Staying DRY

[MrsSippie]

This is a continuation of the last thread DRY We are all doing our best to abstain completely from alcohol.

Sorry to be so me, me, me.

I am impressed with how well so many of you are doing

Just quickly popping in before I head out for coffee and cake with a friend, will have a read back later and catch up properly, but waves to all the newcomers, lovely to see everyone (well not lovely that we've all suffered at the hands of drink but you know what I mean!)

Day 32 here, can't quite believe it, it's been over 8 years since I've been this long without alcohol, I could kiss myself!

Thanks for the links, tortoise

Welcome Sunday

Well done, scentedcandles

And everyone else.

sunday,welcome, don't think of it as 7 days, just one day at a time. I know recovering alcoholics 18 years sober, they still think of it as one day at a time.
alot of us seem to stumble at weekends, need to treat it as another day keep it simple.
to be blunt, have to always remember this is a life threatening, family threatening disease we are all dealing with, not a game we can pick and choose when to play.
stay sober one day at a time, then start again tomorrow.
I am off to see my AA sponsor shortly, always puts me in the right mood frame.
Had a couple of people back to AA this week that came for a few weeks then thought they could do it on their own, sadly wrong. we all do it though at some level, think we are cured, can have just a couple. I get that regularly, have to argue with the alcoholic self because I know that I can't. .end of.
Had someone come to a meeting this week that knows me from school. 7 months ago that would of scared the shit out of me, but not now. Different mind set, I can hold my head high now. I am a good person, a good mum, a sober, confident person. This person is where I was 7 months ago, and deserve the help I was lucky enough to be given.
have a good day all.

Hello all. Doing more lurking than posting. Still AF (5 weeks now) but my usual joyful self has taken a battering thanks to a jogging injury! I'm totally out of action and desperately missing those exercise endorphins. Taking lots of painkillers and feeling very overwhelmed and fed up by the smallest tasks. DC on school holidays doesn't help! Not tempted to drink as I know it will make my mood even lower.

Allhail I found your post really interesting. I have always had low level (undiagnosed) depression and bad pmt. whenever I stop drinking I feel SO much better. So for me, I wouldn't need those antiDs when I went back to the GP after 4 weeks.
Your comments about the Soberistas website made me laugh too. I find it a really annoying website, and way too American! It's hard to navigate, a pain to log on to every time, and needless to say I will not be paying to subscribe! This thread will do nicely thank you! Along with blogs.

Still haven't told anyone that I'm stopping forever. Just bumbling through day by day making excuses to friends etc. I wonder if it's safer to admit there is a problem and I have to abstain to combat it. Then I think people would be more supportive and not do the whole 'come on, just one' thing.

I think it was Tortoise who wrote up thread that doing it ODAAT doesn't work; that it has to be all or nothing. I'm the same. If I think I am just doing it for today it doesn't seem so real. I do, however, know that getting through the minutes/hours/day when you're having a wobble does help, as does the whole 'just don't pick up the first drink' mentality.

Anyway enough from me. Welcome newcomers.

Hey allhail I expect I will be me me me right along with you, so dont worry! In fact, I have been me me me since I started drinking to shut my brain up. Drinking makes you selfish.
Anyway, day 1, me and you today.

I think I may be one of those "all or nothing" types. Whoever it was upthread who said that having to make that decision to be AF every day is harder. I think that would be too risky for me. I don't have any faith in my ability to make that decision daily.
Although, the thought of a week frikkin terrifies me, so maybe there is something in it.
Yes, I am confused!

Staying dry, you are doing amazingly. I am in awe.

Hi MistressofPemberley, which is your favourite blog?
I am so needy! I feel like I need people to talk to online a lot, I haven't talked to anyone about this and I feel so lonely.
I have namechanged a lot on mn recently, I used to have a few sort of semi-friends on here, i think, but no one knows me now. I will stick with this name for a bit and hope to have some friends

hi Sunday. day 1. we can do this
what happened? Do you want to talk about it?

I had a really selfish thought that I wanted dp to stop drinking. I have never thought this before. I know he won't. i don't even want to bring it up with him. Just thinking.... woudln't it be nice

Hi everyone. I am definitely all or nothing. I counted up how many days AF I was, and the result was a bit depressing, as it was only 8 days or something. I find also if I think 'right, that's it' it is easier too for me. The decision was made, I will review at some point, but I will not drink for the forseeable future.

I find the link between alcohol and depression a really interesting one. I have always had depressive tendencies, even before I was drinking, but I honestly cannot recall the last time I felt really happy. Being AF lately I HAVE felt happy. Just kind of content within myself. That is such a major shift in my psyche.

We are healing ourselves. We are quite entitled to be 'me me me' in our posts. :) I find it immensely valuable reading about how everyone is feeling. Pretty much every post written speaks to me as it is what I feel also.

Last week I bought myself a gold chain and heart. This week I will get the back engraved with the names of DH and DS. Every time I wobble I plan to squeeze my heart to remind me why and for whom I am doing this. For me, for my family. That has given me alot of comfort and strength already.

What a good idea, nochips. I was in the kitchen the other day thinking about having people over and how it makes me drink and wondering if I could have a talisman in there of some sort... an image or a stone or a text or something.... something physical.... haven't done anything about it (yet)

the talisman thing is a bit like the AA chips I guess,. I got about five of them, but threw them away after I stopped going. I guess my motivation is just the children but it would be good to have a chain or something.

Ach, nothing has happened as such, just the usual drinking too much, having a hangover, being a horrible grumpy shouty mare, not drinking, feeling better the next day, and repeat..
Ds is being an arse at the moment (can you say that about an 8 year old? Anyway he is) so not sure doing it for the children is going to get me through today!
I am sure his mother being constantly tense and on a short fuse directly contributes to his current behaviour though, which, obvs, makes me want to have a bottle of wine in the house so that at least I have that to cling to. I don't know if I am actually an alcoholic, but I have realised I am at least psychologically dependent.
I guess I just want to break the cycle. Be a better mother, have more patience, not wake up sometimes feeling like death and plaster my blotchy face with make up so I look normal, and just get through the day.
I have "got through" so many days. I want to enjoy life.
It should be so simple-why isn't it?
It scares me that, if I find it hard to not drink for 7 days, then I probably shouldn't be drinking ever.
My dad was a drinker. He suffered in later years from depression, and when the GP put him on the anti-D's he cut right down, for a while. The difference was amazing. He came to visit me, and looked ten years younger. He was like a different person in himself too. But it didn't last.
He died a few years ago, and I feel like I am just following his pattern. He was very intelligent, had so much potential, but he climbed into a bottle and never came out.
Lately, when I catch myself in a mirror, I see his face looking back at me. Same haunted look, same dead looking skin.

great messages, a talisman, good idea. I don't have one as such but occasionally treat myself to something small I want, I.e. picture, quilt cover, garden thing, and as I choose, pay for it I tell myself I can afford it because of what I save on booze and then every time I see it it reminds me
I used to carry my 24 hour AA chip in my purse, but I kept pulling it out by accident and embarrassing myself in shops
sounds like all came through the weekend, all those in early days recovery, stay strong.
had a great meeting with my sponsor and some lovely texts from people I'm helping in early recovery. god, can't believe sometimes the wreck I was 8 months ago, if I can do it anyone can

Hello all , especially new people

Really interesting posts. Around fug and depression and stuff. Lots to think about it.

About AA. I have a meeting near my work at lunchtimes which would be do-able. StayingDry obviously loves it Does anyone else have any experience with them? Can you give it a try and not go? What do you do about the total terror of your first meeting? Just really feels like a big step but OTOH if it's going to be a big help then it would be good for me to do. & I have heard some stories about them which were not so positive I guess it depends on the dynamic of that particular group?

Anyway I am doing OK, getting the odd wobble but not going to give in because this is done now. Day 15 I think... Can't believe it really. My friend who I told about it says I look better. I have to accept though that my children drive me around the bend and that is how it is whether I'm drinking or not. Not drinking doesn't turn me into beneficient patient super-mum and drinking doesn't numb the fact that they drive me round the bend. It's things like that that give me trouble. If I'm not thinner / a better person / etc etc then what's the point. And then I have to list the reasons in my head and remind myself of the avoiding social situations and the being the awful drunk one and how it's going to affect work & family in the end and all the rest of it...

Keep up the good work everyone and can I say how amazingly supportive I find this thread & I couldn't be doing this without this place and you guys to touch base with and understand

Hi all..can I join please? I need some people to speak to me. I just did six weeks alcohol free, that's after struggling to do more than a few days over the last four years. Am a single working mum with two young boys. Have had some recent alcohol counselling plus reading some good books and going for it. So I did six weeks AF, then last night went for a pub meal and everyone else in the world seemed to be drinking! So I ordered a lager. ( old drinking pattern was 1-2 bottles of wine each night, often alone). That's all I had last night as I was driving and friend was on my case. But since last night i have been obsessed, totally, with drinking again, and am now sitting here with a bottle of wine I got on the way home from work. What does this ya to you? Am I over analysing? The voice in my head says stay away from drink again, you gained so much and were a better person...and the other voice says 'wine was your drink, enjoy it, see what advice you get on mums net then decide if you are back in control of drink'. Please can I have some opinions? All welcome. Sorry for long post.

nice tabard...for what it's worth, I got thinner, and was a better person. And you are right, we don't turn instantly into a super patient mum, but we are generally better and more consistent over time.

DippyDoohDahDay, don't drink the wine. you know you have done so much to lose. I am a fucking idiot and even I can see you don't want to drink the wine and will be so pleased and proud of yourself if you don't drink the wine.

Is anyone there with you?

Get rid of it. Put it down the sink.

What are you doing now?

What can you do to distract yourself? (other than talk to us - you can talk to us of course!)

Was the 6 weeks always the intention or were you aiming for more or just seeing how it went?

You were - are - a better person, alcohol free. You said so yourself

1-2 bottles of wine a night is where I was at and that level of drinking is unsustainable for a host of reasons all of which you know. If you could have one glass, 2, half a bottle and call it a day then you wouldn't be on this thread.

What would I do in your boat tonight? How I feel now? Tip it down the sink and hold your breath while you do it so you don't smell it and wash it all away then do something that you don't associate with drinking but enjoy eg I rarely drank in bed, so up there with a coffee and a book/telly is something I do not associate with drinking and so helps me stop thinking about it.

Thanks for replies.. To be clearer, am drinking the wine already. It was a done deed when I was at the shop. But do I sound like someone with a problem? Do I take this as my hazard light that it's never going to be ok for me to dabble?
I was going for abstinence. I loved it ninety five per cent of the time. Did not feel holier than thou, why should I , just glad for me and my boys.
Feels doubly complicated. I work in the addictions field...and here I am. My job both reinforces my abstinence, undermines my drinking 'look at your clients many of them drink far more than you', and keeps my behaviour so much under my own scrutiny day by day..
It's hard at work, hard at home...and my ex h disappeared six months ago abroad but may be looming for my dc.
Someone give me a virtual slap...

Please don't slate me..
I know it can be bloody hard for all of us

And actually all I have done tonight is be self indulgent emotionally and scoffed crap food. ...got through some great books and films when was not drinking..

Drink your wine.
Rinse and recycle.
Go to bed.
Start again tomorrow.
95% of the time is well well well worth it.
There is always going to be someone drinking more than you - even ones who appear to be fine. Or people you can look and and pretend they are drinking as much as you, based on what they do and say when they go out etc.

We all know that drinking 1-2 bottles of wine a night is not normal drinking behaviour.

Yes things are hard BUT anaesthetising yourself - always either a bit pissed or a bit hungover - doesn't really work does it, it doesn't help.

Write tonight off as a loss. Walk past the offy tomorrow (I know it's hard). But it is WORTH IT you felt so much better for those 6 weeks, you could have that all the time. Rather than sitting there with your brain going round and round, should I shouldn't I, is this too much, have I got enough, am I going to get ill no I'll be fine, blah etc. If you aren't drinking then you don't even need to bother thinking about all that crap.

So.....
When drinking I......eat crappy food
..intake far more calories..
..send regrettable texts/ Facebook messages/posts...
...drag myself around a big in the mornings...
....struggle financially to fund it....
...am less consistent as a mum than I should be...
...feel guilty...
...occasionally do something I am mortified about..
..have crap sleep...
when I AM NOT DRINKING I........
..eat healthily and enjoy new soft drinks..
...don't regret my actions as I chose each one consciously...
...feel fab in mornings, even if dc give me disturbed sleep..
..can afford the odd treat..
...feel in control and assertive...
..don't worry about the cause of that pain in my side/ my head, etc....
..am a good mum that's getting better...

Yes yes yes

It's a no brainer isn't it.

But it is HARD. You just did it for 6 weeks though! That is simply incredible. And you know HOW to do it, you have done it before!

Start afresh tomorrow. We are all here and doing the same, all in the same boat.

You know what you want. To feel and be better, to save all that money, to spend 95% of the time feeling great because you aren't drinking.

Go for it

Do you have any other booze in the house?

Thanks tabard... You are right. I think I romanticised this wine after last night, but I've been back to my boring fuzzy edged self tonight so on balance, what was the point in drinking tonight...
Do you think it's ok for me to still credit myself with those six weeks and see the last 24 hours as a stupid lapse...or am I back on day one? Why am I thinking like this?!

Hi there everyone. Sorry haven't been on for a while, but wanted to check in and give a welcoming wave to all the new people.

Also - Tabard - wanted to pass on my experience of AA. Clearly, one can run into dodgy people anywhere, but AA has been a total Godsend for me (not meant in religious way - AT ALL - I hasten to add). Something about being in a room full of people who are wired the same way that is hugely powerful and supportive. I like the structure and RL element too. I am a card-carrying atheist and freaked out about the way they bandy the word God around for quite a while. But I am 2 years and a month in now and have realised that you can totally take or leave that side of things (plus 'God' can just be the power of the group or your cat, frankly, if you want it to). If you don't like it, you can just not go back. No one will collar you if you drop in to a meeting. You can always arrive just when it's about to start and sit at the back (although I think you get loads more out of saying hi to people when you grab a coffee and sitting nearer the front so you 'connect' more with people). I know some people here have had bad experience and clearly there are ghastly people everywhere in life - including in AA meetings - but surely no harm in giving it a go? I found such a massive sense of relief when I went to my first one. I had dreaded it too (admitting what a loser I was), but felt so GOOD to hear all these people from different walks of life speaking about stuff that I related to so so clearly. Good black humour in there too - I find that quite helpful also! So I am very much in the 'pro' camp and it has certainly worked for me. My previous attempts to get sober/control my drinking got me nowhere. For years - and years - and years…..