Should you tell a new partner everything about your past? (warning mentions abortion)

[kentishgirl]

Just a question out of interest (I have no big secrets :-) )

I've just read a thread where someone's husband was told his wife had had an abortion when she was 16 (before she met him). He was upset she kept it 'secret' from him. she just thought it wasn't relevant.

Someone else commented "I can understand why your DH was upset - in his position I would be too, it's a huge thing not to tell someone."

I'm just mulling over this idea that a new OH needs total disclosure. I had an abortion around 12 years ago and it's never occurred to me to tell my newish OH. I'm not ashamed of it, I'm not proud of it, it's not a source of anguish to me. I agree with the OP that it's not relevant, so not going to. Unless somehow it crops up in conversation - can't imagine how - then I wouldn't lie about having had one.Is there really any reason you should speak up on this?

How much do you all think you need to tell an OH about things in your past, if it doesn't effect you or them or your relationship? What else do you think really must, or shouldn't be discussed with an OH?

Jacksterbear yes you are right that they ask you, but you have a right to confidentiality and so it is not included in your notes unless you are happy for it to be. I had an abortion 16 years ago when I was very young. I'm now expecting my first with my partner and although he knows, my parents don't so I didn't want it on my notes. Midwife completely understood and on my notes it is just a little star (so that medical professionals can see there is more info if they need to go digging).

I'm not sure why I told my partner. We've been together over 10 years but I have never felt like he had a right to know. If my ex chooses to tell his wife (I am still friends with him and know he is married) then that's up to him, but again I don't feel like she has a right to know and would have no place getting upset about it IMO