Should i be angry at this?

[cloud23]

Hi, i need your advice and thoughts here. My OH and i live apart. We have a DS. When OH comes to see us he behaves like we are in a normal relationship, physical and emotional. Sends texts, rings, i love you etc. He has been withdrawn with us both for a couple of weeks, tonight i find a post on facebook and he has sent OW flowers. He doesnt pay a penny towards DS and never has. What do i do now???

He always says im the most uncaring person ever. Today i felt sorry for the ow, he will put her through this now. I almost want to walk into the shop , and go talk to one of her friends and warn them to keep a watch on her, to recognize when he uses her. Although i suspect he is already doing that.
We had reached an easy peace. Is that why he has started that relationship?

who knows, mine just always had a few other on the go.

It would likely be pointless to warn the ow as he'll be a bigger influence on her than you, it can even make it worse because he'll just say "Oh my god that's my crazy ex, see how crazy she is AND she even thinks we are still together" and then she'll feel sorry for him and hate you and it can be dangerous for you as he might want to punish you in some way.

Saying you are uncaring is good for controlling you because it makes you want to defend yourself by making an effort to be extra caring which in reality is just doing what he is expecting/wanting you to do.

It was and i got wise to that. I had to disengage from dsds because he used them an awful lot to take more from me than i was comfortable with. Im not proud of that but he uses everybody.
The punish element is terrifying. Im trying to stay calm and disinterested, hard to do when i feel like this.
I agree totally thats what he would say. He told me the exact same thing. About all his exes. Loud alarm bell there. Still i stayed, what a fool am i. I fought for someone i loved, i fought to stay together because i didnt think it was that bad. Who am i??? I had more sense.

You're not a fool, you're just not a cold hearted bitter and mistrustful person and you likely behaved like you were in a normal relationship. Trouble is you weren't and that's his fault.

he wants a normal relationship, a normal family. It was my fault i didnt give it to him.
He made it impossible.
Ive got to go to sleep now. Please stay in touch, pm if necessary.
I will ring. You made me see that i need to, and it was that bad.
Thank you.

he wants a relationship on his terms I think, it will never be normal. He wants you to give in to his rules. He's playing to what is no doubt your overwhelming desires for things to be normal in the relationship there!

Have a good sleep. Come back here or pm anytime.

Not all men are abusive, plenty are lovely, this one is an abuser I think and you'll be so much better without him.