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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

New bf keeps tapping me for cash.

98 replies

freeandhappy · 03/02/2014 19:09

He's got a good job but def has less expendable cash than me. He started by taking me out for dinner, inviting me to his place and having nice wine in etc and has progressed to sitting on his hands in pub when it's his round and asking me to bring wine and fags as he is a bit broke. I see him once a week with very little contact in between. Now he has started asking for cash. 100 last week 50 this week. When he texted me this sat asking me to bring wine and 50 quid in cash I said I wasn't going it was making me feel used. He got v shirty (by text) wouldn't answer phone when I rang, and has basically binned me???! Turns out he needed the 50quid as he promise to take his interns out on a day trip on Sunday? Wha?! And I ruined it and he had to cancel. Btw he has never taken me on a day trip. I am disappointed as he seemed lovely and smart and I liked him. But that's just taking the piss isn't it?

OP posts:
ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 03/02/2014 20:05

God yes.

be nobody's cash cow.

ChasedByBees · 03/02/2014 20:05

Idiot loser. Using your money to treat others to a day trip when he's never taken you on one, that goes several light years beyond taking the piss.

Bogeyface · 03/02/2014 20:10

Anyone else thinking that the OP could actually be an unwitting OW?

Dodged a bullet there OP, delete his number and move on.

Original poster
freeandhappy · 03/02/2014 20:14

I'd say he's had about 150 in cash and fucking loads of drinks bought for him. SO disappointed as he seemed great before Xmas. Oh well. I wonder if he will be back for more. I even apologised for being so mean!

OP posts:
Original poster
freeandhappy · 03/02/2014 20:22

And also thanks mumsnet! I feel really hurt that he would bum money off me to take his presumably young? Femal? Cute? interns for a day out when he is always too busy to see me. But he said I have humiliated when it was so hard to ask. But where the hell are his more established relationships that he could touch if he is broke? And I'm def not an OW. Have been to his flat loads of times and was working with him last year. But I have a sinking feeling that I was on the verge of being two timed....

At least I did call it and say no. I'd have been fuming thinking about him off having a lovely day on my dollar while I have yet another Sunday on my own.

OP posts:
jadeddazedandconfused · 03/02/2014 20:26

Sounds like a drugs problem... I could be wrong

Original poster
freeandhappy · 03/02/2014 20:28

No it's def not drugs. He is v square and respectable.

OP posts:
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 03/02/2014 20:30

Hm I was wondering about drugs too.

Get rid OP, he is a loser.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 03/02/2014 20:32

Respectable? Are you sure? Leeches off you treating you like an atm and not even pretending to want to spend time with you?
His once a week token visit that you finance so he can secure another week of sponging?

Doesnt sound too respectable to me

Anniegetyourgun · 03/02/2014 20:33

You humiliated him by declining to lend him money? Ahahahaha!

Cheeky sod.

Dunwhingin · 03/02/2014 20:40

listen....... those are the alarm bells ringing
Run away!!
you are so well rid of this leech, I am so sorry that it has gone wrong but there is definitely someone better out there, a real man who has some respect for women and who will value you for more than your bank balance!

spindlyspindler · 03/02/2014 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mishmashfamily · 03/02/2014 20:48

Cheeky bastard!!

HandragsNGladbags · 03/02/2014 20:55

Gambler?

Anyway not your problem and thank goodness you're out of it.

If you wanted to be mean you could explain that unless the £150 is returned then you will have no option but to go to the small claims court... really upset one of my leeches exes

SuburbanSpaceperson · 03/02/2014 20:57

I bet he's a scrooge, and very comfortably off. My grandfather was pathologically tight-fisted, but a very respectable and totally honest professional person. He used to go out for lunch with my Dad (his son) once a week. Every week he would say "I can't remember who payed last week, was it me?" and my Dad would say "It probably was" and pay for the lunch. After he died (leaving loads of money) my Dad found his diaries, every week it said "lunch with D, D paid". It was a sort of competition with him, if other people paid for him more often than he paid for them, he was winning. I think it was a control thing left over from a very difficult and uncertain childhood.

KissesBreakingWave · 03/02/2014 20:57

Entirely taking the piss, you're well rid. (Although I will admit to almost never having parking change on me and relying on the tendency of ladies to have about half a kilo of random silver in their purses.)

Original poster
freeandhappy · 03/02/2014 21:01

well he can keep the money. it felt so boundary pushing and yet he said he was mad about me. and he said this would be the very last time he asked. but i suppose the fact that he wouldnt talk to me and got angry with me tells me all i need to know. i hope to fuck he wasnt really getting a lend off me to bring out someone he fancied that would be a new low even for me. i have been single for so long working on my boundaries etc its such a sickening feeling when you realise that you have landed yet another disrespectful user:-(

OP posts:
ILoveDHIDo · 03/02/2014 21:02

Hrs using you, point, blank, period.
Dump him he's a waste of oxygen.

JenBehavingBadly · 03/02/2014 21:02

What an absolute arse. Scrounging money at getting pissed off when you don't let him use you as a spare wallet. Fuck that my dear, fuck that right off.

Anniegetyourgun · 03/02/2014 21:42

Don't feel foolish. It's not a new trick. is over 100 years old but I bet the story sounds familiar...

BuzzardBird · 03/02/2014 23:00

I am sorry you have been treated this way :(

Original poster
freeandhappy · 03/02/2014 23:46

Thanks Annie and buzzardFlowers. We live and learn.

OP posts:
LoveUall · 03/02/2014 23:48

just get rid ad move on

Bogeyface · 03/02/2014 23:49

Look at it this way, counselling would have cost you a lot more to learn the lesson you have learned. If they take more than they give then they aint worth having.

Seems like you have had a bargain!

Seriously, you got of lightly in relation to what he would have taken from you if you had stayed with him. Not just your cash, he would have taken your self esteem and your self worth. Well done for kicking him to the kerb.

Mellowandfruitful · 03/02/2014 23:57

Well actually if boundaries are a problem for you, and with this bloke you have said no on the third attempt to fleece you, that's probably you making a massive improvement. As others have said, this could have gone on for months / years more and left you destitute. Lucky escape for sure.

As for his pathetic story - if it was really so difficult and humiliating he would not have asked at all, and he would have told you exactly what it was for up front and been apologetic, not angry, at your reaction. Well rid.