I don't know how to deal with this

[Shouldhavelistened]

The short version: Looks like OH has been contacting if not meeting prostitutes

The long version: a while ago, due to a Mumsnet thread about Adultwork, I noticed that OH had this on his computer. Mumsnet said LTB most vehemently, he said he had just been looking at porn, showed me some sites he frequents, said there was nothing more to it than that. I didn't LTB.

Fast forward a year and a bit and a baby later and today he went out to work leaving his laptop logged into his email. I went to shut everything down but some spidey sense tingled just as I was about to close it and I started to nose.

A few hours of reading and hacking into various email acounts later and I got into his Adult work account which appears to be one of many sites he uses including ordinary dating sites. Turns out he's been emailing 'escorts' trying to arrange one hour 'out calls'? including when he went away for a course when DD was only a few weeks old.

I don't know how to handle this. Our DD is only 7 months old for christsake.

[Shouldhavelistened]

I can't think of revenge, my mind is too full of the nearly four years of my life I've just thrown away and the 'family' I thought I had which is now in tatters.

[MinkBernardLundy]

Should just popped in to say sorry. rough deal. you have done fuck all wrong and it sounds like you are going to get the tough deal.



Re. the car. Ask him for it. he might say no but he may say yes especially if he is feeling guilty. No jam asking.

If he is feeling guilty milk it to get as much as you can before he goes defiant on you. have a receipt written ready for him to sign for the car.

[MinkBernardLundy]

Also is there any point appealing to his parents to let you and their grandchild stay in the house while thru son who sleeps with pristitutes comes home for a bit.

She is, after all, their family just as much as he is.

[MinkBernardLundy]

Harm not jam asking **

[Shouldhavelistened]

I don't know Mink but I'm sure as hell going to make sure his family know why I'm leaving. I don't see why I should be painted as the bitch who left him (makes me wonder about his previous partner who left when their child was a few months old who has been portrayed this way) I've done nothing wrong.

[SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots]

Mink, I came on to say ask his parents if you and baby can stay until you get something else sorted. And tell them why. They might be more supportive of you than you think.

[MinkBernardLundy]

Quite right should. Do not keep his dirty secrets for him.

Hope you get through this evening OK.

[Shouldhavelistened]

Thanks for all the support, I'm still waiting for him to come home. I've been dealing with this all day and my stomach is churning. Need to just get it over with now.

[Logg1e]

What will happen tonight? He is likely to deny, minimise and lie. I cant see him moving out.

[Kleptronic]

Good energy to you Should. You have yourself and you have your DD. I think you have the world right there, although I expect it doesn't feel that way right now.

Feelings aren't facts. If it helps, if you can, stick to the facts - he has been contacting prostitutes, and arranging meetings, and for you it is over. You bought the car, and you want it in your name.

Keep safe. You can get through it. [hug]

[Shouldhavelistened]

I fully expect him to say it was harmless email sand nothing actually happened but I don't believe it. You don't sent about 6 emails to try to get someone to your hotel room for fun. Not even just on the day but for days leading up to him being away. All while I was at home taking care of our daughter who was less than 5 weeks old.

I'll either go to my mums or just make him sleep on the sofa and I suppose start packing up tomorrow. None of it feels real. I haven't even cried.

[Shouldhavelistened]

Here we go, sounds like he's home.

[BigBoPeep]

Really sorry to hear about your situation and how shit it is with the car particularly (that you will still have to pay for it). But, 'at the end of the day' (hate that phrase) it's all just things. I think, given the password thing which will give the game away before you could put 'whonickedmyname's plan into action, I'd just write it off in my head, explain to my mum what had happened and ask her to help me dig myself and my daughter out of this hole. Knowing that your mum's place is too small, but with help you'll get out of it all, it's not forever.

I agree with the suggestion of asking for YOUR car, mentioning the loan-as-proof idea, but if he wont give it up, get round there and trash the thing so he cant benefit from your hard work by selling it

[Shouldhavelistened]

I'd like to think that even as big a wanker as he is he wouldn't screw me over with the car but that remains to be seen. Like you say, it's only stuff either way.

If he doesn't come home soon the tension is going to actually make me sick. I could really do with a drink but I'm not sure I could stop at one.

[Logg1e]

Keep a clear head OP.

[Kleptronic]

Aw Should x

[Shouldhavelistened]

Yeah I am doing, thanks. Decaf tea isn't quite cutting it though.

[SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots]

Sorry, my last post looks like I was calling OP Mink. I meant I was agreeing with Mink.

[Shouldhavelistened]

Apparently he never actually did anything just sent messages. Of course before I showed irrefutable evidence he didn't know anything about it at all and it wasn't him

[Shouldhavelistened]

The thing that has really got to me? He never once said sorry.

[NomNomNom]

No, he's far too self-involved. My ex was the same. Wait till he twists it so it's all your fault.

[Shouldhavelistened]

Oh fully expecting that, he's tried tears and when that had no effect he's gone all silent.

[LilyBlossom14]

As if sending messages isn't bad enough.

[Kleptronic]

Stick to your guns. You know what you will take or not take.

[Lacoba66]

Even IF his emails were not acted upon, at what point would he have decided that he was justified in them alone? Intention was there!

Please look after yourself and your baby- he is not thinking beyond his fantasy world (physical or not) but you and your baby are not part of his real world. He will try and justify what is going on, because that's what liars do.

I feel for down to my guts! Take care.