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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Great long lasting faithful relationship?

21 replies

GEM33 · 07/02/2014 00:49

Um, reading these posts isn't giving me much hope for finding one.

It all seems to go along the lines of
I thought everything was ok
He told me it was over out the blue
Find out there was someone else

I'm not feeling hopeful at all. It's all just happened to me so how do u find faith again!

OP posts:

BlodynRose · 07/02/2014 02:14

Faith in what op? Faith in the same Man or a new Man?

Monty27 · 07/02/2014 02:16

Or any man?

Logg1e · 07/02/2014 05:26

It's like a poem.
Do not think that.
A relationship advice forum.
Is the best place.
For a representative sample.

Perfectlypurple · 07/02/2014 05:38

You see that type of thread about relationships because people tend to post when they are unhappy/something has gone wrong. All the people in good relationships don't post to say how great things are. It's the people needing advice that start threads. Don't lose heart. There's a lot of good guys out there.

ihatethecold · 07/02/2014 06:52

I agree. I have been with my dh for 15 years. We get on great. Want the best for each other and give each other emotional support when it's needed.
It does exist.
The biggest deal for me is that we respect each other.
Unfortunately I had to be with a right pig for 5 years before I found my good guy.

oldwomaninashoe · 07/02/2014 07:50

What the others have said , we have all had rubbish relationships with men, but its what you take from the experience that matters ie learn from your mistakes and endeavour not to repeat them.

I've been happily married to my 2nd husband for 30+ years, it can be done.

Fibreopticangel · 07/02/2014 08:06

Another long -time married here.

We've had ups and downs, especially when the dc were small, toxic in laws, work pressures - but dh we've always kept communication open and worked things out. I can't bear to think of life without him, and he feels the same.

Know what your deal breakers are and be prepared to talk and compromise on everything else.

E.g dh is messy and has hoarder tendencies which can get me down - he has got a bit better because he knows how much this annoys me - but I've accepted that will never change and his many good points make up for it.

Personally I do think many people give up too easily on relationships when the going gets a bit tough - any long term relationship will encounter problems, but if you can keep communication open, even if it's arguments, it's possible to overcome many problems.

Joysmum · 07/02/2014 10:04

I was cheated on by a previous partner and it did scar my outlook on life.

I've been with my hubby 20 years this year and it still is there running in the background. Difference us, after all this time is not a reflection of a lack of trust in my husband, it's a lack of faith and confidence in myself to hold him so nothing to do with trust in him. As I said though, as time has gone on it's faded and just runs in the background now.

There are some very good faithful men out there and if they find the right person, these are the long lasting relationships.

Finding the right person is trial and error though.

One thing, even if anyone finds themselves in the wrong relationship, there is no excuse for being unfaithful and not ending it before something new begins.

Hassled · 07/02/2014 10:09

You just get lucky.

My first husband was unfaithful and it was a miserable marriage - but now I'm in a "great long-lasting faithful relationship" - we've been together 18 years. I'm currently massively pissed off with him but that's bye-the-bye and I know we'll get over it, because he's one of the good guys. There really are good guys out there.

JeanSeberg · 07/02/2014 10:15

Long-term single is the way forward.

I can't tell you how much headspace it frees up and how liberated I've felt since I packed in all the dating shite.

Not for everyone, understandably.

Rightallalong · 07/02/2014 10:16

Ahhh, OP, thanks for posting this because look at all the good stuff above.

Cheers me right up.

Meow75 · 07/02/2014 10:17

Another good one here.

Been together 20 years this month, married 15 1/2 and he's awesome.

I resigned from my job of 12 years in December and I now claim JSA. My DH has supported me every step of the way. When we both earned similar amounts, it was "our" money, and now it's his salary plus a tiny amount from me, it's still "our" money.

He also said the other day that as we appear to be managing, when I do get a job, any pay I get should go into my savings account - irrespective of how much I earn.

And he's a better cook than me.

KatieScarlett2833 · 07/02/2014 11:32

Been married to DH for 20 years.
Not really had to work at anything to do with our relationship.
We spend most of our time laughing, TBH.

BlodynRose · 07/02/2014 12:25

Has the OP been back?,

Original poster

GEM33 · 10/02/2014 03:43

Yes I'm back! Great good stuff here :-) yeah I got dumped New Year's Day "I've changed and I'm not in love with you anymore but I do love you I'm going before I hate you"
As per advice on here u told me there would be someone else.

5 weeks later after lots of talks and pestering and catching out lies, he admits he s been dating 2 weeks after we split (yeah right) a 26 yr old pretty blonde piece I could never compete with. She's got no kids.

He left his son and ex when son was 2 that was 10 years ago for younger version.
He left me our daughter is two for a younger model.

I don't want the selfish filthy irresponsible £!@t anyway. Good luck to this girl coping with a 37 yr old man with debts, no house, two kids by 2 different women and my shifts. He ll only get 4 weekends in 5 free. I can actually laugh about it.

OP posts:

CheerfulYank · 10/02/2014 05:06

What a bastard.

Yes, some men are lovely though. I've been with DH for ten years now, married for 7, and he is ace :)

BlodynRose · 10/02/2014 14:12

No one knows what lies ahead in any relationship. People genuinely believe that they and their OH will always be faithful but life happens. Good people find themselves crossing lines which then takes on life of its own. Many long successful happy relationships have been threatened by affairs but not destroyed. Marriages that survive affairs are generally stronger after as both parties have been to hell and back. Hard lessons are learned and wisdom is gained.

Damnhot72 · 10/02/2014 16:50

Ohh thank god for this thread, I'm feeling there's no hope either. I left my husband as he was just never there, I mean never I couldn't live like that. I met someone else which for a while was ok but then it turned out he couldn't cope with my children and was controlling and moody oh and didn't pay his way. Then I met someone else who was abusive psychotic and the police was involved. Then a break, now someone who is 45 and wants to spend his time away with the lads all the time, who also has issues around money and commitment !! Were are all the normal guys!!!

Original poster

GEM33 · 12/02/2014 00:49

Blodynrose that's a very balanced and fair comment. Yes, we all tend to jump on the band wagon and "the bastard" comments come forth but your point is very valid. It's helped me feel better actually. Bad feelings aren't helpful. Nice feelings are easier to live with. Thanks :-)

OP posts:

HoneyandRum · 12/02/2014 08:32

We've been married 17 years, together 18. I was surprised by DH as he didn't quite fit the mold of what I thought I liked! We got on really well from the start and became great friends. I knew he had the hots for me but thought he just wanted a fling, so wasn't interested. He went on to declare his love for me about three months later. I was so shocked I actually cried. I couldn't believe that such a genuinely lovely person could feel that way about me. I am a motormouth and he is more introverted so I could have easily not given him enough time to see all his wonderful qualities. Of course he's good looking too! I suppose I am saying, keep an open mind and give yourself plenty of time to get to know someone. I was very shocked to meet DH and be married within the year. Still happy and have three kids.

ErrolTheDragon · 12/02/2014 08:39

we have all had rubbish relationships with men

I haven't. I had two very nice boyfriends during the 6th form (who afaik have gone on to have long stable marriages), met DH at uni and we've been married since 1986. Of course there have been ups and downs but essentially he's a good guy, we have mutual respect and he's a great father.

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