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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

New bf keeps tapping me for cash.

98 replies

freeandhappy · 03/02/2014 19:09

He's got a good job but def has less expendable cash than me. He started by taking me out for dinner, inviting me to his place and having nice wine in etc and has progressed to sitting on his hands in pub when it's his round and asking me to bring wine and fags as he is a bit broke. I see him once a week with very little contact in between. Now he has started asking for cash. 100 last week 50 this week. When he texted me this sat asking me to bring wine and 50 quid in cash I said I wasn't going it was making me feel used. He got v shirty (by text) wouldn't answer phone when I rang, and has basically binned me???! Turns out he needed the 50quid as he promise to take his interns out on a day trip on Sunday? Wha?! And I ruined it and he had to cancel. Btw he has never taken me on a day trip. I am disappointed as he seemed lovely and smart and I liked him. But that's just taking the piss isn't it?

OP posts:
AmazingJumper · 04/02/2014 00:02

Well, presumably you had some good times with him, so it wasn't all a write off. And yes, you did call it and say no. Perfectly resaonable to lend money to someone you're going out with and you stopped it before it really started taking the piss.

1974rach · 04/02/2014 00:55

You are well rid my dear Smile

I suspect it will not be the last time you hear from him...they tend to rear their ugly heads now and then. Do feel free to use the following phrase:

"kiss my ass fuckwit"

Grin
AnyFucker · 04/02/2014 01:01

your boundaries seem ok to me

some women marry and have kids with such cocklodging fuckwits

just make sure he stays dumped, all is well

Original poster
freeandhappy · 04/02/2014 08:31

Well that's true af an I feel quite pleased with myself that I didn't engage with any plea bargaining. When I got that message to bring fifty in cash with me, my cheeks were burning and I had what I can now recognise as that massive adrenalin rush feeling of 'fuck right off'. This is a good thing. Having been sexually abused as a child for many years and having been trained to robotically serve all men's needs and requests as if it is my joy and honour, it is a step forward for me to strongly recognise and follow thru on knowing when to say NO. (Am in my 40s ten yrs of therapy! Starting to work?)

OP posts:
Original poster
freeandhappy · 04/02/2014 08:31

Also he just texted are you still mad at me?

OP posts:
livingzuid · 04/02/2014 08:39

Seriously?! Are you going to bother to respond? What a fuckwit, well done you on a lucky escape!

AnyFucker · 04/02/2014 08:46

Just ignore the stupid arsewipe

ParsleyTheLioness · 04/02/2014 08:59

No! Don't respond. Arsehole.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/02/2014 09:03

Do not respond. Responding at all means he still has your attention, any reply from you is seen by him as a reward so will bother you even more.

DeMaz · 04/02/2014 09:03

Send him one text saying 'don't ever contact me again'.

Then you can ignore the moronic demon!

Roshbegosh · 04/02/2014 09:08

I would be tempted to include in the text "I don't need a loser like you in my life. Learn to busk if you are short"

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 04/02/2014 09:20

Seriously?

He really isn't willing to let go of the chance of £££, is he?!

Either ignore him or reply "I am not mad at you, I am nothing at you. Do not contact me again."

Original poster
freeandhappy · 04/02/2014 09:27

Well it's interesting tht he should say that: still mad at me. Because I never said anything angry or cross to him. I just said it was making me feel bad. He then got angry and was all just forget it. I asked him then if he was angry with me and he said yes because I'd hurt his feelings. So now he has rewritten this as me being angry and mean. I have to admit here that so as to not see him stuck I would online transfer 50 quid but I didn't want to see him. He turned that down tho.
I'm afraid I had already texted back I'm not angry as I'm not really. Just more think what a complete weirdo/nobber. He said lets meet up soon. I have ignored that tho.

OP posts:
Roshbegosh · 04/02/2014 09:38

Why don't you want to see him stuck? He is not your responsibility. He will be stuck every five minutes, leave him to it.

AnyFucker · 04/02/2014 09:39

for christs sake, don't give him any more money

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 04/02/2014 09:40

What more is there to say?

HelloBoys · 04/02/2014 09:40

ooh god didn't have to read that to say dump the idiot.

mammadiggingdeep · 04/02/2014 09:41

You offered him money today??

LilyBlossom14 · 04/02/2014 09:43

I hope you don't give him another penny! I would ask him for your money back too. Then I would block and ignore him.

HelloBoys · 04/02/2014 09:44

he's never taken you on a day trip yet can take the interns on one (shows priorities right there.

he has a good job yet needs to ponce on you - his money handling skills are dire obviously and needs to learn to handle it better.

the odd £100 and £50 here is never good. I've known students/unemployed men etc who are better/more generous with their cash and treating.

I earn less than I should and spend more than I should but ensure I do not ponce off others, let alone a boyfriend.

HelloBoys · 04/02/2014 09:44

he really does not give a shit about you and is now using the guilt trip rubbish. no way Jose.

gamerchick · 04/02/2014 09:45

christ DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY MONEY. he is going to come back and accept your offer yanno.

Turn his name into freeloader or cocklodgerwannabe and don't open anymore texts or take any more calls.

And ffs don't give him any money, he's not your responsibility. He managed perfectly well before you and he'll find some willing soul to sponge off after you.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 04/02/2014 09:51

oh dear god, I missed that! You offered him money?!

You utter berk.

Why the hell did you do that?

I'm not mad, here have some money?

Honestly, nobody needs cock that badly.

PLEASE rethink.

Meerka · 04/02/2014 09:51

"sorry, I don't think I can afford to see you any more".

Ahem. Not really ... or ... maybe.

But no, you're well shot of this one.

Deathwatchbeetle · 04/02/2014 09:54

Yes they can be charming and actually make an effort in the beginning, working up to "by the way can you lend me £......." It is not your fault he did not have the money for his interns. He is an adult and should have made sure when he invited them out he had enough money, tosser!!!!

You are well off without him -literally and financially!!!!