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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I being a complete.........

56 replies

Jazzi · 14/08/2006 20:46

Cow?
DP has been diagnosed with Bells Palsy, which means half his face is temporarily paralysed, he has spent most of the time since finding out asleep (he found out Saturday!!). However, it is not with me he is alseep, but at his mothers. He has gone again tonight and I have been left to look after ds1 and ds2, dog and kitten. Should I encourage him to stay at his mothers or should he deal with it here. The reason I am so pissed off with him is because several months ago I had to have an operation, which I was in hospital overnight, when I cam home DP announced he was going back to work and I had to deal with ds's. Sorry turning into a real rant!!!!

OP posts:

proudofmyboobs · 14/08/2006 20:49

Why is he at his mothers house?

Original poster

Jazzi · 14/08/2006 20:50

So he can get some peace and quiet away from the boys!!

OP posts:

tribpot · 14/08/2006 20:51

That's very weird. I know Bell's Palsy isn't very nice (my dad had it once) but why has he gone to his mother's - he's surely not feeling especially unwell? Although uncomfortable I've assumed it was more inconvenient than anything else, certainly nothing about it that would prevent you from looking after little ones (let's face it, if YOU had been diagnosed, YOU'D still be doing it, wouldn't you?).

Also very unreasonable to leave you with the little ones on your own after an op, I'm not surprised you're cross.

proudofmyboobs · 14/08/2006 20:53

Ah right, well it will soon be the boys bed time will it now? He might come home then and you can have a lovely bath. Does he work at all? Maybe if he's off work just pretend you don't hear the kids waking in the morning and let him get up for them It worked for me on Sunday morning

Original poster

Jazzi · 14/08/2006 20:57

The boys are in bed, and dp won't be back until tomorrow because he wants a good night sleep. Last night I was up for most of it as ds2 couldn't sleep!! Dp does work but he is off due to being ill, probably won't go back until next week, but will spend this week staying at his mothers so he can rest. Is Bells Palsy THAT bad????

OP posts:

proudofmyboobs · 14/08/2006 21:00

What if you got sick.. could you just pee off and stay elsewhere?? Men! Think they can have their cake and eat it!! Will he not see you all week then or will he come home during the day and go back to his mums house to kip?

Original poster

Jazzi · 14/08/2006 21:03

Today he came home for about 2 hours, but I took ds's out to the supermarket, so he slept, then when we returned I made dinner, which dp ate, then he packed his bag and went to his mothers!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Jazzi · 14/08/2006 21:04

The more I think about it the more angry I am!!!

OP posts:

Dior · 14/08/2006 21:07

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Jazzi · 14/08/2006 21:09

Rant rant rant...I can feel a man-bashing coming on!!

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/08/2006 21:10

At the risk of getting my head chewed off.....

Is it likely that he is just feeling sorry for himself and knows he not going to get any sympathy at home?

That said, if my DP was being a pathetic whiny ill person (over something trivial that is), i'd rather he did his whimpering at his mums than lay on the sofa whinging. I already have two children, I could do without looking after a grown up baby as well.

Tell him to grow up.

Original poster

Jazzi · 14/08/2006 21:12

Probably VVVQV, MiL does everything for him, even made a doctors appointment for him this morning!!

OP posts:

MrsBadger · 14/08/2006 21:18

I think VVVQV may be onto something here - he knows you'll make him get up and get on, so he's sticking where he knows he'll be spoilt. It's also possible that he's embarassed and doesn't want you or the boys to see him while his face is wonky - sound likely?
If so he may need reassurance rather than arse-kicking iyswim - it can be v depressing, so I'd consider hanging fire on the angry tirades.

nicnack2 · 14/08/2006 21:23

i think i would go along with Mrs Badger a bit that he is feeling insecure about the way he looks and doesnt want the children to see or you to see. On the other hand maybe that just an excuse. Men are so much more vunerable you knew the Manflu thing

Thomcat · 14/08/2006 21:24

Poor him but why the hell is he at his mum's.
I mean I know why you've told us, but still - why???????????
Think it's ridiculous and with what you say re your recent op and his attitude, v v unfair and selfish and patetic.
I'd be pissed with him too.

cerys · 14/08/2006 21:28

I had Bells Palsy when 38 weeks pregnant with DD1. I felt sorry for myself but it didn't stop me doing anything! I suppose he might not want your sons to see him like that, but it doesn't sound like he's being very helpful or supportive.

best of luck!

Original poster

Jazzi · 14/08/2006 21:32

cerys - did it make you feel really tired?? (Alondside being 38 weeks pregnant- poor you!)

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/08/2006 21:36

Mind you, when I used to live with DP at his parents house (which was 50 yards from my parents house - don't ask), if i got one of my horrendous migraines he would literally pack me up and take me over to my mums because he just couldnt deal with it. Even if it was at 3am in the morning

Panboy · 14/08/2006 22:21

VaVaVoom - bare-bulb truth, delivered in a waste-less style....tip me off when you next post ANYWHERE!!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 15/08/2006 00:18

panboy

mytwopenceworth · 15/08/2006 00:54

ive had it and it is not a problem. you look stupid and you eat and drink very messily - its gross to watch! but you are not dying and dont need bedrest and round the clock nursing. if i were you, id get the kids dressed and round there at 7am tomorrow and drop them off and go out for the day!

sallystrawberry · 15/08/2006 01:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cerys · 15/08/2006 08:53

Jazzi, sorry, I didn't see your question last night.
I don't think it made me very tired, though it's hard to judge cos I was so pg at the time. I still went out and did things, not stay in bed! Mytwopenceworth is right, eating and drinking was a bit messy and I was very self-conscious (but being the size of a baby elephant added to that!)

take care xx

FioFio · 15/08/2006 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Jazzi · 15/08/2006 09:14

He is coming back this morning, he says he will see how he feels, but will probably go back tonight!!!!

OP posts:

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