I had an affair

[Suicidal5833]

I am bipolar and borderline and I had a affair. This has now ended dh doesn't know I feel so shit feel like killing myself. I deserve everything this board has to throw at me. Every day I read about people who have found their partners cheating and it reminds me of how much hurt and confusion I have caused. I also shut dh out and accused him of being controlling I played mind games to the point where he wonders if he has been controlling.

I feel so down now and now the high is gone I'm stuck having to feel the guilt for what I've done. I've debated about telling dh but he says when I try to bring it up that he just wants to forget about it all. So I wonder am I being selfish in wanting to tell him or not.

He needs some proper professional support I think if it is affecting his mental health. You aren't responsible for this, you haven't asked to be mentally ill but I wonder if it would be possible to investigate whether there is help for your family as a whole rather than just treatment for you?

It is really really tough caring for someone with mental health problems and he will need support as much as you I think.

And can you contact your team today and explain you're having a crisis? Your family shouldn't really be on suicide watch like that, it's important to get professional help in crisis rather than try to deal with it within the family - that would help your dh too I think, if you went to the HCPs.

I've tried crisis they upped my meds but that is it they won't admit me because I have a history of catatonic phases and at the moment my brain is attempting to go catatonic so they say admitting me will make me catatonic quicker.

What do you think is best? Do you want to be admitted?

Is the increased dose helping?

Admitting you obviously is a short term measure and won't impact long term recovery positively necessarily but you've told them you're in crisis, they've taken some action, if it isn't helping you should go back and tell them.

I am sure, speaking from the other side of this, that there are multiple day-to-day facets of your behaviour and actions that make your husband unhappy.

You have shown yourself that you are not committed to him. Let him go. You don't need to tell him about the affair but you do need to release him from the daily, soul destroying horror of trying to deal with your actions and lack of respect.

I hope you find happiness. Just not at the expense of other people. A diagnoses is not an excuse.

I only started yesterday so I don't know yet it takes a month to know. Me and my family have pleaded for addmittance but they shut our local pychiatric unit and the nearest one is two hours away and unfortunately as they have not increased the beds there they now have the same number of beds for double the area. It used to be a lot easier to be addmitted but since they have done that it's nigh on impossible they just don't have the facilities.

Yes, it's the same around the country but being admitted really is just a short term crisis intervention measure. I think you need to stick with the meds. There is value in communicating with them every time you feel really bad though so that they are aware if not for any other reason.

I'm sure that's really tough for you. It is also really difficult for your partner.

I also know that it is quite common for borderlines to use admittance as an attention seeking measure then pull away before it happens.

Just to keep the spouse reeled in.

I don't use addmittance for attention seeking I really want addmittance so my family can have a break.

Personality disorders are 'untreatable'. Mood stabilisers for bipolar are not really 'up-able'. How honest are you being here, OP?

I recognise certain things in the way you have couched things that make me feel very wary of your integrity.

The Samaritans are there if you feel suicidal. Give them a call.

Personality disorders can be managed tinsel but yes are untreatable.

I think your posts are quite unhelpful to the op.

I can see they might be helpful for the op's husband having been in a relationship with someone with bpd. I have two children with him and yes, he will never not have the disorder but he is much improved since he's had support and treatment and he's been quite stable with the dc's for a whole year now.

You could give your family 'a break' by going away to a friend's or a Travelodge for a few days.

If you are suicidal, call The Samaritans.

Why have the crisis team not taken you in on a voluntary section?

Wtf of course mood stabilisers and anti psychs which I take are able to be put up.

Only lithium has a certain therapeutic treatment level and I don't take lithium other meds it's all about finding the right dose.

Offred, I take your point but, frankly, I do have more sympathy for the OP's partner than her. As (ironically) a mental health professional, I am also well aware of certain manipulations of the truth here and why they might be happening.

But the op's dh is not on this thread. If you're a mental health professional is this the attitude you take with patients?

She explained they haven't taken her in because the unit shut and there are no beds.

I find it hard to believe a mental health professional has no knowledge that bipolar meds consist of more than lithium and can be increased and decreased. There are loads of meds which can be increased and decreased olanzapine aripiprazole sodium valproate depakote lamotrifene lamictal serquel risperidone.

If she is suicidal, with people doing a 24 hour watch, then she is eligible for sectioning in a secure unit. Beds will be found.

Despite huge failings and criticisms, NHS mental health services are very good at providing at the point of dire need.

Yes, I would encourage clients to be honest with themselves and other people. It is essential if they are to receive an appropriate level of care.

OP, I do understand that but I also understand a broader dynamic. It is crippling to live with severe mental health problems - crippling. However, you seem very capable of rational thinking and discourse.

You are, therefore, empowered to make choices. I have no doubt that you are aware of the choices available to you and I wish the very best outcome for all concerned.

mental health services are good at providing at the dire point of need

I disagree with this completely there is not enough funding and anyone who reads the mental health boards knows it is a postcode lottery there is one young lady whose sister committed suicide after visiting crisis on the mental health board she was failed by the system because there isn't enough funding.

Absolutely. Funding and attitudes socially are an enormous barrier to service provision.

You are clearly very well read on the subject and capable of discussing it rationally at the point of crisis.

That is a very positive sign that you are managing your mental health very well.

A great many people without mental health problems also have affairs and suffer overwhelming feelings of guilt and responsibility.

Is it possible you had an affair because you have problems in your marriage/life rather than because of your mental health issues which you appear to be managing?

Mental health services are really struggling with cuts and there is not the same cohesion since the changes in commissioning this is true. I wouldn't be so confident they aren't turning away people in sure need anywhere in the country.

I don't think this is the thread for that debate really.

I do think op you should persevere with the meds and also with communicating with the professionals. It is even more important you communicate with them if there is a shortage of beds.