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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Crapping myself here :-(

14 replies

HairExtensions · 12/02/2014 22:15

Ex turned up at my house just before 8pm, he was on leave from hospital (Section 3 Mental Health Act) and has travelled 230 miles by train. I opened the door, got the fright of my life, shut and locked door and ran upstairs as he banged and shouted through the door.

I phoned hospital who confirmed that he was supposed to be there, they said they would be contacting the police and advised me to do the same if I was afraid. Police have come out and are taking him to the local hospital. Don't think they know quite what to do with him.

I'm crapping myself because if he isn't detained in hospital he will come straight back here. He's told police that he won't return home (to his home town)

OP posts:
Original poster
HairExtensions · 12/02/2014 22:16

Previous thread here

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1992632-Very-unwelcome-Valentine

OP posts:
RandomMess · 12/02/2014 22:17
Sad

Every time he turns up call the police!

Original poster
HairExtensions · 12/02/2014 22:22

The police said if he comes back I've to 999 straight away but as he hasn't done anything criminal they can't do anything Sad doesn't stop me having the crap scared out me though.

OP posts:
hashtagwhatever · 12/02/2014 22:41

Do you have someone that could come and stay with you?

VelmaD · 12/02/2014 22:46

Long term can you log some kind of restraining order/contact order so he is breaking the law by doing this?

Short term, any local friends or family? Are the kids ok?

Original poster
HairExtensions · 12/02/2014 23:05

The children are ok, I had just put them to bed when he arrived, after I phoned the police I gave them their tablets with headphones and said they could listen to music as a treat, school holidays here and school starts back tomorrow but usual routine all messed up so they weren't a bit tired. DD saw the police before they left and I said it was because of foxes (!!! first thing that popped into my head!) and the Police Officer backed me up with that. They're asleep now.

I have family but no-one can come and stay tonight and it's wild outside so I didn't want to get the DC ready and leave. They definitely wouldn't believe I was taking them somewhere else for the night because of foxes. I don't want to scare them Sad

I don't know about a restraining order, I know the law is different here (Scotland) regarding this kind of thing.

I asked the police if they could let me know if ex isn't kept in hospital but I don't know if they will or not, esp if it's late when it gets sorted out. I don't know whether to keep the DC home tomorrow or not, he has gone into the school before.

OP posts:
Joules68 · 12/02/2014 23:10

What's he done at school and how did they deal with it?

Original poster
HairExtensions · 12/02/2014 23:44

It was a couple of years ago (2011 I think) he had phoned me with threats of driving up here to do things to me, kick my door, take the,children etc. I contacted the police and they advised me to leave and go to a relatives with the children.

Ex did drive up and when he couldn't get an answer at my house he went to the Travel Lodge or Inn and next day he went into the school. As far as I know he was ranting a bit at the Head and Deputy, making allegations against my mum, stepdad, uncle, dad everybody really and as far as I know they just heard him out then he left. I had kept the children off (again advised by police) and because it was logged as a Domestic, it was referred to Social Services and they had contacted the school and nursery.

OP posts:
Original poster
HairExtensions · 12/02/2014 23:46

He has contacted the school since then with various "concerns" however its always been by phone as he hasn't physically been here very often in the past 12-18 months.

OP posts:
hashtagwhatever · 13/02/2014 13:49

Hope you are ok?.
were you informed of what would be done next, weather ex would be allowed home or kept in hospital.

Hissy · 13/02/2014 14:24

Have the Police taken him?

thinking of you, you must be terrified

Original poster
HairExtensions · 13/02/2014 14:47

Thanks Thank you.

The police took him to the local hospital and he's being kept in for now - an emergency Section I think?

Was a faff about this morning as I phoned the hospital he was supposed to be in but they refused to tell me anything, I just wanted to know if I could safely send my DC to school or not. Anyway I phoned the police on 101 and they told me he had been admitted and would be there for at least 24 hours and that the police who dealt with it would contact me when they came back on shift (nightshift)

I went into school and spoke to Deputy Head so they are aware of the situation.

I've since spoken to Ex Support Worker who has told me that he will be kept in hospital for the next few days ay least. He has asked them to let me know if he's discharged before that for any reason.

I didn't sleep a wink last night as I just didn't know if he'd be let back out or not. I was jumping at every sound.

The police told me last night ex has packed his bags and brought them with him, and saying he won't go back home so I'll just have to wait and see if he changes his mind. I don't know if I can cope with him in the same town. I was just starting to relax and build a life for the DC and I safe in the knowledge that he was a couple hundred miles away.

OP posts:
Dahlen · 13/02/2014 15:33

I'd ask to speak to the domestic violence unit of your local constabulary. They may be able to help install a panic alarm at your house and advise you on ways to keep you safe. You could consider an injunction, etc.

In the meantime, the police may be able to remove him from the doorstep of your home under breach of the peace. It's defined as: "‘an act done or threatened to be done which either actually harms a person, or in his presence, his property, or is likely to cause such harm being done". The key phrase for you here is "is likely to cause such harm being done" - past experience and your X's MH issues in conjunction with the fact that it is unreasonable and inappropriate for him to turn up at your house at all hours, would make you pass the threshold IMO. That means that the police could threaten him with arrest if he doesn't leave the area even if he doesn't actually do anything criminal (breach of the peace is not in itself a criminal offence).

Also worth bearing in mind is that once your X has been removed by police once and told quite clearly to stop harassing you, anything further would fall under Stalking and harassment laws, so there's an offence there he can be charged with as well.

But in the first instance, I would contact your local DV unit. A quick call to 101 will give you the number.

Good luck.

Original poster
HairExtensions · 13/02/2014 18:58

Dahlen thank you.

That's all very helpful info. Does this apply in Scotland as well? The police are supposed to phone me tonight (if I stay awake long enough to take the call!) so I'm going to write all that down and ask them.

I've had further contact to say that the hospital here have told ex that they are transporting him back to his own locality. Ex has apparently refused and contacted solicitor who has told him they can't legally (lawfully?) send him back against his will. He has said he did this deliberately whilst under Section so that he would then be Sectioned here and that's why after he caused the initial disturbance he went outside of my garden and sat on the wall waiting for the police to arrive Hmm

He has asked that I take the children to visit him at the hospital before he is transferred.

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