily move on.

I had a friend who met someone just like this - it was a massive warning sign of things to come. He moved in & they got engaged within six weeks. Married after nine months, divorced within a year. He turned from a (as she perceived it) Prince Charming who put her on a pedestal, did everything with her & for her, to a violent, controlling bully who broker her ribs, stalked her & had to be arrested in the end for violating injunctions. Now I'm not saying your BF will end up that way, but obsessive behaviour this early on is a huge warning. You are already suffocating. I would try to be frank with him - if he backs off & starts behaving normally, fair enough. If he doesn't, there's your answer. Good luck!

Another one to say please get dump his whiny arse.

I was in a very abusive relationship once & this was exactly how he behaved in the beginning. He acted needy & insecure but really it's all part of controlling you.

I remember the once when I was in the loo & he asked through the door what I was doing, I snapped and shouted 'I'm having a shit!!!'. This might sound funny but seriously the clinginess was unbelievable.

He never trusted me but in the end he cheated.

He was emotionally & physically abusive & extremely manipulative.

I tried to end it many times but he would cry & beg.

Don't fall for it.

No no no, not normal. It's obsessive behaviour, and could may well turn controlling. Run!

Get out please!
He sounds vile. I've been here with an ex, the constant questioning, demands, ultimatums even, pestering, jealously, obsessiveness.. Told me he loved me after a Month, was awful about ex wife, she had 'mood swings' ... I felt suffocated, pressured, I tried to tell him, he listened but continued, he couldn't control himself.. Constant texts, phone calls and if I didn't answer, turned up on doorstep in a state, emailed... I have a life, I have a son, I have housework to do, washing to do.. I get back from the school run and I swear the minute I got in the house the phone rang, there was no let up or breathing space .. He turned violent twice, it took ages for him to leave me alone, about a year.. Last saw him November and it has ruined my self esteem.. He criticised my body.. It nearly drove me to a breakdown. Take ads now! I really hope this does not happen to you OP, trust your instincs, if he doesn't listen, end it, no matter how strong tye spark....

Be careful you don't get pregnant op - I had the I love you, moving in straight away, pregnant within a month - next thing you know the true colours became apparent. Scary.

Just dump him. You're not enjoying the relationship and that's reason enough.

Oh my word!
Run for the hills.

THEY ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Seriously, you know already what you have to do.
I was also going to point you in the direction of the thread Alpha has linked to.

he sounds possesive and controlling. A definite one to bin. Do it carefully as he'll find it hard to let go. I remember reading that it's good to be as boring as possible when trying to dump someone, which I've found helpful. Be very clear that you've decided this isn't for you (insert boring excuse he can't argue with) and you're too stressed to discuss it further. Then do not reply to any more communications, ever

Seriously, you need to ask? Read back what you have written!

GET RID. GET RID. GET RID.

Seriously. This one is NOT a keeper.

Clingy now, give it a couple of weeks and it's going to be controlling.

Lovey dovey now, give it a couple of months and it's going to be demanding sex.

He's needy, unpleasant, pushy and has no boundaries.

OP - please dump NOW. You're walking into a nightmare with this one.

Goodness me he does sound very suffocating.

There's nothing wrong with getting an early text. I often wake up to a "Good morning" text from BF but that's it apart from other soppiness there's no way he would chase for an answer. That would grip my shit.

I thin you know the answer don't you Good luck with The Talk and stay safe

Perhaps you need a breather from getting involved with someone for a while? If you are not sure how a man should treat you in a relationship, there are books you can read about relationships. I do not mean that in a patronising way, it is something I had to do a long time ago when I was going for wrong'uns.
He sounds like he may be fixated on you, or using you as a crutch; if it was not you it would be someone else. Get out of this unhealthy pairing.

This sounds exactly like the relationship I know someone is in and cannot yet see the wood for the trees. The difference though is that it'sthe woman suffocating him.

Met online - after 2 weeks and just 2 dates she questions why his profile is still on the site. He is introduced to her parents and her children.

4 weeks in (Jan), they book a holiday for October and she gives him keys to her house.

6 weeks in she talks about him moving in with her in July.

8 weeks in she offers to pay for his roof (£250) when it needed some repairs.

She texts him morning, noon and night every single day. He has a 'window' in which to respond before he gets another text asking why he hasn't responded.

If he sends an 'offish' text he gets phoned at least 3 times.

She texts him when he has his children (two evenings a weeks)

I have given him the same advice as all the previous posters but he too is afraid to call things off and justifies her behaviour because he's totally blindsided!

Having myself been single for the past 14 months after being with someone for over 20 years, and having read and taken in wonderful advice from fellow MNers, I can honestly say that if I was your position I would be running away as fast as my legs could carry me.

His behaviour is NOT normal however much he may try to convince you otherwise.

Ugh

That would drive me bonkers! If you think he is a decent guy, I think I might be worth sitting down and explaining your boundaries to him, in case he is just trying to show you he cares and getting it really wrong! But if he can't respect your boundaries, I wouldn't try and accomodate his emotional neediness.

Get out now. he may be seeming insecure and needy, but the arrogance of thinking you will want to spend all your time with him is ringing alarm bells.

He is already controlling your behavior in getting in touch so early in the day & demanding (all be it in a passively and whiney kind of way) that you get back in touch ASAP.

If he is making you have to think about him 24/7 then he is already trying to take over IMO.

And as for wanting to come out with you and your friends? control, control, control.

Massive red flag.

Please get out now

good luck! hope you find someone worthy of your time in the future x

The very fact that you need to ask whether this is ok and haven't dumped the mother fucker already suggests your boundaries are not strong or healthy enough.

Run for the hills! Honestly. Big red flag.

DUMP, and please, take a lloooonnggg break from dating and relationships.