Staying DRY

[MrsSippie]

This is a continuation of the last thread DRY We are all doing our best to abstain completely from alcohol.

No it doesn't MrsSippie, it makes it come back, because it makes you that person again.

How long is it today since you last had a drink?

Is there someone you can phone about the this, about how you feel about finding the diary? I totally get why that hurts, can you talk to someone about it?

you can always phone samaritans of course - just for a 5 minute ARFGH!

no chips - strawberries - great idea. Do you have a green house?

We (dds and I) are going to plant nasturtiums and herbs this weekend. Keeping it simple to start

You can do it Sippie. Drink doesn't ever make it go away, it just pushes it down. Would speaking to a counsellor help in the long-term about things when you were younger?

The past is the past with regards to finding the diary. We have all done things we aren't proud of as parents, part of having kids made me realise our parents didn't know everything, made mistakes and basically wing it like the rest of us. You and your dd have built a relationship now, she is proud of you stopping drinking yeah? You don't want to rewrite history with your other dc. Hugs in the meantime xx

mrs sippie the noises in your head is the alcoholic. its a disease and its found a way in, do not let it, you have done so well.
it is using the diary find as an excuse for you to drink.we all have issues from our past, and its that, the past.
I have loads of awful memories and dealings from my childhood and after, I don't want to go into but I have finally dealt with them.
I wtote them all down, its hard to explain but its one of the AA steps, and once I had looked at and then got my washing machine head sorted I felt a zillion times better.
drinking will not help, just bury for a time, but then it's gonnabe an awful lot worse in your head when you sober up, which you will because you've had a taste of a wonderful life , a life without drinking.
take care and stay strong. xx

MrsSippie you can get through this. It's surely going to be incredibly hard at times, but you know that drinking again will make things a million times worse.
Have you had or looked into some sort of counseling or therapy? I can't remember which book it was in (I think a Liz Hemmingway one), but I know the author had some therapy to work through some of the guilt she felt.

You have a good relationship with DD now, don't you? Try to focus on all those wonderful things you do and have done as her mum.

MrsSippie before you pick up any drink please go through and read your own thread- THIS thread. All your posts where you are so happy and positive. The past is done and dusted. The only thing that need concern you is the present and the future.

Thank you. I am waiting for counselling from MIND but it's taking forever :( It's coming up for 5 months I've not been drinking and i KNOW it's better, but today I just feel awful.

Saw my mother yesterday which always makes me unwell and then the diary, and dh being able to drink and just I don't know - everything. ARGHHH. I run and run and run and feel great for a while but where's the reward? Oh ignore me - just ranting really.

Also terrified of tomorrow as we have to drive on motorways and the terror I feel just thinking bout it is ridiculous.

Luckily have some diazepam, which I will be taking before we start. Another bloody crutch.

Oh right you saw your mother.

Reward. Can you go a bit crazy in some other way?
Buy a piece of ebay jewellery?
Go out for coffee and cake?
Phone someone and get them to meet you for coffee and give you a hug?
Empty some cupbaords and throw some crap away?

Please please don't do this because your mother has got into your head. Please please limit the damage

I won't she will not do this to me. It would please her too much 'see, I knew you'd never stop drinking' no way will I give her that pleasure.

Thank you (again) I am going to make sure I have a lovely day tomorrow and eat nice food or something.

Cross I even thought like this :(

Forza MrsSippie!

Hugs sippie Its hard when you remember things you would rather forget That happens to me a lot too. and shame and humiliation and self loathing are really uncomfortable emotions.

And watching others drink is hard too sometimes. I saw a photo on Facebook of a friend having a beer on the ski slopes. It made me feel really fucking sad remembering how many wonderful evenings I sent with friend getting sloshed after skiing. I'm sure it wont be the same with diet coke. (That's if I can ever afford to go ski-ing again)

but you are making new memories now an you will look back with pride at how you have raised DS and DD2.

be kind to yourself

Day 6. Stinking cold. But no hangover.
Really disheartened about feeling shit all the time, and dd2 waking early.
But no hangover.

Have a good day all.

Mrssippie how are things today?

MrsSippies how are you? You were amazing yesterday getting through that wibble.

bones I hope you are feeling better and soon your cold is over.

I am going along okay. Yesterday i found hard, but today has been fine. But am still always cold, and had heart palpitations and some panicky feelings around lunchtime. I had a huge glass of lemonade and told myself i would just see how it goes, and then it passed.

I am gardening like a demon though. And am in bed again. Poor DH does not know why I want to be in bed so early- but if I stay up and settle into tv, then i am not sure I will be able to resist the wine. My excuse is that DS has been waking at 5 am-ish most mornings - this morning included.

Hope everyone else is fine.

no greenhouse bones but I am thinking of looking into getting a little one. I spent ages today planting 80 summer bulbs into little pots so they could start to grow as i am not sure where to put them yet.

Thank you. All OK today - been to thorpe park which was wonderful excpwt we got lost on the way there and added about 50 moles to the journey! Also a bit lost on the way back. So all a bit fretful!

Dh drove and of course is relaxing with several cans, oddly, despite being v stressed with the journeys, all I want is hot chocolate and to read my book.

Thank you all for being here yesterday, I really felt so close tonfallong off the edge. Alcohol would not help, of course not, I need to fave these demons and kick them out.

Nochips, TV and bed is good!

Bones - hope you're feeling a bit brighter

Sorcha - yes, cold beer after everything :( it was good, until it wasn't. Hope all is OK with you.

Happy Saturday night all xx

Miles, not moles! Face not fav. Arghhh!!!!

nochips, I went gardening mad when starting out sober. if you cant afford a greenhouse cover your pots with clingfilm.
easy to grow are peas, runner beans,sweet peas, lettuce, tomatoes and of course sunflowers.
grow really fast, ive got all these in trays on various windowsills, kids helped me to plant them, and watching them grow is very therapeutic, particularly sunflowers, I swear they've grown every time I look at them.
hope all had a good day, glad mrs sippie sounding more like her old self.
off to bed, playing jigsaws on my tablet, rock and roll..........

Hi everyone. Sorry, haven't checked in for a few days. Really sorry to hear you've been having such a rough time, MrsS. Can imagine how hideous it must have felt to read those diary entries. My DS once stuck a piece of paper saying 'Mummy drunk' on his wall and every time I saw it I wanted to throw up with shame. Well done on managing to battle through it. You KNOW that drinking will only take you back to that place of shame. That whole thing of trying to 'live in the moment' is brilliant, but hard to do. The past is done - you can't change it - and there is no point agonising about it. Looking back at it honestly, but with compassion (if that doesn't sound like shocking psycho-babble) is perhaps the best way. You have achieved so much and rebuilt your relationship with DCs. Treasure that and look after yourself so you have a bit of a buffer against the bad times. Sounds like loads of us use the same tactic of going to bed ludicrously early. And why not? Best way to check out.

Well done Nochips. Is this Day 3 now? Really hope you are waking up feeling good. I find the mornings particularly gratifying as the memory of what they used to be is so fresh (and long may it remain so - to keep me sober).

School holidays approaching and I am determined to try to plan loads of fun stuff/playdates for my DCs. Really want to try to make the holidays special and wholesome, if that makes sense.

Hi everyone
Checking in just to say how bloody brilliant we're all doing! It's funny how productive we become without the booze! Loads of stuff going on this weekend!
Still sober - list count if days, but think it's three weeks tomorrow - all this despite having the news that DP has to have a kidney removed.....he's v calm about it, I would usually be dealing with it by making my way through a few bottles of red, instead a couple of soda and limes and the dreaded google for light reading!
Thank you all for keeping me motivated
R x

well done rachel for dealing with this without booze.
we do seem more productive off the booze, healthier, happier and without the cloud of continual guilt hanging over us.
its 199 days sober today for me off to take the younger 2 for a kick around on the field, take care all

Hi all! RachaelAgnes, that's tough, but it's great that he is dealing with it well.

14 days sober here today. Wow.

Hello everyone. I saw a link to this thread from another. Could I join? I need to stop drinking but am hitting a brick wall in terms of trying to find support IRL.

welcome aboard, you'll find us all at different stages of recovery . We are here to support and encourage. if you want to stop drinking, you've made the right move x

thank you stayingdry

I am aiming for the wagon from today. I have stopped before but for reasons like pregnancy where I stopped entirely as I have never been able to just have one or two. Never been able to do it just for me IYSWIM.

Not going to drink tonight, have bought Allen Carr, going to go for it

Yes - hi there Tabard and welcome. 'Not going to drink tonight' sounds good. Just focusing on the here and now rather than projecting forward any further makes it SO much more doable, especially at the beginning.

Some of us go to AA too - some not. We are an eclectic bunch, but all with one pretty major thing in common . If you are looking for some RL support you might want to try a meeting; has been a total life-saver for me, to be honest.

I think we all know exactly what you mean when you say you can't have just one or two….. We just aren't made like that, sadly. So no point trying over and over and being surprised when the same shit happens time and time again. Having none is a million times easier than desperately trying to drink 'normally'. I have found it liberating rather than feeling trapped or as if I'm constantly 'denying' myself a pleasure if that makes sense.

Anyway - best of luck with Day 1. We will all be rooting for you!

YY it is far far too scary to think about more than one day.

I have done the odd day off recently although TBH they have been when I have been really really ill. I know how it goes, once I start feeling better again, the guilt and the awfulness and all the reasons not to just vanish.

So tonight should be fine but walking past the offy on the way home from work tomorrow is going to be a test.

Thank you for your posts