Why Does He Do That?

[Lemonylemon]

Bloody hell, what an eye opener. I've seen it recommended by people on this board, so decided to take a look.

It has made me really sad. I wish I had read this when I was 16. It should be part of the national curriculum.

I wish there was more about relationships taught and explored at school. I also wish my parents had encouraged such conversations at home, but they didn't equip me at all. I hope to do things differently with my ds.

I don't have this book, but I wish I had when I left my ExH.

Do you think it would be useful for my teen DD to read, as she has had many many problems with her dad, who practices EA as a fine art? Or is it more focused on couple type relationships?

FightingFires I think it would be useful for her to read. It doesn't overly focus on couples relationships, but "types" of abusers are illustrated, which I thought was a brilliant tack.

Eirikur If you can order it and read it now, you would still find it an amazing read.

I am planning to buy this and make sure the DCs read it in their early teens.

Yes, will urge my dd to read it when in her teens.

FightingFires, I think the insights extend beyond couples. In fact, there's one very good chapter that has a little story demonstrating how a father manages to upset his whole family, while he is sitting there being the calm one, so he looks rational and everyone else looks irrational, even though he's caused it all. It's brilliant.

Join my campaign to have it in every library!! It only takes you to fill in a "book request form"

essential reading im my opinion

That book saved my sanity. That's no exaggeration.

Ordering it now, thank you all.

I have had so many bad relationships I wouldn't have got into had I read the book.....

Mumsnet and that book saved me. I needed someone to tell me that it wasn't me, and that I couldn't fix it, to get me out of the mindset that it must be six of one and a half dozen of the other i.e. somehow my fault too.

It was like he had met my ex, extensively psychoanalysed him, and then written 300 pages on his findings. Unbelievable.

Would totally endorse ALL teenagers reading this.

It saved me too Sparkly and I believe more than my sanity. Within a few weeks of reading that book it was all over and he was out of my house, after 16 years of abusive marriage.

Actually, my mum has now read it as have my sisters. I fully intend to give it to both dds so they can read it too.

It should be taught in schools.

That's a campaign I could get behind.

Read it and wept- it was my life with xP. Helped me so much to get over the whole thing. Stopped me looking for closure or wondering if I could have done anything to change things. Stopped me looking for an apology. Helped put me back together.

Gave it to a friend's mum who had been married for thirty years to an abuser. She said it changed her life.