random person in my home

[fivliv]

This will probably sound hugely trivial but I am feeling horrible. My eldest DSS (22) has just crept downstairs with some random girl and let her out after bringing her home after a night out. I have a DSS (16) who is very young and not at all street wise and a DD 10 who is just a wee girl. We have always had the rules that noone is brought home here due to the home being a family home with children. My DSS is a lovely lad and I adore him but am really pissed off with him. He tried to avoid me asking what was going on and then admitted it and apologised. (not very sincerely) and has gone back to bed. I am now waiting for the girls to start asking questions. DH is at work until late afternoon and I dont know what to say to them or to DSS once he is up and about. I feel yuk knowing we were sleeping and some random person was in the house. I know this is over the top but I have chronic pain and related anxiety issues and the home is my haven really. I am now wondering if because of this I am over reacting and being ridiculous or if I am reasonable to feel so "invaded" and disrespected? He had a long spell of coming home drunk and cooking then falling asleep and us regularly being woken to the smoke alarm going off as food being grilled started to incinerate. So as not to drip feed I also have a DSS (20) who no longer lives with us as he regularly broke house rules and woke us all up coming in, being aggressive etc.
I should add I am not being prudish about the fact he has a sex life, just that I feel the family home is not the place for ONS
Thanks for reading and please put me right if you think I am being silly

[NotGoodNotBad]

I don't think whether or not he pays you rent is of any relevance - it's your house, your rules. If he doesn't like the rules, it's time for him to move on. A family home is not a democracy, it's run by the parent(s).

When I was younger, I wasn't allowed to have my fiance (who was sharing a flat with me) sleep in the same room as me when we visited my mum's house. Did I think it was a ridiculous rule? Yes. Was it up to her to decide what went on in her house? Yes.

[livingzuid]

I was considering that OP has anxiety issues and I completely sympathise with you about having your safe haven invaded simply because a grown man should know better than to make it worse by bringing a random home. He's not a child any more and should be more respectful of the impact this can have on others.

I lose it if I hear loud music or voices in the street, and the thought of some stranger in my house would probably make me ill so I really get the wish to preseve your sanctuary.

He's old enough to move out if he wants to behave like that. Rents might be expensive, but how long are you going to have him at home otherwise if he doesn't go soon?

Your house your rules. If he doesn't like it he can leave. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all particularly given your anxiety problems. Some of these posts have me

How did dh tackle it btw? Curious to know now! Good luck :)

[MaryWestmacott]

I agree with LaQueen actually, this isn't about slut shaming, it's about bringing a stranger in to your home, going to sleep and leaving them to have unsupervised access to the house. This would be equally unacceptable if he didn't shag her. This would be unaccepable if it was a random person he got chatting too and offered a bed for the night.

One thing taking risks like that in your own home, but unacceptable in the family home, where children are sleeping, where the bulk of the valuable items that could go missing or be broken aren't your property.

I hope your DH has read the riot act.

[fivliv]

I feel really uncomfortable at the road this thread has taken. I feel words are being put in my mouth. I have NO issues with the girl he brought home. She doesn't live here, I dont know her and she hasnt done anything wrong. She is under no obligation to abide by the very few rules we have in the home At no point have I even suggested she is a slut. I DON'T think she is a slut. She is someone I don;t know! A stranger. I dont care who she sleeps with and frankly I dont choose to judge anyone a Slut. My issue is with my DSS - having a casual shag in the family home with someone who is a stranger to me, someone I didnt know was here when I got up this morning, while my two daughters (one aged 10) were kicking about (also unaware there was a stranger in the house) in their jammies. Two daughters who I am trying to bring up to believe that sex is totally natural and normal. This is currently being framed within a loving, respectful relationship scenario. HOWEVER as a PP said once they are mature enough to understand all the risks and necessary protection needed for safe sex then it will be up to them as adults to decide when and how they want to have sex and who with.
My DSS is not a man whore either. He is old enough to decide who he has sex with and when. However..I dont want him bringing a stranger into the home ...which he knows! He made an arse of that last night. I doesnt make him a whore or the girl he brought back a slut. Just someone who didnt follow one of the very few rules we have in our home.
I dont infantalise him by leaving a bowl of pasta for him to eat when he comes home pissed. I choose to do this so that he doesnt cook when he is half cut, fall asleep and burn the fucking house down.
I do get anxious over daft things and as I was on my own and unable to chat it over with DH when I posted I wanted to get a few opinions to see if I was being stupid or if others felt I was right to feel annoyed with HIM and feel abit shit about there being someone here that I didnt know. I really appreciated the responses and felt calmer.
DH had dealt with it. He was pissed off about it. But has spoken to him and made it clear it is not to happen again..or its time to get a flat. DSS was to his credit apologetic and is suffering the hang over from hell.
Thanks again to those that gave measured responses from ALL points of view