Having a argument with my ex...

[theeverydaydancer]

I asked him to just use the doorbell rather than standing at my living room window banging at it to get my attention. He made me jump out of my skin and I also just felt uncomfortable him doing it, it felt intrusive to me. We don't get on, and haven't since I found out I was pregnant (DD is 2 and a half).

I got to the door and said to him as politely as possible that I would appreciate it if he didn't do that, I didn't like it. He rolled his eyes and didn'nt respond (he was there to pick up DD btw)

Anyhow, this has been after a long series of incidents where he has totally ignored me. I will say something and he will totally ignore me, often even start talking over me. I find it so rude and disrespectful. So tonight was the straw that broke the camels back. DD's been ill all week. I'm really tired. Couldn't cope with sulky attitude.

He responded to this by saying I'm being ridiculous, nobody would have a problem with someone standing at their living room window, banging on the window, that I'm impossible to deal with.

I find it so frustrating. I was only expressing an opinion - and I feel that as it is my house I have a right to say if I don't like something like standing at my front window. I had basically been in the living room attending my daughter when I suddenly became aware of this figure at the window, and it scared the life out of me. It was quite unpleasant. It feels like he gets so defensive and doesn't want to respect my boundaries etc. He is making out I'm being weird and unreasonable. I think he is just being mean.

What do others on MN think. How do I deal with this situation?

Yes you have the right to respect but you can't force him to give it to you. Why do you keep rising to it is what I would ask you? Just let go. He wants a reaction and he's getting one.

Close you curtains when he due to visit so he can't see if you sitting in your front room. Or arrange to meet him away from your house.

I would ignore any window knocking. Only answer when he comes to the door

Maybe that's childish but...

Don't answer until he knocks on the door. Not that you should have to play silly games but if he will insist...

Ignore him til he rings the bell/knocks on the door.

Most of his other behaviours I can ignore, but I find it intrusive and it makes me feel paranoid and hounded if he is outside my window, so that's why I feel like I can't ignore him. He comes to pick her up early evening, I just feel out of principle that I don't want to have to close my curtains, that would feel more like he is winning.

I have a feeling that he won't do this again. The issue is not so much the window thing, its that if he does something that I find irritating and I tell him, he gets very defensive, doesn't see it from my point of view, goes off on one. I would like to be able to tell him my opinions, set boundaries etc without it always descending into an argument.

Call the police and report à strange man looking in your window!

Tell him that he can stand outside banging the window for as long as he wants, but when he wants you to answer the door, all he needs to do is rind the bell/knock the door.

His behaviour is that is a petulant child. And you are right, he is overstepping your boundaries if you clearly told him it scares you. You can deal with it either by ignoring it and learning to put up with it, or you put down a consequence e.g. if he ignores you you will find an alternative place for him to pick up your child, i.e. not at your home. Or you ignore all banging as porto said, and clearly tell him that is what you will do. Your decision is whether you feel it is important enough, and sometime little things make a big emotional difference.

I wouldn't open the door until he actually goes to the door and rings the bell or knocks. And yes, when he is expected, either close the curtains or plan to be somewhere else in the house. Then if he bangs on the window, ignore. If he continues and refuses to go to the door, ring the police. What's he going to tell the police? That he prefers to bang on the window instead of knocking on the door like normal people? The police are not stupid, they see this kind of thing a lot. He'll look like the idiot that he is.

Op this really is a non issue tbh. When my doorbell broke everyone used to bang on my living room window and when i got it fixed they still did it even though it was clearly a new one and you know what i didn't care. Pick your battles op, i know your tired and probably moody but its just so not worth getting your knickers in a twist over and i know extreme tiredness because one of my children is autistic and hardly sleeps.....which explains why i am so moody all the time

It sounds like he is trying to exert his control over you. By reacting, he will continue as he knows it gets a rise out of you.
Deep breath then ignore. He will move onto something else, but please try not to bite.