No second date

[DatingQ]

Was asked on a 1st date. It was then a month before he actually contacted me to arrange the date. Date went well (so I thought). He asked on the 1st date about going on a 2nd date halfway through, even suggested where to go. Now it's over another month since the 1st date and still haven't heard anything.

I just don't understand, why suggest a 2nd date on the 1st date if no intention to go on a 2nd date. (A friend said he was just being polite but why say, just don't mention a 2nd date if don't want to have one). It was someone I liked, so disappointed and wondering what's wrong with me! Realize it's 'He's just not into you'

Why is the onus on him to contact you?

I wouldn't keep your hopes up but worth just dropping him a text to say Hi. You never know.... He might have a reason why he's not been in touch!

He also said he'd contact me -to arrange the 2nd date. (Otherwise I would have contacted him. I texted him when I was home after the 1st date to say thank you and haven't wanted to contact him again about the 2nd date coming across as desperate as he now obviously isn't interested).

Cookie - I've been tempted to!

Was it internet dating? Probably keeping all options open and will be in touch when they fall through.

Hence the month gap to organise the first date.

No it was someone from work (Company I work for, not work with, so don't see at work. Just got to know him through a new campaign we were both working on). This is why I'm so disappointed as I liked him.

Did you meet him online? ie via dating website?

If so (and to be honest what I'm about to say holds true for men in general nowadays, but it's perhaps more common with the ODers) the chances are he was just looking for a one-off date. Lots of men (in my, and my friends experiences the majority) on dating sites aren't looking for a relationship, or even for a string of dates. They're happy with a few drinks, occasionally a shag. One guy I met said it was a way for him to meet and learn to have conversations with women he wasn't doing it to find a girlfriend, just to boost his self confidence.

So whilst it is true that if he were interested and wanted a 2nd date he probably would have called you, the likelihood is he never intended on having a second date in the first place, because it was only ever a one-off. This is far more likely than it being any adverse reflection on you, I'm sure you're lovely :)

Unfortunately a lot of men are not so lovely, and will arrange 2nd dates then cancel with a spurious excuse, or just stop contacting you after a period of weeks or months (what is referred to as 'dumping by silence'. I've been on the end of that several times. V bad manners)

Just drop him a text saying hi, how are you doing. If he doesn't reply then you know where you stand.

Don't waste anymore time wondering 'what's wrong with you'. I had this one time, 3 weeks had passed and nothing. Turned out his Mum had found a lump and he was supporting her through that, didn't feel right to him to let me know straight away as we'd only been on one date at that time.

There could be many reasons why he hasn't contacted you, nothing ventured, nothing gained - life's too short