Does anyone else find other people's weddings difficult?

[singinintherain]

I went to a friend's wedding at the weekend, and it made me question my marriage (Me: 5 years in, 2 small children) In fact, all weddings I go to make me think, wow, they really are a great couple...... and we're not! And I end up feeling sad for a few days.

Do I need to get a grip? Does anyone else feel like this?

I would have to question why I was feeling that way. Are there things that could be changed to make you feel happier about your relationship?

I am a wedding sap, love them and want to just do our wedding day all over again. I would sat that I am happily married (only 4 years in though)

Haven't been to a wedding in ages!
30s - lots of wedding invitations
40s - lots of divorces!

What makes you think you're not a good couple any more?
What could you do about that?

I think I've always thought we were a bit of a C list couple. Argh. I don't know if we were ever that great, and just going to these weddings confirms it.

I think most couples look good on their wedding day. You can't really compare yourselves to a bride and groom, you don't know what's going on behind the scenes.

It's not clear from your post whether you really think that you and your dh are not a great couple and your relationship is unhappy, or if you are just nostalgic for the romance which can get a bit lost when you have small children.

When you haven't recently attended a wedding, are you happy?

aw op I do get what you mean

I can't help but compare myself to other people

everyone always looks much happier than me!!

Sort of! I have days of everything is fine with us, and days of regret at getting married to him. Is that normal? Maybe not. Ah. Feel a bit trapped in my situation with 2 littlies and no job.

No, they tend to remind me of my own wedding day and I come over all soppy and romantic. Just 2 and half years into our marriage, mind you!

Our wedding day was great, maybe I am just a bit jealous of people having their moment!

What is a C list couple?

It's hard to see what you're saying. I know when I was with my ex I found it hard to hear about people's proposals or hear about their DHs doing nice things for them because it just reminded me that mine probably wouldn't do those things for me. And I suppose that if you're having doubts about your relationship then seeing others starting off all happy and full of hope can make you feel a bit nostalgic for the times when you thought that everything would be rosy and wonderful forever, if it's not.

Do you think it's just "real life and small children fug" or are you genuinely questioning whether you should be with him?

I don't like weddings. They're such a show. I don't get it at all. Also, they seem to have a big influence in the female psyche from a very early age. Real life and real complexion has little to do with that big charade.

OP, your marriage may not be perfect but it's probably the real thing. Try to focus your energy into making it better rather than spending your energy comparing yourself to other people.

I meant real coupledom... after the spell checker

No, I find other peoples weddings pretty boring really.

I think you should be looking at your own relationship to see what changes you could make, maybe just small ones even, that might make you feel more positive about your own life, and then maybe you would feel less envious?

It's not good that you say you feel trapped,......

When my marriage went wrong after 24 years I couldn't bear anything romantic at all. It was so poignant to be reminded of what I had lost. I couldn't listen to love songs or watch soppy films or cope with weddings. It actually made my heart ache.
Now I am happily divorced and have a wonderful new DP whom I love very much I am a sucker for the slushy stuff.

I think you need to take a hard look at your dissatisfaction and decide whether it is temporary and caused by baby exhaustion and the overwhelmingness of family life or permanent because you feel your marriage was a mistake. That is hard to do but otherwise you have to bury this feeling.