I think I've lost my sister. Feel sick.

[matana]

Loads of family issues since before Christmas, mostly revolving around bil. Finally lost the plot tonight after various abusive texts and emailed her a warts and all diatribe about bil's offensive comments to myself and dh and abusive relationship with my sister. It was pretty hard hitting. Now what do I do? I think what I've said will push her even further away.

Ring and talk it out with her.

E mail an apology. Say you regret the other email, if you do. At least you could say sorry for being hurtful to her.

The thing is I don't think I regret what I said. But I regret the impact it will have on us. I am not sure it was worth it.

I would let things settle for a day or two and then apologise for the email, but at the same time request a meeting on neutral territory to discuss what your issues are (I'm presuming she is upset with you as you mentioned abusive texts). I'm sorry I don't know if there are issues you have discussed before I'm a newgirl!

I find that in these sorts of instances it's only a matter of time before it does become worth it.

It's hard being the one to create a scene, but really it sounds like BIL did. You should be honest with her and tell her of your regret, but also that you do feel the way you said you did.

Do nothing. Least said, soonest mended You're still in the heat of the moment and anything anyone says now is only going to make matters worse. It was cowardly of you both to text/e-mail all of this rather than talk face to face. So back off now, let the information sink in and then try an olive branch at a later point.

was it particularly/exclusively BIL who was being abusive? if so, do you think you made it clear to DSis that it was he, not her, who was getting your anger?

if you don't think this was clear, maybe a follow-up email, assuring you will be there for her when she needs it someday.

his abuse towards you and DH is classic isolation technique. hope DSis wakes up soon.

Yes it's bil who is abusive and his offensive comments have in some way hurt and alienated just about everyone in the family at various stages. It's worse now because he's unemployed and they're at home together all the time, that's why it's reached a peak. But in truth I was angry with her too for her recent actions and inability to see it.

And thanks all for your comments.

Cogito - my sister shouts, swears and doesn't listen when she's defending him. It was the only way I could be sure she'd hear what I was saying.

Okay, so it sounds like you stand by what you've written. Let the dust settle. See if she responds.

She may have heard you but she won't have been listening. Don't stoop to her level.

I had a similar situation with my db and his gf.

He won't (or cant't) speak to me now. I pray for the day they break up.