I'm glad the thread is giving you hope. It is good you are keeping your head down with him too and important you keep doing this until you do manage to speak to women's aid.
With mine he left after he assaulted me while I had DS in my arms (pushed me over on the floor) and took DS during an argument where he wanted me to pay more despite him having all the money. The police asked him to leave initially for 24 hours but he never came back.
A friend suggested I go to a local children's centre to try and break the isolation he had forced on me. They recognised the abuse and referred me to Women's Aid locally and for counselling at the centre.
He moved in with the most recent OW. He was ashamed and avoided me. Talked shit about me. I was afraid and afraid to go anywhere other than the children's centre and my mum's and would get her to pick me up in the car rather than go out because all the people he talked shit about me to would harass me in the street.
Women's aid advised me to contact the police and they warned him for harassment (friends of his bothering me counted as him harassing me). The police warned him. He tried using the police to harass me unsuccessfully for a while. Women's aid changed my locks for free, my landlord took him off the joint tenancy and told me he thought he was a bastard all along.
My parents didn't support me and instead were meeting with him and supporting him.
He eventually took me to court claiming I was preventing contact but really he was just ashamed and had backed himself into a corner by telling everyone I was stopping him seeing DS. They told him to take me to court and he had to in order to not look like a liar.
I was terrified because I knew how manipulative he was and was convinced everyone else would believe him, as most people did, even my parents. Women's aid reassured me and supported me, said they'd seen this a lot and I should trust the court to see through him and advised me about how to effectively make my case.
The court date was for DD's birth date so I had to fight to have that rearranged and fight to be allowed to breastfeed her in court.
My solicitor was great. Mediation was refused because I was receiving women's aid support and was very afraid of him at the time. They also put provisions in at the court so we would not have to be in the same room for most of the case.
He lied and said dd wasn't his and he didn't want to see her. I risked contempt of court by insisting he couldn't take ds without dd. He lied and said I'd forced him to put his name on her birth certificate even though she wasn't his. The court made an exception and applied for a DNA test even though he wasn't asking for contact with her. Sh was proved his and he conceded to having her added to the case.
Contact was initially in a contact centre because I had concerns about the DC safety (although he never threatened to abduct them, he was sexually abusive, took drugs, had a drink problem and was being investigated for sexual offences - came to nothing in the end).
The whole thing took around 3 years from when he left with the court making contact arrangements to suit him which he just didn't bother with (didn't turn up) and then the magistrate made his judgement saying I had never prevented contact and he should never have brought the case, that he should apologise for "saying the worst things you could ever say about a person nevermind the mother of your own child"
After that for a few years he was very flakey with contact, we did some mediation because I wasn't afraid anymore and the mediator supported me over him when he was blantantly lying. He didn't pay any child support for years.
He was eventually diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and received treatment. Got stable work, got a regular gf who he has now married (but is abusing I'm sure). I went to CSA and he messed them around and eventually had a deduction taken from his pay.
Since that, although he is not involved with DC lives in any real way (doesn't come to school for any reason, doesn't know their teachers or friends) and only see them for a few hours on a sunday, he has been reliable and stable with contact and child support.
It has got a lot better for me. I can't express how amazing women's aid were for me - life changing! It has taken a long time for me to heal but as well as being sad and afraid when he left I was also drunk on freedom.
I think your guy is worse and more dangerous though tbh. I know ther is hope for you as I've seen many other women in worse situations than me come through it when I did group therapy with WA but I think it really emphasises how important WA's support is.
Sorry for the essay!