I don't remember what happened...

[anighttoforget]

A couple of weeks ago I was in the pub with friends I ended up having a few too many and going home with a man I had met for the first time that evening.
This is not something I make a habit of. My stbxh left me last year and I havent made any efforts to meet anyone else so besides anything else I am out of practice.
This man has been messaging me since and there have been some indication that things may have gone further than I can remember.
I know at my age (35) I shouldn't be getting into these situations, so please don't lecture me on that. What I'm asking is how do I ask this man what happened without making it sound like he's crap in bed? He seems like a really nice, but sensitive man. I don't want to hurt his self esteem!
I am seriously beating myself up over this and can't believe I have put myself in this situation.

It's really important that you know....sexual health etc so I wouldn't beat around the bush to be honest.

A 'nice, sensitive' man shouldn't have done anything if you were so pissed that you can't remember what happened. His self-esteem is not as important as your peace of mind, therefore, and I'd ask him what happened directly.

Do you normally have memory loss after a few drinks, did you drink loads or could your drink have been spiked?

I don't normally drink that much. I accept full responsibility for getting that drunk and no, I don't think my drink was spiked. I drank way more than I normally do and were back at his for hours before anything happened.
I am in no way suggesting that he took advantage. I know that something did happen, I just can't remeber how far things went! I do remember him asking if I wanted to stop, but I don't recall what my reply was or anything after that...

Sorry but I don't think it's right that you can't remember what happened. He would have realised surely. I think it's pretty awful if he went into have sex with you kn that state.

Having said that don't worry about his feelings! Just ask him outright if you had sex. You need to know this information.

Just ask him out straight what exactly happened.

i would also ask him straight out. and i wouldn't see him again.

take care of yourself, anight.

I think it's quite possible to make this kind of mistake without anyone taking advantage deliberately.

I've found as I get older i go from pleasantly inhebriated to embarrassingly drunk with almost no warning

Op you have to remember how you feel now to ensure you are very careful in the future

It seems the guy likes you if he keeps calling. He was probably a little drunk himself if he didn't realise how drunk you were.

I would probably chat to him on the phone a little & get a feel for him.
Do you know anyone who knows him?
Do your friends have any info on him from the evening you met?

You definately need to get checked out to be sure.
I would just tell him that you feel a little embarrassed & its out of character for you.... Does he normally do this.....how does he feel about it etc...some leading questions to fill in your blanks before you have a Confessional.

Hope you feel better soon

Ask him.

He can't be that nice if he had sex with you when you were drunk.

And I wouldn't be worried about denying his self esteem either.

And don't beat yourself up op, it probably felt nice at the time. And by that I mean, the attention on the night.

What UptheAnty said - it is very possible to get merrily drunk with someone, have a lovely evening, and have fun at the end of it... if the alcohol kicks in sometimes things get a bit blurry. It doesn't automatically make him someone that has taken advantage!

I'd just be honest with him OP - turn it into a bit of a joke. He obviously really likes you

Oh shit. I'm just going to have to ask him aren't I?! I don't even remember if we discussed contraception
After so many years with someone I hadn't even thought about that.
I can't believe I'm in this situation. I'm not some irresponsible teenager, I was always so sensible and prepared as a teenager!!