Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dh and twitter flirting.

78 replies

mydhisannoying · 06/03/2014 11:17

NC for this.

I don't really do the whole social media thing at all. Dh is on twitter quite a lot though, which is fine.

I was doing my daily check on my ds' facebook and twitter accounts (which he knows about, I have strict rules about social media) and accidently clicked on dhs name on twitter.

He has been sending tweets to a few celebrities, which, again, is fine in general. However there were about 25 of them that were pretty sleazy. Things like 'Oh I'll be your new man baby' and 'I bet I could help you out with that ;)' and telling others how stunning they look.

I really don't do the whole jealousy thing often, but this made me feel horrible.

I had an accident a couple of months before christmas which left me unable to walk, and I have out on a lot of weight, I am mobileish now but losing the weight is going to take a bit of time. He hasn't given me a compliment lately (understandably, I do look like shit) but the fact that he has went out of his way to send messages to other women to make them feel good about themselves isn't on, is it?

He thinks it doesn't matter because they are celebrities and they won't even read the messages, and I am fussing about nothing, but in a way I think it's worse, he will compliment someone who doesn't even care, and might not even read it when I am sitting right there, in the same room as him, and I do care and barely get a sideways glance.

I'm over reacting aren't I?

OP posts:
JohnFarleysRuskin · 06/03/2014 11:27

Not over reacting. I can't stand sleazy men like this, sorry.

Why does he think its ok to send twatty pick-up lines to any women? Just because these women are more well known than other women is no excuse.

His attitude is bizarre. Would he be happy if you messaged people like that?

Original poster
mydhisannoying · 06/03/2014 11:36

We have been together for 16 years, since I was a teenager (he is 14 years older than I am), and this is the first time (to my knowledge anyway) that he has done anything like this.

I told him it was sleazy and he disagreed 'because everyone does it'. I told him it was disrespectful to both me, and the women he was messaging, and he disagreed with that too.

I'm not sure what he would do if it was me that was doing it, it would never enter my head to go online, find a celebrity and tell them how gorgeous they are, so it isn't something he would even have to think about.

He seems to think because they aren't 'real' (as in someone he knows) that it doesn't matter.

He can't see that it matters to me.

OP posts:
Jan45 · 06/03/2014 11:55

But they are real, they are real people, just because they might not reply doesn't change that. Sorry but I too think this is really sleazy and creepy, in fact, I would question my trust in him.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 06/03/2014 11:59

So he's a man in his 40s, flirting with women 'because everyone does it.'?

I would be annoyed if my 13yr old DS was doing this.

I don't know what to say but it sounds like this is just the tip of his shitty disrespectful attitude to you, your marriage and indeed, all women. Sorry.

struggling100 · 06/03/2014 12:00

Ugh, that is horrible. Horrible for you - and horrible for these celebs too. Who wants a married guy sliming on them? Ugh, ugh, ugh.

Also, Twitter is public - so his social media persona is now someone who makes inappropriate remarks about other women. That means that there's a kind of level of disrespect there as well.

It's simply not true that 'everyone does it'. My DH uses Twitter as part of his job, and he is very careful to interact with followers and others in a strictly above-board kind of way. He gets followers because he posts things that are interesting and thought-provoking, not things that are social.

struggling100 · 06/03/2014 12:01

Also, your DS is on there, so presumably he too can see these messages. Is that really the example you want to set as a parent - that this is the way that women should be treated?

Original poster
mydhisannoying · 06/03/2014 12:01

Well, this is it, I am questioning everything now.

The person I love wouldn't do this, he wouldn't talk to women like that, he certainly wouldn't make contact with another woman (celebrity or not). This makes me think that somewhere along the line he has changed, and I haven't noticed it happening.

All he keeps saying is that I am over reacting, everybody does it, it doesn't mean anything, it isn't like he is going to run off with any of them or cheat on me with them.

I have seen him in a different light and I don't much like it.

But where to go from here?

OP posts:
LoisPuddingLane · 06/03/2014 12:03

No, everyone doesn't do it. I used to be on Twitter and I never sleazed at celebs. I got bored with the whole thing in the end and now only ever go on my work's one.

Original poster
mydhisannoying · 06/03/2014 12:10

That is true actually, I didn't even think about ds having seen it Sad I'm fairly certain he would have told me if he had seen anything though.

Dh deleted all the tweets, and then started unfollowing all the females on his twitter, huffing and puffing and saying I was out of order (I didn't tell him to do that) and then picked up my cup (which is a funny one with a picture of a man on it) and started telling me I was being disrespectful to him for having a picture of another man (he bought me the bloody thing).

He is a knob.

I can't believe I am seriously having to rethink my marriage over bloody twitter messages. I don't know what to do though, I can't even look at him at the moment.

OP posts:
WhateverTrevor83 · 06/03/2014 12:14

I love Twitter. It's nice to be able to tweet people in the public eye and every now get a retweet or a reply.

I see loads of comments on there after an attractive female celebrity tweets something (say a nice photograph, ready to go out...) and there's a few men saying 'looking good, gorgeous...' etc. It's so cringeworthy!
Very very rarely unless it's a very low-rent celeb do they respond.

It's more naive/childish and cringe than anything else. If he just uses Twitter to do this it means his page must just be a list of cringe compliments! Hopefully no one he works with etc can see it.

Sorry OP... he sounds a bit pathetic. He can try and have a bit of a joke or compliment people if he likes it's fair enough... but calling people 'baby' etc is really lame. Makes him sound like a randy teenager/dirty old man.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 06/03/2014 12:17

Sometimes it only takes a relatively trivial thing for you to see someone in a different light. I was concerned at first that you seemed to be saying that, because you've gained a little weight, he might have had a reason to send inappropriate messages to people. But his subsequent reaction to you pulling him up on it just makes him sound like an idiot and I'm sure you've lost a lot of respect for him.

SecretWitch · 06/03/2014 12:19

Honey, your husband has been totally disrespectful to you. I imagine how very outraged and hurt I would feel if I saw my dh had twitted or texted the words 'oh, I'll be your new man'.

He knows he has been an arse. He knows he got caught. He does not sound very contrite about it either! I would feel sad and betrayed..

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 06/03/2014 12:20

YUK

SLEEEEEAZE!

Your DH is completely missing the point. What matters here is HIM, the person he is showing HIMSELF to be by doing this. It doesn't matter if his remarks were addressed to a naked shop mannequin.

I would be really, really disappointed and upset if my DH was the kind of man who thought this kind of behaviour was acceptable. It isn't. It's juvenile, it's unfunny, it's the kind of stuff men who harrass you say, it's SAD. Losers act like this. Tragic losers that think they're swaggering about being all flirty when actually it's cringey and vile behaviour. No woman likes it.

Why do you think Vic Reeves's thigh-rubbing act on Shooting Stars took the piss out of men who act like this? Because it's a classic sad loser thing to do and it's funny, because they look like dicks.

Your DH is making himself look like a dick, because sadly he indeed appears to be a dick. Explain to him that that's why you'e upset - nobody likes to realise that the man they married is a twat.

Maybe show him this thread to get the point across. You aren't jealous - you're gutted!

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 06/03/2014 12:21

Wow - your update. Sorry. He really is a knobber, isn't he?

Hope you've got other good stuff going on in your life. Try and ignore the loser, he certainly isn't worth getting upset over.

WhateverTrevor83 · 06/03/2014 12:24

PS really sorry to hear about your accident btw x

ThefutureMrsTatum · 06/03/2014 12:26

Sounds like something young lads do, even then it's cringeworthy. Tell him he's just embarrassing himself and making himself look like a desperate lonely prick.

Qix · 06/03/2014 12:27

You are not over reacting!

Jan45 · 06/03/2014 12:27

No everyone does not do this!

I'd be concerned, who else is he contacting via other social media sites.

WhateverTrevor83 · 06/03/2014 12:43

It's the equivalent of laddish oaf behaviour you might see on a night out or from workmen... wolf whistling, etc. Which is also pretty pathetic.

He's probably a bit embarrassed and is being RC because he knows he's made a t of himself.

Can't your kids see it as well if they have Twitter? That's more of a concern... not a great example to them.

Original poster
mydhisannoying · 06/03/2014 12:51

Thank you all.

I feel a bit better knowing that it isn't just me being over the top.

He is on Twitter and Facebook, I am on neither of them. I could have a good guess at his passwords so if I wanted to check then I probably could, but I don't want to do that, I would really rather just end it than feel like I have to check up on him every day.

I keep swinging between shocked, angry and hurt right now, he is at work at the moment, but I don't know what to say when he comes in.

He is the kind of person who doesn't talk if the problem doesn't effect him, he will mumble an apology, refuse to talk, and then I end up with all these unresolved feelings which I'm never allowed to talk about, so he will undoubtedly breeze in and act like nothing happened.

This time it's too much though, I can't let this go, he is making himself and me and our marriage look stupid, and being a sleazy, horrible man who I just don't recognise.

OP posts:
Foxred10 · 06/03/2014 12:55

He is making himself look like a desperate saddo Hmm
And no, everyone does not do it. Most people have more important and interesting things to fill their time with. Hitting on random celebrities online is creepy and teenage.

maleview70 · 06/03/2014 13:09

What do you want him to do now?

It won't change what he has done whatever he says or does?

It therefore shouldn't change the way you feel about him as what's done is done.

You will have to either find a way to work round it or tell him to leave if it means that much to you.

What other options do you have?

Qix · 06/03/2014 13:10

It can change the way she feels about him, as he has revealed himself to be capable of behaviour she wouldn't have imagined of him. Plus his response is ongoing.

maleview70 · 06/03/2014 13:15

No I meant even if he grovels and apologies it houldnt really change the way she feels about what he has done as it is the act that has repulsed her and this can't be undone.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 06/03/2014 13:22

Ewwww! If he went for a new job and they tried to check out his online persona, they could well see what he's really like. Grim. Big deal that you put on weight - that is no excuse for his behaviour! You're still you! This is entirely his doing and you deserve better.

Swipe left for the next trending thread