Partner Help Please?

[PhoenixRising1979]

Hello

This is my first post here and I don’t really know where to start. Last year I found out something about my partner from someone he works with. We’ve been together 7 years and have a child and house together. Part of his personality is being a huge flirt, but it’s always harmless and it’s never bothered me. Basically, this woman said that this time was different.

She told me that for the last 6 months she’d seen him and this woman together almost every day but the most worrying part was their body language, she told me his eyes lit up when he saw this woman and he’d have coffee waiting for her and vice versa when she came in, and put his arm round her waist to greet her. She’d also seen him push her hair out of her eyes and him standing behind her stroking her neck, and to use her words ‘being affectionate’ with her. She’s also seen him holding her hand in their reception area. There’s more which I’m sure I’m forgetting, but for now – what would you class the above as?

We (women) spend so much time analysising the motives of our partners - wr make excuse after excuse for their selfish uncaring behaviours. We invest time and love and energy only to see it thrown back in our face again and again.

I have no advise to give. My own relationship is suchh a mess that i'm not in any place to comment on anyones elses.

But can i ask is this man really worth all your heartache and sorrow, whether he is having an affair or not? (and i'm sorry but from what you have written he probably is)

can you right now, off the top of your head, list all the reasons why this man matters to you other than he is the father of your dc and he brings money into the house?

I love him...and have for the last 7 years : (

Sorry, but just to say you 'love him' is a cop out - what is it about him that you love. Be honest with yourself.

He's kind, loving, a wonderful father, cooks, cleans, is generally attentive...but then there's...this

Well we ended up bumping into this woman last night. Myself and my partner were walking through a crowd holding hands when I saw her and stopped, with my partner trying to pull me away. I couldn't resist saying something when I saw her. She was talking to a small group of people all sitting down and I stood in front of her and told her she needs to get a life and get a grip and to stay away from him

She said nothing initially, just sat there looking really confused. Then we went to walk off with me still shouting at her, and she got up at tapped partner on the shoulder and said to him that they were going to have a conversation about this and she'd not done anything. He shouted at her to fuck off and fuck off and leave him alone at work too. I was shoving her in the arm telling her to get a life and to stay away from us, and she kept with the confused face saying she had done nothing and then went and sat back down

Nicely handled OP.

Shouting at someone in public is always a good way of solving problems.

Something really stinks with all this.

I think 'OW's' reaction - total confusion - is really telling.

I think you need to keep digging and asking questions.

An btw, the first rule of love is trust.

Which seems to be missing.

And you 'D' P's reaction? Wow!

Nicely handled

Why are you so angry with her but quite happy to let your 'D'P get away without giving you a full explanation as to what exactly has been going on?

TeenyW123 - how do you mean telling and wow?

TheGin - All he's told me is that she won't leave him alone and talks to him at work still...who would you believe or want to believe, her or the man you've loved for 7 years and have two children with?

Why should the OW be confused about being told to fuck off and leave your man alone? She'd be expecting it, surely?

I don't think I'd believe either of them.

Him because he's a lying twunt trying to cover tracks of some sort; her because she doesn't really matter in all this. It's twunt you need to be asking for the truth.

Her, his actions are speaking way louder than words.

The Gin - Do you think all his actions point to guilt/that he's done SOMETHING wrong?

I already gave you my opinion, you just didn't take any notice.

I think YOU are deranged. Listening to gossip, accepting your partners refusal to discuss, assaulting and shouting at a stranger in a public place.

Are you 12?

Or are you just so desperate for everything to be 'ok' that you are behaving as if you are 12

If someone woman from my husbands work called me to gossip about him, I would tell her to do one, you all sound absolutely unprofessional. Why are you dropping into his works, it is totally not appropriate.

There is a lot going on here, and it sounds to me like he has a lot to hide, I also question the motives of the woman he works with - sounds like she needs to be needed and enjoys drama.

Did your children witness today's incident?

No, it was at a club last night not today

Jesus - what are you 15?
What on earth did you expect to gain by screeching at her like a fishwife.

It sounds like your temper is stopping you getting to the bottom of this - you can't keep shouting at people.

Can't you just ask him calmly why she looked confused when you told her to stay away, why she wanted to have a conversation about it, why this friend has said these things to you, why he stayed etc and listen to him before you kick off?

Because he says shes obsessed with him

Well he would say that wouldn't he.
Do you believe him?
What about the stroking and hand holding and avoiding eye contact?

That hasn't happened for 7 months bar avoiding her eyes

It sounds very much like your husband is the one doing the casing here, and possibly she is not even showing him interest in return. Why would she look so confused if she had been chasing after him? She'd look embarrassed surely?

You really need to step back and take a long look at your husbands behaviour - he isn't acting like the wonderful man you want to believe he is, is he?

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this, especially so soon after the birth of your DC.

From what i have read it sounds like your partner pursued her.

I think it was unfair and unneccessary of you to attack her like you did.

You need to have it out with your partner not the woman.