Ex partner wants £25K, sort of

[littlegreenlight1]

Ok I dont have long before I need to go but I need to ask someone wtf I should do or say.

Basically, my ex (NOT my DC's father) came into some money a few years ago. 45k's worth and he insisted (he lived with us) that he wanted to pay that off my (our) house and make life so much easier as we would be mortgage free by the time we were 40 etc.
I was apprehensive at the time and asked him to sign a sort of pre nup - well we werent married but that kind of thing, my financial adviser strongly advised him to do so too as IF we were to split up he would have no claim on that at all.
Well.... the inevitable happened, he was a massive drinker and his problem escalated to a point I couldnt have him near me any more. He was destroying me and himself of course and I knew the only way to save him was to leave him - of course it was more complicated than that but together, we were a disaster (not always and not when we moved in together).
We split a year ago, he said he'd never take the money away from me as it was for the children he had been with for so many years (they are now 16, 14 and 8, he had been around for what would have been 6 years now). I KNEW one day, he would want that or at least some money and today was that day.
He wants £10K by september, then he wants me to take anotehr £15K (from my arse?!?!) and put £5k away each for the children to have when they are 25.
I have looked in to doing this months ago as I suspected this would happen and I can not afford to do so. Ive also recently taken on a lower paid job.
To give him what he wants, would almost double my mortgage payments, which is what I earn in a month.

I dont know what to do. Of course I want to give him his money, Im not a nasty person, but by god I remember at the time, sitting at this very bloody table calling him an idiot. He said it didnt matter, because if we ever split, he would still want me to have it. Argh, his voice in my head - I knew this day would come as soon as we split.

I dont even know what Im asking. Please dont think I am a money grabber, if I had it or could access it I would, but I looked in to taking just 15K last year and like I say, it doubled my mortgage payments as my mortgage is low now. If he had signed something at the time apparently they could have just set me back to how I was before he put the money in.

Its such a mess. Im mad with him for not listening to me, Im mad with him for lying to me, of course I knew hed want it back but he insisted etc...

My lift is here, I have to go - I guess its a "what would you do?" kind of q.............

Look into extending years back on to on to the mortgage, rather than adding the amount to your loan to be paid off within the current term.

Good luck, OP.

Loving, she isn't going to be worse off in total but she may not be able to affordably pay that sum of money in the timescale suggested.

OP I read on another thread about a deed of trust where you can have a document drawn up saying your name is on the deeds but you hold £x in trust for someone else. You could ask your adviser if that would work for you?

Oh, the other thing, if he wants to put ££ in trust for the children, it may well be better to keep that money within the house rather than pulling it out and paying interest.

Ask him about making a will / deed of trust or something, that specifically leaves that amount to the kids. Or will be available to them at 18 or something.

The 45k will either be:

1. a personal loan to you;
2. a payment for a share in your house/property (assuming he wasn't a named owner on the title); or
3. a gift to you ...all depending on the circumstances and the provable intention between the two of you at the time it was given.

If there's a trail showing the money going from him directly into your mortgage (or from him to you, and then shortly afterwards into your mortgage), there'll probably be an equitable 'presumption' that he was supposed to gain a share in your property (i.e. option 2) - because it doesn't usually make sense to think that someone paid into a property they had no interest in for nothing....unless there's evidence to the contrary rebutting that presumption. Did he actually sign anything at the time, or was this just talked about?

Unless he's a fairly wealthy guy anyway or there is other good evidence suggesting it, you'll find it difficult to convince a court of the 'gift' scenario (option 3) - it would just seem unlikely to a judge that he gifted 45k to a 'partner' and children that aren't his.

Actually, it sounds like they met with a financial adviser over this - I wonder if the FA has kept a record of the meeting? Surely they do that to cover themselves legally?

"Advised X to sign agreement [of whatever type] but he insisted the £45k was an unconditional gift regardless of the relationship continuing"...sorted.

"If he had signed something at the time apparently they could have just set me back to how I was before he put the money in."

I'd missed that - so the ex's refusal to do this gift formally in any way is actually instrumental in the fact that the OP can't pay him back.

I have a little sympathy for the ex - he's done something stupid and lost a lot of money, but my sympathy is limited by the fact that it was pointed out to him repeatedly that he was doing something stupid and was going to lose a lot of money.

I apologise for assuming that you 'hate his guts'. I suppose I read to much into this statement that you made:
he was/is a very dominating, calculating and in a way scary character

But perhaps you don't hate him or even dislike him, I need to stop making such assumptions based on very little information.
I still think that you need to repay him all of the money though (less his living costs for the period if he didn't contribute to utilities and food whilst you were together). How you decide to come up with the money is more your problem than his. Can you shop around with different mortgage providers as different lenders have slightly different lending policies. Can you increase you work hours to increase your borrowing power?

I still don't see that you will be losing out by giving him back his money as you will owe the same on your mortgage as you did before his lump sum payment, but he will be losing out if you don't give him back his money.
If all else fails and you are unable to extend the terms of your mortgage then you need to look into getting a legal document drawn up stating that you will pay him back this money by the end of period X ( whenever you will be able to pay it by)

I don't think you've said how old you are. See a mortgage advisor. I remortgaged a couple of years back in order to buy out my ex-husband and there was no problem extending the term right up to another (depressingly long) term

If you are anxious to pay him back as he proposes, then assuming you can raise £10k on the mortgage, the other £5k each for the kids could be dealt with by either :

A) giving the children an interest in the property now (with you as the trustee until each is 18, 21, 25 or whatever; or

B) promising to your ex (which will be binding) that you will make a will giving each child £5k from your estate.

At least you won't then need to physically raise the extra funds now, and the kids will get the benefit of the security that comes with a smaller mortgage, and of your extra income from not having to borrow more whilst they are still dependant on you.

Of course, you would still need to raise the £10k, but this would seem a reasonable deal overall - you'd spend around that in legal fees were your ex to bring a claim for repayment, and you defended it.

Go and get some legal advice NOW. Someone upthread said to use a Resolution solicitor with specific expertise in cohabitation. That sounds good to me.

Once you have the advice you will know what your options are.

Then you can wait for him to put this on a formal footing. Wait for him to get off his @rse and get his own legal advice. Then you can negotiate a settlement or tell him to get lost (whichever is appropriate) and get it all recorded in writing.

DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT, start giving him money without having a formal legal agreement. He is a drinker and therefore inherently unreliable. If you give him money he will ask for more.