Does anyone else finds people staying over at their house extremely draining?

[nerofiend]

We got a new house in 2012 and since then we've had a string of visitors nearly non stop.

In theory, I like the idea of inviting people over and opening my house to family and friends. But I have to say that I'm finding the reality of it extremely infuriating and draining, to the point, that I'm nearly left with the feeling that I don't want this people in my house anymore.

It all starts really well but after a couple of days, I've had enough. The last friend I had over stayed for two weeks, and said so many irritating things every day, I don't want to hear from her again.

The same happens with DH's family. I have to add that we haven't stayed in these people's houses once so far.

I'm so upset, but also disappointed in myself for not being more easy going about it. I don't want to become a hermit.

A weekend is (usually) lovely. Any more is beyond knackering!!

Absolutely dreadful, OP. You need to ship these people out after two nights maximum I reckon.

One of my brothers lives in the Far East, so when he comes back for Christmas they stay in a large house somewhere and invite everyone to come and see them. But they both have enormous blended families so the whole thing works like a military operation. No-one stays more than one night. Everyone is assigned a night and there are no negotiations. You are expected to bring stuff for at least one meal (you don't get to pick which one) and your own bedding and towels. You will then cook this meal as well (normally for about 20 people ... I get let off with something like salads to do because I live about 200 miles away from wherever they stay). You will leave at the prescribed time because normally the next visitors are pulling up as you pull out :)

There is simply no other way to make the situation survivable, and even then they find it exhausting. But it does mean they get to see everyone and no-one has to try and guess what the house rules are. This is a rather extreme example but you need to set some limits, OP.

I like to see people but much prefer to do so based from a hotel. It's just more relaxing.

We have a bigish house in a lovely touristy area. When we first moved in we had loads of visitors (although never for 2 weeks ) but they have dwindled over the years and people never come for more than 3 nights. I think maybe I have become less and less welcoming. OP I think you need to dial down your enthusiastic welcoming!! We very rarely stay with anyone either (mostly because they generally don't have the space we do) but I do find that those few who still visit are those few who we visit in return so it is all more balanced.

I'm with all of you. Guests for two weeks is really taking the mickey. They obviously just want a free holiday. I think it's all to do with your relationship with people. We stayed overnight with friends and it was really relaxed. I wouldn't mind them coming here for a night occasionally. But they are nice and wouldn't take advantage.

The trouble with relatives is there is all this obligation and you might not like them much. Especially if there is one-upmanship and competition over wonderfulness of house and standard of cooking. Yawn!! I am not interested and am lucky enough not to have to do it. If I ever had to do Christmas or any other family gathering, I would tell people what they were bringing and make it clear they had to help with everything. Being a slave in the kitchen is not my idea of fun. If you want to see people and talk to them you are better off going to the pub!!!

Two weeks
I find entertaining/socialising draining even on a small scale like christmas, let alone people staying that long.

We have had some lovely guests who've stayed for a night or two - generally friends passing through on a work trip etc. They bring wine, have dinner, make a fuss of the DC then bugger off to their conference. It is a great way to catch up with people we rarely see and I do enjoy that.

Family is a different matter entirely. I used to endure a week or more, but it drove me so insane I have cut it down and down and now it's 2 nights max. Draining doesn't even begin to cover it. I could hardly bear to be in the same room as my mother or sister after a few days. They are both incredibly self-centred, easily offended so you have to tread on eggshells, and picky about food. I'm not talking genuine intolerances or vegetarianism, but fads that change from one visit to the next

We also have friends who stayed for a week once and that was bloody hard work. They had a very different idea of timekeeping from us so whenever we would make a plan to go somewhere / have a meal / whatever they would lag 2 or 3 hours behind.

I have had so many threads and so many posts on threads over the years complaining about this.

We also live in a holiday area, and feel people use us for a free holiday. I have had people stay for two weeks and more. With one of DH's frienmds, he rings us twice a year. Once at the start of July as a courtesy, then about a week later asking if they can stay for the summer. You cans et your clock by it.

I will work myself up to a rage if I go on, so I will not. But, this year we have actually said that we will NOT be moving the dcS form their rooms into ours for guests, and the only guest bedroom left is going to have the bed dumped and be converted into a sitting room. It has taken me 10 years to convince DH this is the way forward but last year was partic bad and he ended up suggesting it himself....

(and no, there has NEVER been a reciprocal invitation- not even to the friend who stays with us a good 3 weeks total over the course of the year to his family's Manor house in Scotland. I said to DH once 'what is [friend's] house like? he said 'I have no idea'. We have wined and bleeding dined that friend for possibly 6 months total of my years spent with DH, and he did it for twenty years before he even met me.

Blood pressure rising.

And don't get me started on the fact that last year he (friend) left behind a little list for me advising me how to get my fucking garden in order.

[and breathe]

sorry, what was the question?

My children and their spouses, the grandkids - wonderful. Has never been more than for a weekend. Others ... NOOOOO, learned my lesson. When I first moved back to the UK, bought a house pretty well in central London, suddenly all these old 'friends' came out of the woodwork, trying to invite themselves. Best/worst cheek the couple I'd not seen for 25 years, were only acquaintances anyway, not friends - got my tel. no. and tried to invite themselves up for a holiday, to 'see the sights of London'.

I did weaken for a Swiss friend, except this was in the days of Dial Up internet, and I had only the one phone ... she started spending hours on my phone, ringing her friends not just in Switzerland, but France, Germany, Turkey ... important calls? No, just to tell them what she'd been doing that day, shoes, clothes she'd bought etc. etc. My phone bill at the end of her visit was well into three figures!

I still see her but she doesn't stay.

I'm back again; we lived in a 'holiday' area of Ireland growing up but my parents used to invite English friends to 'use our house as a base' which even to my childish ears sounded like asking them to take the piss so we'd get turfed out of our bedrooms, have to keep the house immaculate, put up with early and late comings and goings and barely actually see our visitors

The older I get, the more I dislike it. Plus as time goes on, families become larger and it's pretty impractical. Have managed to get MIL down to 3 nights, and we try to avoid inviting others anymore. When we first moved here, we had loads of people to stay for about 2 years (also a tourist destination) and it was exhausting. But fun; friends generally just had one little one, as did we. But we just found it more and more hard work as time went on. But we don't see old friends very much now, which is a shame.

I don't mind my mum and dad staying - they're really laid back and I don't have to worry about what I look like, etc. plus they'll babysit.

This is timely as in the next hour we have a depressed friend arriving from overseas, staying until Weds! He's so laid back though, and I hope we can help him.

Also, I realised that it's completely normal to not want to share your home in that way.

Just read my post - to clarify, our friends didn't stay for 2 years!! Over a period of two years we had lots of people visiting- I am sure you got it.

Goodness slightly, why don't you just say no??

We have a one night only rule in our house, and stick to it.

I'm afraid I'm the complete opposite and have had guests staying for coming up for 2 years now - but I work them like slaves!! No-one ever gets a free ride in my house, and if they are hard work they never get invited back. I don't hesitate to hand people the drying up cloth and the rubber gloves. I'm not shy about suggesting they go shopping or take us out either. Its the only way to not finish resenting them.

Visitors should be treated like fresh fish: keep them happily for 3 days then get rid!

Just found out that my DH's sister wanted to come over the half term with husband and children. So relieved to hear my DH said no without even asking me.
Last time she stayed it was dreadful too. I had to do meals, clean, and tidy up while they watched day time tv.

Blood pressure rising here too.

They're staying somewhere else this time. I think DH and I are learning the big price we're paying for having a bigger place. The bigger mortgage doesn't even begin compare.

MIL comes to stay. She is not interested in the DC, but will follow me around

One visit she was driving me crazy and she went to the loo, so I took the opportunity to 'disappear' and sort out some laundry. She bloody found me in the laundry room and continued to chatter on, asking me a hundred questions whilst I was sorting out my underwear!

DPs friend lives overseas and stays for weeks. He spends his time talking about/watching and playing golf [scream emoticon]

Why don't I just say no? Because I have not wotsits, Cakes.

actually, because the visits pre-dated me I thought for a while it was DH's prerogative to have anyone he liked to stay, whenever. But the relentless pisstaking plus the fact we have small Dcs just means my tolerance is way down. I am liking the idea of having a 3 night only rule- that would be several times better.

I have also practiced over winter (no-one visits in winter ) saying 'Oh, great to see you, the money will come in handy.... what/ Oh I thought since you treat us like a B&B....' I don't have the ability in real life to say that though, no matter how much fun I have had role-playing it.

that was 'I have no wotsits; :)

Does anyone actually like having guests stay for more than a day or 2? When I lived in Cornwall, this was a very regular topic of conversation at work. We all had people descend on us at regular intervals for a free holiday. Nothing worse than having holiday makers live with you whilst you carry on with your normal life.

God all the little things that annoy me; I become so petty. Such a relief to hear that everyone feels the same way. I would never take the piss like some of our guests did when we lived in Cornwall.

Sometimes I do, it depends who they are.

I bloody hate it too.
My dh and marriage are pretty perfect but unfortunately his dps live too far away for a day trip so always have to stay.

I've not even had dd christened because I can't bear them and the other in laws assuming they can all stay on the Saturday while I'm trying to do food and stuff then all hogging the bathroom when I want to get ready to be I. Church for 10.

I don't mind them staying but they just assume.

I do like my own space and don't like staying at people's houses either

now imagine they come every other weekend...

I always had DPs to stay about 3 times a year for 7-10 days each time. It was like a military manouvre working out a 'holiday schedule' to suit DM. DF was so easy going he just needed a break from her constant nagging!

I have seen operas I never wanted to sit through; ballets that have left me cold! I took them to National Trust venues and DM would be delighted with some and complain about a 'wasted day' when they weren't up to her expectations. (DH and DF would just lag behind and chat to each other in an easy companionship - and fall asleep in the theaters!)

DBs would arrive on a coach and tell me that they were at the station - could I pick them up. They would move in for 1-3 months.

Since DH died, I no longer do any of that and am glad. I didn't realise how stressed my life was whilst I was doing it.

I do go to see DM (DF died just before DH) and I book a cottage 14 miles away. I couldn't live under the same roof as DM if you paid me to!

I do have a friend who I stay with regularly - or she comes to my home. I hope I am a good house guest. I think I am.