I'm in love with an alcoholic

[Starsrbrite41]

I've been seeing this fella since end of July 2013
Met on a drunken nite I was more drunk than him had kiss n cuddle at my mates week later he's asks for my number texts me and ask me would I like to go for a drink I go. Have good time yes go back to his yes have sex
I seen him ever week 4 times or less depending on his work and mine says from third fourth date he doesn't do girlfriends which at time seems cool to me until I become hooked omg he always 99 % of time texts me which is fine but when I text him most of time he don't answer or drunk or sleeping or busy or whatever
I feel with dime if the comments he has made he never got over his ex he text me 1 nite said something which I thought was inappropriate I said to him it was then I said hope u get back with ur ex all the best
My mate just said to me tonite that 3 weeks ago he ask for a girls number
I been with him Friday nite 14 and the Friday nite before he text me the week before that but I didn't go and see him he told me in Friday nite that he loved me so much
Can some please advice me thanks

I don't like the buzz just an ordinary girl trying to be happy don't like bring centre of attention or anyone I'm being with like to be one if the crowd don't like to stick out

I don't like being the centre of attention either Star.
It's only looking back at the madness of my relationship through the counselling that I can see that there is a buzz in our types of dysfunctional relationships: I am embarrassed to think of the crap I put up with just to keep my family together.

I realised how far I've come on today because I found out today that he was cheating at the end of our marriage. My conversation with him (after letting I know that I knew about it was to make sure he will still sign over his share of our house to me next month. In the old days I would have wailed and caused merry hell

Posting on MN was the first step to making sense of my mad world and finding a sane way out. keep posting and some very wise MNetters will guide you through this

Thank you so much to all of you
I just find it difficult, yes he has hurt me now and before he's is giving me very mixed reading telling me he lives me do much I just don't know what to make of it and I'm finding that hard to deal with he's the one that's all texts me which I find to " me" he's in control I don't like that

I finding it difficult to deal with this situation and yes it's wearing me out.
It's on my mind all the time I just wonder does anyone have any advice on how I can make myself stronger to cope and deal with it
Thanks

I wanted to know can anyone advise me on how to break the cycle where I sit in and wait for him to text me and sometimes he doesn't when he does I go running ever time

Get out and live, change your number, you REALLY don't need that in your life, believe me. I speak as a single parent with very recant experience. Move on.

it is not possible to have a relationship with an alcoholic - his relationship is with the bottle and when he opens his mouth lies will come out.
trust me, I know from experience.

I do try but I don't know what it is with me just won't let go I know in my heart that he only texts when no one else is available to go with.
I just feel very weak and I feel I'm letting him control me and my life

Yes in the morning he's different from the nite before don't get me wrong does the odd thing for me like gets out if his bed and goes to shop to buy me bfast that's about all he does

so are you happy being used for sex by a drunkard? sorry if that seems harsh but it sounds like the truth.

No I'm not and I know he's using me for sex said to me he doesn't need sex I just don't how to say no to him feel pathetic when's it's comes to him

Stars i don't mean to be unkind but I agree with those suggesting that it is the drama of this relationship that is most appealing. You have not been together very long and you knew pretty early in the issues that were there, which means you could have gotten out but you chose not to. You have a very good plan about getting counselling to explain to you why you have behaved in this destructive manner. Do not bring this man into your children's lives and please remember that your emotions, which are all over the place because of this situation, affect your children too.

From what you have detailed about being able to provide a good home for your children and also showing them the value of working in a good job you sound like a fantastic person and parent to me. You should not have self esteem this low, you need to evaluate why you do which will come with the counselling. Best of luck and please try to cut this waste of space lose.

dump him, please!

you are worth more than that!

Stars the more I'm reading, the more it's becoming obvious that your self esteem is on the floor.
Please please get yourself away from this man - if you feel bad now, you will feel way worse in 6 months.
He's emotionally abusive as well as alcoholic and that is a very dangerous combination for someone with poor self worth to be dealing with.
Do you really value yourself so little that you'll let him pull your chain like this?

Thanks I do have low self esteem and don't think enough of myself

I told him in the new year I was fed up with being used said to him all the best I left at that
Then 2 weeks later he got in contact with me said did I want to talk I said ok when I got there no talking was done but that's my fault

Hope I didn't come across as harsh there Stars.
I've been with an emotionally abusive man and it's taken a lot of time and therapy to start rebuilding my self esteem.
My friends tried to warn me, and like you I was under his 'spell'.
Now I'm out of it I can see exactly what he was.

How do I start to make myself feel better within me

Yes I do feel under his spell that upsets me because I know in my heart it is wrong so emotionally weak

Do u think he can tell by me I have low self esteem

Well the fact that you say 'how high?' when he says jump may be a giveaway! ;-)
Men like him seem to have a talent for sniffing it out unfortunately. Like a poster above said, nice people, kind people can tend to have low self worth. Someone with higher self esteem wouldn't bother their arse with him in the first place as they'd see him for what he is.

That sounds as if I'm putting down nice, kind people - I'm not!! I hope I am one myself

So he can tell that I have low self esteem ok
Can I just say when I know I'm looking really pretty he has never ever once said to me I look nice would never say I had my hair done I'm not like that if someone or he us looking good or had a haircut I say

You cant change how you feel. But you can change how you react to this user.
Don't jump to his call; start looking for a better squeeze who will give a bit more of what you want.
Get out there. You are worth more than this.

Ok thank u