Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Rekindling emotional affair

33 replies

Barbados01 · 09/03/2014 16:35

Hi I had an emotional affair last year for about 2 months , It started up again briefly in January but then we stopped all contact, I was beginning to get my life back on track when I ran into him whilst out on my own, I was only doing a late night tesco shop, we had a little chat and before we knew it we were snogging like mad, I feel very confused iv been married over 20years but never had these feelings before, this happened on Thursday he hasn't contacted me , do you think I should just forget it

OP posts:
LoisPuddingLane · 09/03/2014 16:40

Before you ask what we are thinking, what are you thinking?

There is a very large omission in your post, and that is your husband.

MostWicked · 09/03/2014 16:42

If you were "snogging like mad", I don't know how you call that an "emotional affair" Confused

If you are married, you need to make your mind up. Do you want your husband or this other man. If you want to stay married, you must cut all ties immediately with the other man. If you want to end your marriage and run off with your lover, then do so quickly. Having an affair is deceitful and dishonest and no-one deserves to be on the receiving end of that.

ItIsAnIdeasGame · 09/03/2014 16:46

This is the type of thing that makes you think you are going insane. That is because you are.

1 Imagine telling your husband and your family, your husband's family and the judgement.
2 Imagine, properly, what a divorce will look like. Rows about finances, pensions, the lot.
3 Stay quiet.

I did it once, and got over it. I was elated and teary at the same time. I told DH and he was devastated. Seeing him cry stays with me and the shame I now feel hasn't been erased 9 years later.

Shame is a horrid emotion and there is no hiding from it.

EdithWeston · 09/03/2014 16:58

Are you ready to end your marriage?

Because if you are snogging like mad somewhere near Tescos, the chances of being seen are prettyy high. And if someone tells your DH, then it's all out f your hands.

If you want to stay in your marriage, to need to break off your affair cleanly and decisively, and really put all your energies into restoring your marriage.

Or if you think your marriage is over, then end it without the complications of an OM. Then, once single, you can go forward to the future that you want.

Only you can choose. You have made the choices that have brought you to the situation. Now you need to make e choices to deal with it.

mumtopremie · 09/03/2014 17:04

Treat others as you wish to be treated yourself.

How would you feel if your husband was doing this to you?

If you don't want your husband anymore, leave him, then find someone else. Read the boards, this causes so much heartache and distress for those involved. Nobody deserves to go through that. It takes away something that can't be put back and leaves permanent damage in one way or another.

The excitement of fresh meat is only tempory.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/03/2014 17:11

I have no idea what you should do right now but, whether you leave your marriage, work on your marriage or carry on with the affair, for goodness sake be more discreet about it! If you all live in the same town and are likely to run into each other things are going to get very messy.

Fairenuff · 09/03/2014 17:36

Snogging is not an emotional affair. It's plain old cheating.

Original poster
Barbados01 · 09/03/2014 18:54

Thank you for your advice I don't know if om wants me enough or if it was just a spur of moment kiss he hasn't contacted me so hopefully things will pass and get back to normal

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 09/03/2014 18:59

And if he does contact you?

handfulofcottonbuds · 09/03/2014 18:59

So if OM doesn't want you, you'll stay with your DH and act as normal?

If OM does want you then what?

Your poor DH.

thenightsky · 09/03/2014 19:00

Bloody men who are bloody chancers! Angry If he hasn't contacted you, I'd guess he was just testing the water.

Sorry, I've got a downer on men at the moment Sad

Logg1e · 09/03/2014 19:00

How do you go from bumping in to someone in the veggie aisle and snogging them madly?

Will you tell your husband?

Logg1e · 09/03/2014 19:01

A downer on men thenightsky?? What about a downer on women who can't even be trusted to go to Tescos without getting off with someone. Poor husband.

Fairenuff · 09/03/2014 19:08

It sounds like OP is done with her marriage and looking for an excuse to end it.

Original poster
Barbados01 · 09/03/2014 19:34

I know this situation sounds awful I wasn't snogging him in the fruit aisle it was outside it just happened , I know it's a terrible situation but I feel so confused , but I'm sure he won't contact me so I will concentrate more on husband who I do love but after 22 years lust has gone x

OP posts:
thenightsky · 09/03/2014 19:36

sorry Logg bringing my own agenda into play there. Of course you are quite correct and it does take two.

AnyFucker · 09/03/2014 19:38

You just happened to snog a guy outside tesco ?

Classy

MrsSteptoe · 09/03/2014 19:45

OP, I'm not having a snip at you, but you're basically saying that your fate, and that of your poor DH, is all in the hands of this other chap. Have you thought about perhaps exercising your own will about this - leaving your DH, if that's what you want to do, or deciding to stay and be faithful?

handfulofcottonbuds · 09/03/2014 19:46

It wasn't in the fruit aisle - that's okay then Hmm

Do the right thing by your poor DH

Fairenuff · 09/03/2014 21:55

I'm sure he won't contact me so I will concentrate more on husband

But what if he does contact you OP? Will you turn him down or not?

Fairenuff · 09/03/2014 21:58

OP I notice that you have posted about this on 8 different threads in the last 5 months. What is it you want from mn?

Fairenuff · 09/03/2014 22:03

You also say, on one of your other threads, that you were kissing him back in December, so why do you call it an emotional affair? Are you too ashamed to call it cheating? Do you consider one to be more acceptable than the other?

LessMissAbs · 09/03/2014 22:22

You didn't snog him in a Tesco car park, did you OP?

Mmmmn, classy stuff.

Cabrinha · 09/03/2014 22:32

As others have said (but I'm irritated so will repeat) quit with calling it an emotional affair - you're a cheat.

EverythingsDozy · 09/03/2014 22:37

Stop it now!!!!
Ooohhhh my goooooodddddd!!!! Have you read my old post???!!! I have been left DEVASTATED because my husband has had an emotional and physical affair! Stop it!! Your poor poor husband!!!
Either leave him or stop the affair! Don't be so damn cruel!