I had an affair

[Suicidal5833]

I am bipolar and borderline and I had a affair. This has now ended dh doesn't know I feel so shit feel like killing myself. I deserve everything this board has to throw at me. Every day I read about people who have found their partners cheating and it reminds me of how much hurt and confusion I have caused. I also shut dh out and accused him of being controlling I played mind games to the point where he wonders if he has been controlling.

I feel so down now and now the high is gone I'm stuck having to feel the guilt for what I've done. I've debated about telling dh but he says when I try to bring it up that he just wants to forget about it all. So I wonder am I being selfish in wanting to tell him or not.

Jeez tinsel stop bringing your own baggage to this thread, the last post was hateful. I understand entirely what you are saying but this is not the way you would handle things if the op was a patient is it? I hope not anyway.

OP, at he risk of sounding harsh, people do not commit suicide because they have been 'let down' by intervention. They commit suicide because it is their choice, however flawed and affected their decision making may be at that point.

Contrary to the Daily Mail view, people who abuse children also do not do so because of a failure in Children's Services - they do it because they choose to.

Both areas involve both crisis intervention and long term support. Both do make errors and, yes, there are individuals who slip through he net.

However, failures in service provision do not eradicate a need in us all for personal responsibility. You do seem lucid and rational, therefore, limited beds will and should be allocated to those who are simply not able to take responsibility for there own thoughts and actions at this time.

Do keep talking to the professionals. Keep your family informed and make sure they feel empowered to act in your best interests should your lucidity diminish.

Offred, there is no baggage and YES, this is exactly how I would deal with this situation face-to-face.

I do not think there is anything 'hateful' in observing that someone who presents - quite literally - as suicidal seems to be capable of managing their own feelings and actions.

Why do you consider that 'hateful'? How do you think I should respond?

It isn't pleasant to contemplate, I know, but if the OP is suicidal, yet lucid, she needs to follow the advice of her allocated professionals.

I don't think Tinsel is bringing baggage to the thread, I think she's offering information as an expert on the little information we have.

OP, was it a physical or emotional affair? How long did it last? Did you break it off or him? If it was you, I have greater respect, I cannot imagine how hard and overwhelming this all is.

I think the length and extent of the affair should contribute into your discussions with your HCP, and how you justified it by making your DH villainous your DH to help you justify your mistake.

Obviously no need to answer here, but I think dealing honestly with these issues will help you gain perspective. It will also help you when you do talk to your husband (NOT that ANYTHING condones an affair) so you can give him more truthful answers than you were just ill, if that makes sense? AKA why the need to sneak around? Why the need to play mind games with your DH's mind instead of laughing like he was silly to think it and play on his emotions.

No I had no problems in my marriage I was very happy. I ended it as soon as my mood changed from manic to depressed.

It's the passive aggressive/simply aggressive attitude as much as the actual things you're saying.

The hatefulness in that post I saw was nothing to do with observing the op is lucid, it is to do with your aggressive and accusatory manner and the way you have told the op what she is doing/has done based on generalisations to do with her illness and without knowing anything about her personally.

I don't think it appropriate to go into to so many accusations and generalisations on the Internet. Perhaps your professional experience is making you overconfident.

The only wise thing to do when someone has a crisis, whether it is a crisis needing admittance or a crisis that can be managed in the community is to direct them to their mental health care providers not try guessing and haranguing and predicting their behaviour and accusing them of things. What kind of help could you possibly think you are doing with that? It's like an attitude from the past where someone feels the 'hysterical woman needs a good talking to'.

Tinsel you seem to dislike people with borderline personality disorder I wonder why it's more my fault I have this than bipolar it's not my fault I was neglected beaten and brutally raped as a child meaning that I have developed borderline yes I am articulate I am quite a intelligent woman I was a straight a student when well and not that I have to justify myself but the reason I'm so articulate right now is because just because I have a mental illness does not make me stupid and it's easier to talk on a board of strangers than it is to do anything right now.

I take full responsibility for my illnesses and I am doing everything in my power to get well not every one with borderline is manipulative that is a terrible general sweeping sensation. In fact being manipulative is not even a diagnostic criteria.

I am even attempting to get clean to make myself better.

Tinsel, you sound like some of the ignorant staff I have met working as so called HCP. Of course mood stablisers can be uped, including lithium.

OP- bipolar is shit, the guilt just for being ill is bad enough let alone after doing a bad thing. I was really high recently and put myself and my children in danger, We have had to cancel a family holiday, my DH is really far behind work, my DM made herself ill trying to look after the DC. Guilt guilt guilt.

The best thing you can do to alleviate yhe guilt is to change your lifestyle to make it as healthy mentally as possible, the best things I have done ( and god I wish I had done them at 26) were

Mindfulness/medication
A low GI diet
Moderate exercise
Medication management

That sends a very strong mrssage tomthose around you that younare doing everything you can to stop yourself getting ill again.

Killing yourself would destroy their lives for years. I have lost friends through many means but the two through suicide were horrific, what it did to those close to them was vicious. Jt left a huge unbelivably gulf of endless pain, guilt, anger, sadness far worse we suffer or yhan you vould cause by living.

I can see how bad you feel about hurting those close to you, so do things to make that better not a whole lot worse.

Take it slowly, the new meds are likely to make you feel really shotty for a while, Inalways react terribly. Take it hour by hour and you will get better over time

That sounds like good advice treacle, my sister (psychiatrist) has mentioned mindfulness positively to me.

Thank you treacle very much mindfulness is the therapy I'm waiting on I too have had to cancel a family holiday because it was in te time and my dc have missed too much time off school because I've been too I'll to take them. my mum has me and my mentally ill sister to look after and my three kids she is losing money because she has had to cut down her shifts. My house is a pig sty and dh is depressed. I try to exercise but right now it's so hard. I'm also depressed because I've gained loads of weight.

Oh god, the state of our house after the last high, honestly looked we have been robbed.
Have you looked at the unfuck your habitat blog, brilliant for us lot. Bit by bit.
My weight goes up and down with my moods. But improving my diet really helped.

Just wow.

A mental health professional who thinks personality disorders are untreatable??

Well I just wasted 3 years on individualised schema therapy, and so did the consultant psychologist who treated me.

Incurable, possibly. But not untreatable (there are several different treatment that work for bpd!).

You need to dig deep, really deep but you can survive.

I have bipolar as well and just come out of having an affair where now I feel the same as you, suicidal and struggle with carrying on. But I am surviving and all is not lost, call your psych and talk to them ASAP or any of your friends who can support you.

I feel that those 2 or 3 really good friends listen and don't judge you for what's happened. Please don't listen to the haters on here, you look after yourself because YOU WILL SURVIVE

Holy crap! I hope I never need to be taken care of by Tinsel

Good luck OP, I hope you manage to get the help you need not from tinsel

Lol puds thanks ladies str8ighttothepoint thank you very much it helps to hear from other survivors and I'm so sorry you ended up having a affair I hope your recovering from it successfully.

Greatmy little sister asked me for a pg test for one of her friends turns out it was positive and the girl is refusing to tell her mam so now I have to tell her mam she is 12 poor thing I hope she will be okay.

Yes, that's what I think tinsel meant really, incurable. It's what i meant.

It was the 'I feel more sorry for the dh' and the 'you have bpd so you have affairs/attempt suicide in order to manipulate people' I had a problem with. Yes, sometimes it's like that but we don't know the op to make a pronouncement like that and I think it is very unlikely that a HCP would say those things to a patient.

I don't think my ex was doing it necessarily to manipulate me. He was poor at emotional regulation because he had suffered abuse as a child. Not an excuse for abusing me, the affairs and self harm were not how he was manipulative. He was psychologically, sexually, emotionally and financially abusive. Not necessarily because he had bdp but because that's how he chose to deal with it.

I have anxiety and want to control my environment. That can lead to abusive and controlling behaviour if you choose to manage your anxiety in that way. It's something I am conscious of and i think very successful at avoiding and I've had minimal therapy.

People with MH problems are still people and all different.

I hope you are feeling a little better op? I think you do seem a little better, there was another thread of yours I saw where you seemed virtually catatonic.

You had a affair......well here's a big gold star for messing up your life.

I am feeling a bit better at the moment thank you very much.

That's good. I'm sure it's not magically fine but you seemed really bad on the other thread.