Is this bloke a twunt?

[HoursOfFun]

I have developed a sort of 'closeness' with someone at work though nothing has ever happened physically. He has said he would like it to many times. I am not sure though I like him a lot. We've been out as friends for coffees and to the odd film. But there is a strange pattern that is, to be frank, pissing me off even on the basis that we are supposedly 'friends'.

Yesterday was a prime example. We had a works drinks thing in the evening. Earlier in the day he sent an email saying 'such a shame we have to spent time making small talk with others - it'd be nice to sneak off to a film together'. We are actually supposed to be going to a film on Monday so I replied 'yes, Monday though!'

Anyway, come the actual drinks, he more or less blanked me though I was sitting at the same table. Instead he flirted heavily with the pretty young blonde sitting right next to me. At one point when I asked him a question about something he said I'll explain it to X (pretty blonde girl) and started whispering in her ear which made me feel like a total idiot. I wanted to get up and move but I was sat in an awkward position and it would have looked pointed I felt.

Now he's often said that he doesn't want people at work knowing how 'close' (his word) we are and that we should 'give each other space around colleagues'.

FWIW I've agreed because I don't want gossip etc

But surely there's a difference between not being obviously cliquey and being downright rude? And he doesn't seem to have any similar problems about being perceived as 'close' to the woman he was flirting with.

But this is the truly odd bit.. he left the drinks and on his way home texted me asking me to go out to a party with him tonight. I ignored it. He then called me twice today - I ignored and send me an email again about the party to which I answered that I already had plans.

Is it just me, or is this really twuntish behaviour? He is developing real form for basically ignoring me in social situations, then texting, calling, messaging etc quite intensely. But then insisting 'no one must know',
I'm not sure I can be bothered to be his friend. It's exhausting and annoying. What's going on?

[HelloBoys]

Twunt, game player and wants you to jump whenever he says how high. ignore him from now on. even if it means being cold etc at work.

[HelloBoys]

I do agree with rainbow too - why should you get your brother's confirmation over something that's essentially a work flirtation?

do you have many interests/friends outside work?

Don't get me wrong years ago I was in a push me pull me infatuation sort of thing with a guy at work but it never does any good especially if they don't want to take it further. It can end up ruling your life.

In fact I totally agree with what the rest of rainbow has said, e.g. you'd date him if he asked and put up with his crap.

seems like you need to get self esteem sorted out - the only reason I say that is your comment re him finding you and calling you beautiful, you need to get that within you, not have it told to you by him or any other man out there.

[Catsmamma]

I'd have said he was after you as a notch on his bed post until your post about the Goodnight Kiss

Seems like he wants dibs on you but is having a jolly good sniff about lovely blondes others before making any major commitment

[FabBakerGirl]

Don't be saying "sorry" and "I'm afraid" like you have done something wrong.

This man is taking up far too much head space. Just delete and block.

[zippey]

I think its a bit harsh to say you need your self esteem sorted out. He has used kind words, you felt flattered, you seem pretty normal. And I'd also say that everyone makes mistakes and many people can do with self esteem boosts. I don't think there is anything wrong with you.

Also, it's perfectly understandable to want to keep work relationships hush hush. It's not understandable however to treat people so badly in front of other people, as it sounds like he has done to you.

It's understandable to want to keep things quiet in a work environment but the situation isn't normal. In a normal relationship you would want to shout from the rooftops and be proud to be with your partner. Perhaps your friend is also caught up in a conflicting situation where he doesn't know how to behave, so ends up behaving like an arse instead.

Maybe the relationship can survive if you were both open about your relationship. Then there would be no more hiding, lying or secrets, all of which bring out the worst in people.

[Chloerose75]

Get rid,I'm sure you can do better. He sounds very strange.

[pictish]

fabbakergirl normally I'd agree with you regarding 'I'm afraid' and 'sorry' but in this case, they still have to work closely together. Far better to keep things genial and pleasant than 'delete and block', because such pointed actions will result in a sour working relationship and an awkward daily atmosphere.
If she can phase him out nicely, it will make her own working day much more bearable.

[HoursOfFun]

Thanks for the replies.
The reason I needed to ask my brother is that I trust his opinion.
I don't have self esteem issues contrary to those posters that asked if I do. At least- not any more than the average person, I don't think.
This whole situation has been disorientating.
Also I do not really understand why I need to justify posting on MN to canvass opinion - to the poster who raised this. It doesn't really say anything about me apart from the fact that I wanted to seek some outside perspective.
I needed reassurance about my instincts and I have found it from many supportive posts - not so from the odd judgemental and unreasonably critical post - but that is only to be expected when chatting to total strangers on line.

Anyway: update - I had a meeting with the twunt in question's line manager who I get on with very well and who is very supportive generally. Although not in connection with anything I've mentioned in these posts.

He actually asked unprompted if things were ok because he had noticed twunt in question being 'off' with me at work (his words) and also 'treating you in an inappropriate way'. When I asked what he meant he said 'he's been rude and dismissive towards you in front of colleagues and it's unacceptable'.

Anyway - i said that the behaviour described has been bothering me a bit but that I don't want to make any sort of complaint but that I was relieved it had been noted.

It is a great relief to be honest - it stops me feeling like I was going a little mad and imagining things. But I am saved from having to do anything formal or cause bad feeling.

So I'll be polite as anything with twunt, professional etc and detach on a personal level.

Also to those posters wondering why it's taken me so long, the bad behaviour from twunt in the work place has been very recent. It was all charm in and out of the office until recently. I haven't been 'tolerating' anything for any length of time. The bad behaviour started in January but our 'friendship' or whatever it is started last summer.

I suspect that the bloke in question has some real issues himself about intimacy, maybe even his sexuality....the oddness of wanting this pseudo relationship but no actual sexual contact whilst talking about wanting it a lot smacks of real confusion. The flirting with the blonde was hurtful but given that we're not in a 'relationship' relationship I don't really know what it was about and I don't care either. As for the 'nobody at work must know' - I think he was also scared of it making him look silly - we are on the same level but I am favoured more by management than him (complicated situation in terms of work politics)

Anyway....he annoyed me but I don't feel a victim of anything other than my own temporary disorientation. Thanks for all the advice.