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Original poster

Does anyone else finds people staying over at their house extremely draining?

98 replies

nerofiend · 07/02/2014 20:06

We got a new house in 2012 and since then we've had a string of visitors nearly non stop.

In theory, I like the idea of inviting people over and opening my house to family and friends. But I have to say that I'm finding the reality of it extremely infuriating and draining, to the point, that I'm nearly left with the feeling that I don't want this people in my house anymore.

It all starts really well but after a couple of days, I've had enough. The last friend I had over stayed for two weeks, and said so many irritating things every day, I don't want to hear from her again.

The same happens with DH's family. I have to add that we haven't stayed in these people's houses once so far.

I'm so upset, but also disappointed in myself for not being more easy going about it. I don't want to become a hermit.

OP posts:
Catsmamma · 07/02/2014 20:47

i don't even like being alone with dh for more than about three days.

his parents visit for a week to ten days ...I tke up all sorts of odd habits, like walking the dogs in the rain when realy they hate it. Or at night...they do not like teh dark either.

Going to bed verrrrrrrrrrrrrry early. Nipping to tesco...I never do that and either make do or send someone else.

He has to amuse them, I will cook but I do go a bit bonkers and do my complete best to mess with their routines just for my own weird satisfaction :D :D

Onesliceortwo · 07/02/2014 20:52

Yes Yes Yes! I have just had 6 weeks of it! Had a crash section before Christmas and was a mess - physically and mentally. Several people came to 'help' FOR WEEKS AT A TIME - nuff said!

cafesociety · 07/02/2014 21:00

Yes, I never have anyone to stay. It wouldn't work as I wouldn't enjoy it. I'm ok with grandsons on odd nights, that's about it.

I never stay at anyone else's place either, can't be myself.

RawCoconutMacaroon · 07/02/2014 21:10

There's a very accurate saying...

"Friends are like fish. They go off after 2 days"

Smile
SplattyQuenelle · 07/02/2014 21:44

I hate having overnight guests. The older I get the more of an introvert I become!

DP's brother came over from NZ last summer and stayed with us for A MONTH. He sat on the sofa on his ipad all day and didn't really bother with my attempts at conversation (trying to get to know him better). Was utterly fed up after 2 weeks.

He's coming over again (with his 20 yr old son - DP's nephew) for our wedding in June, when our baby will be 8 weeks old. DP told me that they would be staying with us for 2-3 weeks. I told him that if they were staying they I would be leaving to stay at my mum's - and I meant it. Didn't feel bad either! 2-4 days is fine, but 2-3 weeks around the time we're getting married (personal and stressful time) when we have a new baby, bearing in mind the fact that he didn't bother tp even talk to me on his last visit?! No way.

Sorry, a bit of a rant there... Grin

something2say · 07/02/2014 23:45

The first day - a guest. The second day - a guest.
The third day - a disaster!

Original poster
nerofiend · 08/02/2014 08:10

Thank you so much for your replies so far. I feel so much better to hear it's not just me. Before we lived in a one bedroom flat and people never stayed that long or never came to visit at all. So I never had this problem of getting so fed up of it.

I do feel mentally exhausted after having guests for more than 3 days and I'm left with the feeling that it's like running a hotel.

The last friend who stayed was also very rude to me. She called me Cinderella because I was cleaning the toilet and called me the second class citizen of the house because I have my kids left overs as I don't like to throw food away.

I was very upset and fuming by the end of it. Couldn't wait to see her go.

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 08/02/2014 08:13

Yes of course it's exhausting!

When I have people to stay I hire a daily maid to come in and clean, hotel style. Otherwise it's too shattering to do all that extra catering, entertaining etc.

TunipTheUnconquerable · 08/02/2014 08:22

Depends entirely who the guests are.

There are quite a few people who are lovely with the kids and entertain them all the time leaving me to do all the extra cooking and cleaning in peace, so I quite enjoy the change.

Also, cooking for my kids is so unrewarding that cooking for appreciative adults is a rare treat. Unappreciative adults, however....

maggiemight · 08/02/2014 08:28

3 days max (2 nights) - no more, there is a rhyme saying this but can't remember it.

Day 1 they arrive with chocs and wine - all lovely, you/DP have the house tidy, meal ready.
Day 2 - nice day together, they might treat you to a meal out.
Day 3 - leisurely breakfast, finish reminiscing, wave them happily on their way.

So no shopping for huge meals, trying to chat and be friendly whilst busy with everyday stuff, grudging the cost of food, doing their washing, queuing for the loo/shower. This works.

ajandjjmum · 08/02/2014 08:37

I agree with Maggie - if people want to visit and it suits you, say you have a house rule - no one stays for more than 2 nights as it puts too big a strain on your normal family life. Anyone sensible would be grateful for those two night, anyone else is an entitled idiot, and you're best off without them anyway!

birdmomma · 08/02/2014 09:20

Yes. I have emigrated to NZ, so when people come, they come for A LONG TIME. I get so excited to see them, then after 3 days I'm climbing the walls and desperate for them to leave again. Some guests are much better than others, but I'm just not good at sharing my personal space.

AngelinaCongleton · 08/02/2014 09:25

I hate it. Used to think I liked it but in reality I hate it. Its a useful thing to know about yourself. I put myself off my lovely cousin having her stay too often/ too long. I've now moved to a house with no spare bedroom and I like it that way Grin

pictish · 08/02/2014 09:27

Yes absolutely.
I find it exhausting, so I avoid it tbh. We have no room to spare anyway....with three kids in a three bedroom house, we're chocca as it is. I did have my dad and brother to stay for three days last year and it floored me.
I also dislike staying in other people's houses.

I need my nothing time where I don't have to be bright and cheery. Having guests, or being one, does not allow for that.

It's not for me.

MrsCampbellBlack · 08/02/2014 09:31

I hate it too. In fact we've been deciding whether to extend our house to give us a guest room and decided against it. I'd rather spend a few 100 a year and put people up at local lovely b&b.

DowntonTrout · 08/02/2014 09:40

I find it extremely trying. Even with people I love! Agree a night or two is fine, but then I just want to get back to normal.

We have some friends who we stay with sometimes. Two nights max. I help cook, clean, wash up, tidy, order cases of wine to be delivered. I treat their house as my own in some ways in that I will just make everyone sandwiches or coffees and get that she needs to sit in a room watching tv for a bit of time alone or that he likes to potter about in his shed with DH drinking wine

I hope we are good guests but, even so, I know it's really hard work sometimes.

Meglet · 08/02/2014 09:40

I would never have people to stay. I like my own space too much.

Rosebag · 08/02/2014 09:53

Love this thread. Thought I was the only one who didn't like having people to stay and didn't like staying at other peoples' places! I hardly ever even do sleepovers for the kids. But I love having lots of people over and entertaining. Just not staying. We have a small place on the coast as well, and when people visit ( and sometimes stay over) I'm wrecked after a day or two but then feel mean. Maybe people like us are just a bit private? I was brought up in a house where there were always people staying. Perhaps I'm reacting against it!

Original poster
nerofiend · 08/02/2014 10:02

I also thought it was just be turning into a frumpy old lady but I'm so relieved to hear lots of people feel this way.

Even the people I love I find it hard work when they stay over for more than three days.

I suppose it's human nature but also the fact that our lives are so complicated and pressurised these days that having people over is indeed a big strain on our daily routines and households.

OP posts:
pictish · 08/02/2014 10:10

I do the odd sleepver for the kids, as they love it...but it actually knackers me out. It's not my favourite thing to indulge. I put on a great show and treat them really well, but yeah...it's hard work.
I always make out like we've got plans for the day after, so ask parents to collect by 11am the next morning.
I'm always so glad when they've gone.

Wordsaremything · 08/02/2014 12:03

I never have people to stay-I only have one bed in this house for a reason! I equally hate staying at other peoples' houses. Never do it. So glad am not alone in this.

sanschocolat · 08/02/2014 12:18

I'm beginning to loathe it too as I get older. (Our house is old, unrenovated and barely habitable for us never mind guests.) However we live abroad so visitors are a regular feature of our lives.

I'm sorry to say that Dh's late parents were the worst. They stayed for weeks at a time and expected 3 cooked meals a day plus formal coffee and tea in between. One day I ran the dishwasher 7 times!!!! However, they also expected you to 'be in constant attendance' and listen to all of their conversations (you weren't actually encouraged to join in) and doing all of those things at once simply isn't possible!! Nothing was ever good enough ie I remember making my late mil's bed up with 8 pillows and she asked for two more!! Always a criticism, never a 'thank you'. I like to think of myself as a hospitable person, and generally enjoy the experience of sitting around the table with family, eating good food etc but those visits were hellish ... .

OddFodd · 08/02/2014 12:24

Two nights max and I'm fine. I have never had someone to stay longer than that. The older I get, the less I enjoy going to stay with other people too - I'd much prefer they came here. That may be because I'm lazy and/or a control freak, I'm not sure Blush

cjbk1 · 08/02/2014 12:28

I'm very glad that my parents aren't visiting in half term after all; "where's this?" "Where's that" "can we make coffee?" "what were you planning to make for dinner?" "shall I make dinner?" taking ages in the only bathroom, leaving their shoes outside the shoe cupboard, buying weird coffee in Lidl then leaving it in my cupboards, constant questions, inviting other family to my house so I have to cook for them too, just getting in the way so i suggest expensive day trips just to get out, wanting to 'look after' dc's when I'm at work when they are no fun never were and dc's hate it...I could go on ConfusedShock

WinterDrawsOff · 08/02/2014 12:35

I'm with you OP. I hate visitors. I have a house with four bedrooms in a holiday location. DH and I became so fed with visitors staying 2 weeks or more for free holidays, being wined and dined, taxi service here and there, that we removed all the beds but ours. Family and friends can now visit for a couple of hours but they can't stay! It's wonderful!!