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Original poster

New man kept one child a secret, not the other two. Do I run away now?

82 replies

findingmymarbles · 02/03/2014 19:07

I asked him at the very beginning how many kids he had. He said two, they live with their mother, he has them regularly.

Three weeks in I found out he has another one who lives with him full time. He says he didn't tell me as he didn't want me to be put off by the idea of a full time child, it was early days, he really liked me etc.

I have no problem with him looking after his own child himself, obviously. I have a massive problem with a lie this early on. Do I run now?

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 02/03/2014 19:57

You've dated him 3week get some perspective here.its not a life partner
He's a recent shag,that's all

EBearhug · 02/03/2014 20:01

Put your other foot out of the door and go. MN is full of tales of men who seemed wonderful to start with, and turned out not to be, and you're getting weird behaviour just 3 weeks in.

I think it would be fair enough to be clear about why you're going, so he won't think it's such a brilliant idea in the future. But I wouldn't be able to stick with the lack of trust.

Original poster
findingmymarbles · 02/03/2014 20:01

Haven't even shagged him! I'm being daft aren't I, just get running!

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 02/03/2014 20:03

Oh Christ alive,I'd thought you'd miss the teeth rattling sex,hence the ambivalence

EirikurNoromaour · 02/03/2014 20:07

Run like the wind!

wyrdyBird · 02/03/2014 20:16

ah ....yes, that's the trouble - men who lie often ARE nice, funny, attentive, on your wavelength. It is very disappointing OP :(

FabBakerGirl · 02/03/2014 20:17

Doing something nice or being polite or treating you to cake does not mean it is okay when he lies to you, treats you like you are an idiot or anything else shit that I can't think of right now. Not all good makes up for bad. Not when you have known each other for three fucking weeks!!!

Cabrinha · 02/03/2014 20:49

Oh before my previous reply I somehow missed that you'd known him THREE WEEKS!!!
You can't possibly say anything about his previous behaviour. Not in 3 weeks!

cafecito · 02/03/2014 20:56

No I don't think this is an absolute cut all ties and run situation. He obviously was worried about your reaction to a child full time, many people find it very offputting and run away. He may have been advised by a friend to wait for a bit and then tell you, he may have had bad experiences in the past. You have found out rather quickly anyway. This is exactly the reaction he was probably trying to avoid, but he went about it very clumsily indeed.

This is not an absolute reason to dump him if you really like him, I believe his rationale and although it is flawed it is actually advice I have received myself on a number of occasions

EirikurNoromaour · 02/03/2014 21:00

It's a different thing to withhold the information until he knew her a little better, I had a bf do that, he had had his son at 18 and thought I might judge. He didn't have residence though and we were very young. This guy actually lied and denied the existence of his child, who he is raising full time. That's unforgivable IMO. It shows a total lack of integrity.

VelmaD · 02/03/2014 21:09

So he kept the child who lives with him a secret - if the Childs mother still living with him too?? Is he married?

Run. Three weeks. 21 days. I've had food in my fridge longer. And at least its honest about being rotten.

FabBakerGirl · 02/03/2014 21:22

Who has been looking after his child while he has been snogging you?

scottishmummy · 02/03/2014 22:07

Gads aye I've got older hummus than 3weeks
A fancy man of 3wk ain't so fancy

fideline · 02/03/2014 22:52

Grin @ Scottish

LineRunner · 02/03/2014 22:59

It may be he's sussing you out, in relation to whether he thinks he wants to introduce you to his child who lives with him. I can't think of a single other reasonable explanation for this.

AnyFuckerHQ · 02/03/2014 23:00

He is still in a relationship with the child's mother, of course

Walk away while you still have some self respect

Zazzles007 · 02/03/2014 23:04

Good god, I dated someone who did something similar - was married twice, but told me he had been only married once. Tbf, there were loads of other huge red flags waving gaily in the breeze!

If this were to happen to me nowadays, I would run a mile, and not look over my shoulder...

Northernlurker · 02/03/2014 23:06

So this 'nice' solvent man has already been through two relationships serious enough to produce children and wasn't honest about this with you. Git I'm afraid.

Balistapus · 02/03/2014 23:09

It sounds like there are other things that concern you about this man, not just the live in child issue.
I'd give him a chance to explain. If he comes clean about the back story then you could maybe move on. My mum lied to my step dad by saying that she had one child instead if two. He found out when we argued and bith came downstairs! They'd only just stared dating and my mum, who really liked my step dad, was scared that he'd be our iff by two children, but not one. He wasn't and they've been married for 35 years now.

waltermittymissus · 02/03/2014 23:10

Why are you even asking? Seriously?

Balistapus · 02/03/2014 23:12

our iff put off. Bloody phone!

FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 02/03/2014 23:12

He said there is a complicated back story to the child? Unless there is a real difficult isse, which he felt too soon to share, then there was no reason to withold information.
Also if he had said after a couple of dates....look I really need to tell you something and Im sorry Ive not told you because......and then gave you a valid reason e.g. . Due to legal confidentiality, CP case, etc then you could maybe understand. However, the fact you found out through FB without an inkling from him is quite telling.
Sorry OP.....Ive got excited about dates and tben found out info. Last one had a wife!

deakymom · 02/03/2014 23:13

why did he not say he has three children? i could have understood his reasoning (maybe) if he had admitted the child initially? unless its massively love don't bother (and if you need to facebook stalk back a year it doesn't sound like a keeper)

expatinscotland · 02/03/2014 23:18

Are you still here? Hopefully you have burned rubber and left skidmarks on this lying nobbo.

Xoticdreamz · 02/03/2014 23:26

What's the complicated back story ? Three weeks is nothing . I had not told my DH they much about myself .

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