Need handholding please

[Palepowder]

I know my husband is having an affair (too much evidence to mention here but texts and email history). He doesn't deny it. Typically they are colleagues, I know who she is. He wants us to split, says there is no future.

I am absolutely ripped apart.

We have four young children and we don't live in the UK. He travels a lot with work so has ample time for whatever he likes.

The writing is on the wall, the marriage hasn't been going well for months. The affair started last year. Some horrid things have been said by us both. Before I found out about OW I genuinely thought we could work it out (I still do) but he won't consider it. I think he has agreed to counselling but he dragging his feet over committing to it and says he doesn't think it will change anything.

I just feel so alone and desperate. I can't leave and get some headspace because of the kids, he won't leave the house until he gets legal advice and he's dragging his feet over that too. It's complicated because we aren't UK resident.
We are away as a family this week on holiday but this is killing me. I can't eat or sleep and I can't escape at any point. My parents are coming to stay next week (they know what's going on) but I don't even think I get through that far.

How on earth am I ever going to get over this and move on? I am struggling just to function and it's tearing me apart.

[Lavenderhoney]

Pale, have you told your dc you and them are going back?

I think its very good your dd goes to you for comfort. Take pride in that and make it work for the dc. You'll find it will work for you too in the end. Fake it til you make it sounds trite but its not.

Get money sorted now, get transfers now going to the UK into your bank account ( not a joint one) and get some money together. Look into a fixed rate for the gbp over a time period and get him organised with regular hefty payments. This will help if and when you file for divorce.

And please call your parents. If waiting til summer seems too much, leave at Easter. The dc can make new friends at school and have summer play dates.

[Dinnaeknowshitfromclay]

You are doing well Pale. Try and stay positive. One day he will wake up and realise what he has lost as she must be no prize knowing he is married with DCs. You will go through ups and downs, it's normal. You sound like a lovely Mum. Good luck with all your plans.

[louby44]

Have been following your posts and am thinking of you. Stay strong.

[Palepowder]

Thanks for your continued support. It means so much for me. I got some anxiety Meds and stronger sleeping pills so I feel a little bit more together. We have not told the kids yet - my husband has not discussed it with me yet and him being away for a 10 day period is not unusual as he travels a lot for work. It will be easier for me and the kids to leave in the summer as there is always a huge number of families who leave the school at the same time ( international school). It will feel more normal and less traumatic.

I am formulating plans to return to the UK for good but that won't be until the academic year ends here. I have even begun to change my ideas about where I want to go back to. I have however booked a 10 day holiday back to England at Easter with the kids to have a bit of fun there with mum and my sisters family. They will enjoy that and it will help ease them back into feeling happy about moving back.
Roller coaster of emotions going on. Seeing the doctor again this afternoon to get antidepressants.
I'm seeing my husband tomorrow ( if he turns up) for couples counselling but strongly suspect it will be him just telling me the decision he's made and not giving any reasons. As far as I know he has only spoken OW about this - and I bet she's saying everything he wants to hear