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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

One sided relationship - how do it to change?

18 replies

OneWayStreetToNoWhere · 13/02/2014 22:45

How do you get a one sided relationship to improve and when do you decide that enough is enough and you have to walk away? Feel like I am the one doing all the giving in the relationship and receiving very little in return. I don't expect a lot but it would be nice if he made some effort, I do things for him because I like to and to help him out. Don't feel like I am asking for a lot, every time I speak to him about it though he just nods or says that he doesn't think he can change. I am being to needy?

OP posts:

Original poster

OneWayStreetToNoWhere · 13/02/2014 22:47

Messed up my title, sorry

OP posts:

CailinDana · 13/02/2014 23:00

You need to be more specific I think. What exactly do you want from him?

Offred · 13/02/2014 23:01

Dump and move on. You have a problem where you feel taken advantage of and he has basically told you he has no intention to make the relationship more equal. Therefore it cannot improve.

Mellowandfruitful · 13/02/2014 23:05

Nodding, or saying that he doesn't think he can change, is not very promising. So he either doesn't care that much, or is confident that he can get away with giving little and maintaining the relationship. That either means you may as well move on, or you may as well tell him you want to end things as it will take a shock of that magnitude to make a difference, if anything will.

How long have you been in the relationship? Do you live together?

Original poster

OneWayStreetToNoWhere · 13/02/2014 23:06

I've help him out a lot with some problems that he's had recently and his family have been very quick to point fingers at me and say things about me when they have done very little to actually help him, I wish that he was more supportive and would stand up for me. I have made effort recently with this and also it was his birthday recently and I planned stuff for him etc as a surprise but he never seems to do anything back. He didn't even get me a Christmas present this year.

OP posts:

Original poster

OneWayStreetToNoWhere · 13/02/2014 23:07

We live together, only been together a year and a half which is worrying that it is like this already.

OP posts:

foolonthehill · 13/02/2014 23:14

Move on..

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
? Maya Angelou

"when someone nods and says he won't change, believe him"

fool xx

sorry

Mellowandfruitful · 13/02/2014 23:49

OK, the letting his family have a go at you, and the not getting you a Christmas present - both of those are big letdowns. I would be seriously rethinking on that basis. It's not the materialistic side of present receiving that's a problem, it's that it indicates you are not worth the effort to him.

Is the house owned or rented and in whose name?

MistressDeeCee · 14/02/2014 02:31

Men with over-involved family = No

Men with lazy, self-centred cant be bothered attitude = an even bigger No

MistressDeeCee · 14/02/2014 02:33

You get no thanks for doing the Florence Nightingale act with men either

MsAspreyDiamonds · 14/02/2014 03:05

You deserve so much better & if you stay your conference will reduce to zero. Think of all the potentially fantastic reationships that you are denying yourself by staying with this user.

Pack your bags, go travelling and feel alive and I bet that you wont want to be with him anymore once you taste life and freedom.

whitsernam · 14/02/2014 03:11

In my experience, when a man says they don't think they can change, they like themselves the way they are and really do not want to change. Believe him! You sound lovely; he does not. You get to decide, but I could not live with someone like this. What do you get out of the relationship?

theplanets · 14/02/2014 03:19

Are there things he does or says which ARE good for you and make you happy?

Lweji · 14/02/2014 04:55

As pointed out before, he has already told you he won't change, so stop hoping.
What will you do?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 14/02/2014 06:15

On my hit list of people that make lousy partners 'liars' get top billing but 'selfish' is right up there as well. This person sounds very happy to let you do everything and give nothing back. Very selfish and exploitative. Don't waste any more time or emotion on him.

Jan45 · 14/02/2014 11:47

Lazy isn't good, he sounds like my now ex, too lazy to listen to your needs, wants, plans for the future etc....it won't get better, you'd be best to cut your losses esp as you haven't even been together that long.

Isetan · 15/02/2014 14:59

You can't stop him from being an arse but you can limit your exposure to it, which begs the question, why haven't you?

There is a reason why yiou are still in this one sided relationship and only you, not your dick of a partner can answer that one.

Origamiboat · 15/02/2014 19:55

It's quite a new relationship.' Goodbye' may be the answer. He'll only get worse.

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