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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

help - dh going to strip club on stag thought makes me feel awful

64 replies

gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 17:45

am I weird for not wnating him to go?

it is my brothers stag and he says he shoulkd go so as to not offend db "you know what he's like"

the thought of him watching those women and paying for lapdances etc just makesme feel sick to the bottom of my stomach. I am trying to be okay about it but just cannot get it out of my mind. I am not like those women, far from it, so can see what he would get out of it, feel really threatened.

I know if I make a fus I will be "stopping him having any fun" which isnt true, if it was paintballing, karting golf etc etc etc I'd love him to go, infact I wish he did have more freinds and di go out and enjoyu himslef.

iu cannot stop thinking about this and I know i'm probably being crappy towards him at the moment.

just wanted a rant - feel really crap at the moment about it all.

OP posts:
Dior · 30/07/2006 17:50

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SenoraPostrophe · 30/07/2006 17:52

have you told him why you don't want him to go? I don't blame you btw. I wouldn't be 100% comfortable with dh doing something like that, but there again if he wanted to lech he could do so perfectly well on the streets in this weather.

also, dunno if this will make you feel better, but the women in strip clubs don't all look like the ones on telly. I know two women who used to work in them, and actually you might be like them (well, one of them at least).

SittingBull · 30/07/2006 17:56

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apronstrings · 30/07/2006 17:58

presumably he could go and not pay for a lap dance. I would not want dh to go really - but I would trust that if he felt he had to it would be in a very light humoured way - almost a laugh at the spectacle/experience. I would be totally pissed off of he had a lap dance - or wasted the money on one for my brother.
I don't think my dh would really enjoy it much - I think there would be a curiosity value - he says he thinks they are wierd - like paying to smell food in a restaurant!?

I wouldn't stop him but would ask him tons of questions about it and probably give him a bit of a hard time - wouldn't be able to help my self

Original poster
gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 17:58

he knows I hate porn etc etc but has always said it is my problem not his - porbably true I know. I really just cannot get this out of my head. I think the club is spearmint rhinos and from what I know the girls are just what I fear, skinny pretty and sexy. I looked on their website stupid I know asd it made me feel even more crappy

OKay,so OI know he's not going to nip off and shag anyone else but somehow thats not whats bothering me and knowing this doesn't make me feel at all better.

also it kinda hurst that he is more worried about his own male pride than my feeling however stupid they are, as I know he doesn't really give a toss about whther db is offended.

I told him I dodnt want him to have a stripper on his stag and he didnt as far as I know but I know at the time I felt as if I was the strangest and worst wife in the world for imposing this on him.

OP posts:
SittingBull · 30/07/2006 18:00

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SittingBull · 30/07/2006 18:02

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edam · 30/07/2006 18:03

I'd be pissed off too. But more at the seedy/exploitation side of it.

If he knows how much this distresses you, and still plans to go, it demonstrates a complete lack of respect for you.

SenoraPostrophe · 30/07/2006 18:05

how many websites do you think really reflect the business?

not sure what to suggest really. I don't think it's unreasonable to feel uncomfortable but on the other hand it sounds like you feel less secure in your relationship and in yourself than perhaps you should be. so you don't feel like you're skinny or pretty. but I bet you have other qualities better than those (and who wants to be skinny anyway? curves are better) - maybe you should focus on that? it won't stop your dh from going to the strip club but it might take your mind off it.

Dior · 30/07/2006 18:06

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SenoraPostrophe · 30/07/2006 18:06

edam - it does sound like he doesn't know fully how much it distresses gnl.

motherinferior · 30/07/2006 18:08

I would be seriously pissed off if my partner did this.

RubyRioja · 30/07/2006 18:14

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Dior · 30/07/2006 18:15

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Original poster
gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 18:28

yes - I guess it is my proiblem because it is all in my head he sees no problem with going to a strip club so obviously not his problem.

and yes I guess he does want to go. as I know he doesnt give a toss about db's feelings this is obviuosly a lie - so Yes he wants to go doesn't he?

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RubyRioja · 30/07/2006 18:31

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Charlee · 30/07/2006 18:33

DP is a diamond with things like this and just says to his mates, sorry not my thing but how about a drink at the oub later sort of guy so i guess im lucky.

I would deffo get your point across if your feeling this bad your going to harbour thoese thoughts and they will come spewing up everytime you have a tiny argument or anything, i personally can see his point being its your brother and i presume a mates stag do, but i think hes being out of order going if he knows its bothering you.

Original poster
gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 18:34

but I know he will make me feel bad and then not go and I will be the crappest wife ever

in the past weve had many a disscussion this topic and I know he thinks I'm weird for not being okay with it.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 30/07/2006 18:37

'I would be seriously pissed off if my partner did this.'

No shit! I couldn't agree more.

Charlee · 30/07/2006 18:38

I know how you feel, i am very vocal on this subject and like i say DP is very understanding and doesnt look at porn, nuddy pics ect in the house (not sure about out the house) because he knows i hate it.

YOU ARE NOT strange for feeling like this i know many a woman who pretends to be fine but then really it eats them up inside.

You shouldnt let him make you feel bad about your feelings you cant help how you feel. Out of interest how would he feel about you having a male stripper or getting a lap dance???

Original poster
gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 18:43

He says he is fine about me going. i have been invited to the sil's2be wehich is a similar thing, but genuinely dont want to go. not my thing and dont really know anyone going, not good with large groups of people etc

OP posts:
RubyRioja · 30/07/2006 18:44

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Original poster
gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 18:45

what with the bloikes - I dont think I would want to and def would not be allowed anyway

OP posts:
lorina · 30/07/2006 18:47

My Dh wouldnt go. When he goes out with his mates and the talk turns to lapdancing clubs he rings me up for a lift home. They take the micky out of him and say he's henpecked but the truth is he cant stand it.Embarrasses the heck out of him and he feels so sorry for the girls involved.
I think loads of men feel like that but cant stand up to their mates.

1Baby1Bump · 30/07/2006 18:48

i have just looked at the 'featured dancer gallery'.....

nice.

i would worry if i was you.

i would be pissed off if it was my dh but i think he would be intimidated!!