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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is it possible to have a new relationship when you have three dc?

20 replies

dontcallmehon22 · 10/03/2014 15:56

I feel very low at the moment. I fell in love with someone I met online and we had an amazing and intense 3 months together. It's all gone wrong. He couldn't handle the three dc, the fact that my ex is involved with them etc etc. I despair of meeting any man who can cope with my chaotic family life and the fact that I work irregular hours with my job. I feel so so lonely. Is it possible or will most men be put off?

OP posts:

Parsley1234 · 10/03/2014 16:01

I remember your posts on dating threads and I thought you sounded great ! Really funny positive and if your home life sounded chaotic I Wd say it sounded fun warm and loving. It may be harder to meet someone with kids but just take your time I also thought your ex sounded very controlling and not good enough for you ! I've only got one ds but I have dating time away from him while he's at his dads good luck stay positive !

Original poster

dontcallmehon22 · 10/03/2014 16:10

Thanks Parsley. I'll try to stay positive. Hopefully each day will get a little easier. The dc's dad still lives with his mum, so it's harder to get dating time away.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 10/03/2014 16:16

It is possible.. I have 3 one with SN and have been married 3 years now.

Never thought it would happen.. It just sort of took me by surprise and knocked my socks off.

gamerchick · 10/03/2014 16:17

And I was the one who swore I would never marry.

You never know what's round the corner sometimes.

Original poster

dontcallmehon22 · 10/03/2014 16:17

I hope so. I'm still absolutely heartbroken at the moment.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 10/03/2014 16:20

You need to heal first. I'm not surprised you're heartbroken.. 3 months in you're still at the wanting to climb inside each other stage.

Baby steps.

Original poster

dontcallmehon22 · 10/03/2014 16:39

I am devastated. It ended badly, too. He's blocked me from everything.

OP posts:

Parsley1234 · 10/03/2014 16:45

At risk of sounding rude I hope I'm not your ex reminded me of an ex who was so controlling ESP around my beautiful son who was 5 at the time. Your ex wanted everything his way it seemed and tried to make you deal bad it's grt you still co parent together which enables you to work you seem to have a lot of fun with your kids you seem a grt mum take it easy he wasn't for you he was so unreasonable re your lifestyle keep calm and positive x

Original poster

dontcallmehon22 · 10/03/2014 16:50

He was. He had to have everything his way, I guess. I need to get strong.

OP posts:

Sidge · 10/03/2014 17:15

If he couldn't handle your life then he wasn't the right man for you.

At a risk of sounding trite, it's not you it's him.

Be kind to yourself, take time to heal and then head up and smile. There are men out there that are good guys who are willing to take on a woman with 3 kids and a busy life.

Like Gamerchick, I think I've found one. It's not easy, but he tells me he loves me and therefore accepts the whole package (me, ex away a lot and so not regular time alone together oh and 3 kids, 1 of whom has SN!)

LyndaCartersBigPants · 10/03/2014 17:55

Yes absolutely.

I have 3, my lovely DP has 2 who he lives with 50/50.

He stays with us when he's not with his DCs and we are like a really happy family. My DCs love him, he thinks the world of them and our DCs are great friends too.

Don't despair. My ex always said that nobody would want me with 3 DCs. He was wrong. My DP loves me so much and we get time to spend without the DCs when they're with their other parents, so we have a great life together!

As long as you don't want a man to step into daddy shoes straight away and you accept that he may not ever want to be 'dad' but will be happy being part of your family, there no reason why you can't meet someone lovely.

Discomama · 10/03/2014 17:56

I have 3 DCs and have found someone new, still early days, he is great with them but does have days where he struggles to adjust from having no DCs to 3, and we don't even live together...! I'm not going to rush into anything more permanent, I want to be sure he's the right one for all of us, and that he's absolutely sure he's up to raising 3 children.

LineRunner · 10/03/2014 18:02

My OH is a single dad with full-time care of four teenagers, one of whom has ASD. He didn't think anyone would want him, and had kind of put himself 'on hold' for the next five years or so.

I am a single parent too, with two teens. I was resigned to being single as well.

We met completely by accident (a home repair) and just clicked and fell in lurve . We really 'get' each other over the hectic lifestyles and the pressures.

Benzalkonium · 10/03/2014 18:25

If he couldn't handle your life then he wasn't the right man for you.

I believe this...

I hope it's possible. I have 2 children, one weeknight off every week, and a crush on a lovely man. He is also a single parent to twin boys, and we have so much in common I am really hopeful.

I think with post children new relationships the success rate goes up with the amount of common ground you have. After having a ten year relationship with someone I loved very much but who was very different to me, I love the idea of being with someone who has such a similar background to me that he could be my cousin.

Benzalkonium · 10/03/2014 18:27

Interesting number of people here involved with single dads!

LineRunner · 10/03/2014 18:53

But we are definitely keeping separate households!

wannabestressfree · 10/03/2014 19:00

I have been in a relationship for nearly four years and I have three boys, he has three children too (and they lives with him - they are older now)
We don't live together but live close and spend time when we can. He isn't my sons dad but tries hard to do things with all of us. He is particularly good with ds1(16) who is aspergers. We have had our problems and things to iron out but we have a brilliant life.
I think I worried too much about finding love. I found it at work through friendship :)

Ledkr · 10/03/2014 19:07

Firstly yes it is. My dh married me ten yrs older with four kids 3 boys and a baby girl plus all the baggage that goes with it. If you love someone that stuff doesn't matter.
Secondly, after my xh left me for ow I got quickly involved with someone which was pretty intense.
I was sooooo hurt after it ended, far worse than when xh left.
I realised then that I needed to learn to be alone or I'd never survive another relationship.
I made a conscious effort to be single and enjoy my life as a single mum.
It worked as although I adore dh I really would be ok if we split which I think is very healthy.

Original poster

dontcallmehon22 · 10/03/2014 19:12

Ledkr that really helps as it sounds similar to my situation now.

OP posts:

Ledkr · 10/03/2014 21:23

I'm glad it helps a bit.
I was lucky as had some friends in the same boat so we had fun together, sleepovers with the kids, days out and even holidays together.
I cancelled out men for a while and just concentrated on myself and the kids. Gym, days out, work etc. lovely.
One of my best memories was getting into bed at night and not having any relationship worries.
My dh is a gem, I sometimes can't believe my luck, he just loves me and so accepted everything.
Enjoy being you. X

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