"But he didn't physically abuse you" - so that's ok then is it?

[postmanpatscat]

In conversation with my parents earlier this evening I stated my refusal to be in the same room as my ExH. On this occasion, we were discussing a forthcoming meeting about one of the children and they suggested I should put my feelings aside. I said that since the views of us both could be obtained separately, there was no need to be present at the same time, and that I refused to be in the same room as someone who had psychologically and sexually abused me. My dad then said the remark in the title.

My parents have been wonderfully supportive but there is something about emotional/psychological abuse that they just don't get. I guess it's something I just have to come to terms with.

Ummm...how is sexual abuse not a subsection of physical abuse? It's a violation of your person, just because it's not a punch/slap/shove/whatever doesn't make it any less physical!

Well the answer is "oh yes he effing did."

I would ask a very simple question of your parents - "So what do you think exH did then?" And if either minimise what has happened, blast them.

Sounds like their ideas of parenting in 'pushing your feelings aside' have played the key role in you being abused in the first place.

Your parents are not being wonderfully supportive. They are dismissing your pain/feelings and hurt.

If you don't want to have your abuser in a room, you shouldn't have to.

Say no. Mean it and tell everyone to deal with it.

(((hug)))

Why do some parents do this minimising behaviour thing? It's so hurtful and irritating. Fwiw when I told my mother about sexual abuse when I was little she tried to minimise and then explain it and give it rationale So I totally understand your frustration.

Of course you were physically assaulted. Or does sexual abuse happen away from one's corporeal state these days?! I would ask what their understanding of sexual abuse is if they ever dare to raise the subject again.

Sorry you had to go through this :(

my mum is exactly the same. Although ex was and has been verbally and emotionally abusive, and she now tells me she never liked him for various trivial reasons, it is somehow my fault and not real abuse. The lack of support is very trying.

Unless you think there is some magic ghost in the machine, both psychological and sexual abuse are physical acts.