need some advice on this issue

[dilemma73]

Bare with me as this might get a bit long and ranty (have name changed for this as I don't want to be identified in rl).

My dm has been living with us for about ten years, i am a lone parent with two teenage dd's.

Recently due to living in privately rented accommodation my rent has risen dramatically and i am only just breaking even when working overtime, out of hours and night shifts.

Realistically we need to move to smaller accommodation but this isn't possible with dm still living with us. I feel guilty even typing this as i love my dm to bits but it is all becoming too much and i am constantly tired, stressed out and irritable with my dd's, we never have any money to do nice things and it is getting me down.
My dm is late sixties, in good health and is perfectly mobile, however she doesn't contribute around the house, doesn't offer any money towards bills or unexpected emergencies like the car breaking down unless asked and then it becomes a big drama and she goes off in a huff as she is currently saving to go on her third exotic holiday in a year! I haven't been on holiday in years and neither have my dd's as i just cant afford it.
She gets irritated by any noise made in the house after about 9:30 at night which is when she goes to bed but this is our house too and i feel like i am being dictated to about what i can do in my own home, i know this is a separate issue but is just adding to the stress.


In the near future i am going to need money to support my dd's when they go to university, to pay for driving lessons and at the moment with the current situation this is just not feasible.

I have tried to talk to her about it and suggested us finding her a bungalow or a sheltered housing flat where she will receive housing benefit and can live independently but every time the conversation comes about there is always tears and my guilt and my conscience takes over and i leave it however now it is starting to impact on my dd's i have a feeling it is all going to come to a head.
I have five other siblings who are all in better financial positions than i am and no one is offering to help and i suppose i just feel like all the responsibility has fell to me.

please tell me I am not a bad person for feeling like this and that I am not unreasonable to want to try and improve the quality of life for me and my dd's.

[Caitlyn2014]

OLy4 is a very wise lady.

[dilemma73]

I am preparing myself for the huge emotional turmoil this will cause but I am just trying to move forward and look forward to the huge amount of stress that will be lifted off my shoulders

[Qix]

You are doing the right thing OP!

[MistyB]

Could you have a family conference with your siblings and spell it out to them? Tell them that you have looked after her for 10 years, costing on average an extra £x in rent, £x in utilities and £x in food per week after deducting the £50 she pays you this has left you with a shortfall of those 10 years totalling £y0,000. Tell them that you cannot continue to do this and you need their help. (Do they think your Mum has been helping you out all this time? probably best to set them straight early on in the discussion in case this is true)

Find a smaller property for you and your DDs and tell your siblings to find a solution for your Mum. Tell your Mum you love her very much but your DDs need some space and the financial burden is too much to carry on but you very much want her to continue being a big part of your and your DD's lives.

[Oly4]

I agree with MistyB. You need to talk to your siblings and tell them it's time they helped find a solution. I don't think you'll feel good if you just throw her out. But having a plan of what will happen when - a definite timeline - will help all those involved see you are serious. Tell your mum you'll supper her in finding a new place but stress to your siblings that they HAVE to help her find somewhere. All the burden has been on you so far. Good luck

[Oly4]

Support not supper!