Sorry this is going to be long. Over six months ago dh confessed to me that he had been looking at p*rn and had joined (though a local pop up add) a site where you could get a secret email where you could email, sext, etc. women in the area. He joined two months before he confessed. After a month of having his profile out there, a woman contacted him (also married) and they emailed, sexted, for a week or so. This was the only woman he had contact with.
We then went on vacation and "he was hoping that it would stop" but she contacted him again. He ended up "meeting" her at a local area about 11:00 pm one night. They started to fool around (touching) and then he left the car and told her he couldn't do it, he loved me, etc. That night he told me (I was asleep on the sofa when the said he "had to go get petrol" at 11:00 at night. I knew he wasn't gone long because he was home about 30 minutes later. The encounter lasted about 10 minutes.
That night he confessed, saying that our sex life had been extremely frustrating for him so he ended up looking at p*rn, and had with a severe lack of judgement signed up to this site. He was right about the sex... it had been disappointing for both of us for quite a while. I constantly brought it up, he never wanted to talk about it. And then of course it snowballs.
ANYway, after a few months of counseling, separately and together, many tears, we have rebuilt our relationship. (We have been married 13 years). I have forgiven him. BUT I never, ever, for any reason, want to ever feel so vulnerable again in this relationship. He knows, that only a spider web of thread kept me from leaving him after such trust and devestating news. So here is the issue. I am a SAHM. I have a small part time job but it really brings in no money. I am considering socking away money without his knowledge, in case some day we Would get divorced. We are in the states, where everything is 50/50. But he makes good money, and we all know how the woman can suffer so financially is a case such as this. He would Really be living the good life, and given my age (50) I would really be struggling raising ds on my own after giving up my career so many years ago.
Of course, I would still have to get a job. But even if I had 5K saved up, it would really help me in case I got into a jam, it would be my rainy day $, and frankly, it would give me a feeling of empowerment. I have spoken to a relative who knows the situation and would be willing to shelter the $ for me. Like I said, it would take me 5 years to squirrel away 5K. I definitely feel guilty for it, but in my mind it's "business, not personal". I have to look after myself. Right??