Straw poll.... 'I've not been happy for some time' = OW/OM

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Indulge me MN-ers. I personally got the 'I've not been happy for some time' line and it turned out to mean 'I've met someone else'. Mealy-mouthed variations would be 'I don't know what I want any more', 'I've never really loved you', 'I'm not sure if I still love you'.

So have you had one of these lines and did it eventually turn out to be an OW/OM?

Yes, I got the line and yes, there was an OW. Although he never admitted the overlap I know it occurred.

When he contacted me to tell me she was pregnant a mere 6 months after I moved out of the house we owned together, he claimed that he was so upset over our breakup that she'd bring him meals just to make sure he was eating. And that their relationship started then. God, he was a delusional liar.

I was more devastated by the lies than the break up. I had been very unhappy in our relationship. He was jealous, possessive, controlling and refused to let me see certain friends. But, someone you trust implicitly lying repeatedly to you when you KNOW you aren't imagining things is very difficult to come to terms with.

TBH, I quickly came to feel sorry for OW. She's lovely and she's stuck with him in her life as they have a child together. I know his MO, having been on the receiving end a couple of times so there will have been some major romancing and talk of never having felt this way before and unable to live without her in his life. I'm the lucky one, I never have to speak to him or see him again.

I guess what I'm trying to say OP is that hopefully you'll soon get to a point where you're relieved he's out of your life.

Yes to the line and yes to the ow (and prostitutes. He must of been really unhappy for some time )

Yup - ex h gave the "I'm
Not sure whether I still love you". Cue knock on the door some months later by OW, 7 months pregnant with his child

I have used the lines with stbxh though and there isn't an OM - it's the truth, I'm not happy and don't love him/respect him/want to be with him

My ex has a habit of telling people we 'drifted apart'. He also told me that his friend's ex-wife was 'cold' and that's why his friend had to leave her and take up with someone else remarkably quickly

Just seen another thread on here called 'I don't think I love my OH any more'....surprise surprise there's someone else in the frame

Sorry it's not that one...it's the 'so confused' thread

I got 'I don't think we should try again after all' (we had been back together for 4 months after a short split) the day after he met her. I kind of shrugged it off and he didn't move out, bring it up again or generally act like a man who wanted to separate and move out so I assumed it was a bad mood.
His later excuse was that we weren't really Back together, we were still in the 'seeing how it goes' stage. I argued that it's hard to 'see how it goes' if you're shagging someone else in secret

Same as LavenderGreen14. Crock of shit. Said he'd been to the doc (this is after walking out with no warning), was depressed, worried that the new business wouldn't work (I was bankrolling him btw) and just couldn't cope. Well I didn't have a choice but to cope, did I?

Anyway, OW outed herself on FB (someone pointed it out to me - don't have FB) strutting around the 'new business' half naked saying her new job and new man were fantastic.

Well rid.

Yes also had the character assassination. We wanted different things out of life, I liked holidays and he didn't only one of us has been abroad since and it wasn't me...

He didn't talk to me because he didn't want to upset me. He was just supporting OW because he understood her better than her H did. He assumed that I no longer loved him because I didn't want sex ONE night.

The icing on the cake? I didn't have sex with him in a Travelodge one evening after he had bought a condom especially . he fell asleep

The list is endless

eurikur OW has been having a "trial separation" from her H, while they work things out....., and shagging my XH the entire time. Very committed to saving her marriage obviously....

Yes, I got the "I think I am having a breakdown and need some space' line, I moved out to give him some 'space' and caught them together in our house 2 weeks later, they had been at it for months, his 'space' is now 2 rooms in our house because I have now moved back in and they now spend their 'together' time in her tiny flat, they didn't expect that one

I asked dp when I was 6months pregnant with 3rd DC, do you love me?

He said, he didn't know. I must have gone ice maiden on him, because he said, what did you want me to do, lie?

I said, no, I want you to go upstairs and pack your bags because if you don't know whether you love me after 9 years, then I'm not waiting on the edge of my seat to find out.

He went upstairs for about 30-60 mins, I assumed he was packing and my heart was in my mouth the whole time, but I just busied myself with cleaning.

He came down, apologised, said he did love me, and knew he did as soon as it came out of his mouth.

I told him he better be careful what he says as I was quite prepared for him to go then.

Never seen or heard any evidence of any ow.

But being on here for 4 years, does make me think there might have been. Only saving grace was, we really were in a shit place relationship wise, whereas most seem to concoct a shit relationship up.

I'll probably never know.

After I found my ex's computer folder with the pics of his misdeeds, he announced 'I don't think I ever loved you'.

I have to admit I laughed.

When I think of him now, I just feel really sorry for him. One of life's losers. Just before I left, he wrote me a Valentine's card (of course one of a few ) saying 'I'd be lost without you'. I think that's the only vaguely honest thing he said.

My life's great now - so happy I'm free of him.

Yes and Yes...

Yes, I got the 'I've not been happy for some time' (neither had I, really) along with 'I'm thinking of making some changes to my life'.

6 weeks later he left me for the OW.

Oh, I'd forgotten, I'd found photos of OW, nude... she's so so ugly. I am long past caring about what the ex did but to be cheated on with such an ugly woman STILL makes me so ashamed.

I got told I was "the best mum in the world" to our 3dc but a terrible partner to him - apparently I neglected him (although I can't be sure I did as he was in the pub(?) most of the time) .
He left saying he had to put his own needs first ( despite the three dc - one of which was 2 months old). Evidence of ow has just become apparent, with hindsight I should have guessed.

BeforeandAfter - I was just the same! Utterly insulted he went to be with a short, ugly nasty piece of work. I too felt utterly ashamed - is he really that bad a judge of character and taste.

Yep.

I got the 'I've not been happy for some time' plus a few days before he just upped and left I got a 'We have nothing in common with each other'.

Was an OW. And the OW was pregnant.

did anyone else get told the spark had gone? I keep remembering stuff thanks to this thread. Such a cliche, it all reads like a very bad Jackie magazine photo story doesn't it.

Before and after, lavender green - in my case the ow wasn't fat or ugly in fact in her (soft focus) fb profile pic she looks great, slimmer and more attractive than me.
However dig a bit more and she looks really ropey and the pictures of her out on the town in a basque and garter whilst pissed show she's got real class (even in her advanced years).
I know I sound bitter.

I think a bit of bitter is permitted under the circumstances

In amongst the myriad of cliches I also got "the passion is gone"

I'm still trying to figure out what passion actually is. Apparently it's not wild lust and it's not love because I did ask. The men I've "known" always talk about passion as this 'other' thing. I think it must be testosterone-linked.

Yes.
1 week after we returned from a great family holiday. I was pregnant with (planned) DC3 when suddenly. .. "I haven't been happy for years. I'm not sure that I love you"

I felt awful. Tried everything to make him happy - more time to himself (hollow laugh) and more 'date nights'. We even had counselling.

3 months later I discovered OW (of 15 months) and on-line relationships. Wished I'd sought Mumsnet advice in the beginning.

Yes, me too. I got the "I don't love you...oh I do" dance for a month until I forced his hand.

I got him to leave after he spent 4 months on the sofa showing no signs of finding alternative accommodation.

The OW sent me an "all women together" facebook message giving me all the juicy details after he dumped her telling her that we had reunited . So I now know that he had been seeing her for 3 months before he began questioning his feelings for me.

I am currently using this new information to agree a transfer of our house to my name alone without any buyout taking place. He had previously been holding out for £15k. Ain't guilt a wonderful feeling?

IME the discontent is there before the OW/OM appears on the scene, but it's usually only expressed once there is somewhere else to go.