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Original poster

help - dh going to strip club on stag thought makes me feel awful

64 replies

gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 17:45

am I weird for not wnating him to go?

it is my brothers stag and he says he shoulkd go so as to not offend db "you know what he's like"

the thought of him watching those women and paying for lapdances etc just makesme feel sick to the bottom of my stomach. I am trying to be okay about it but just cannot get it out of my mind. I am not like those women, far from it, so can see what he would get out of it, feel really threatened.

I know if I make a fus I will be "stopping him having any fun" which isnt true, if it was paintballing, karting golf etc etc etc I'd love him to go, infact I wish he did have more freinds and di go out and enjoyu himslef.

iu cannot stop thinking about this and I know i'm probably being crappy towards him at the moment.

just wanted a rant - feel really crap at the moment about it all.

OP posts:
1Baby1Bump · 30/07/2006 18:48

WOULDNT!!!

DAMN MY LEFT HAND!

Original poster
gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 18:51

thats what I looked at ibump - errr yeah not like me whatsoever

I just keep imagining that he will go along so as to not upset db and things will get out of hand, he will end up doing this that and the other so as to not upset db and then I will be expected to be okay with it - not that I'd know what went on I guess.

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Original poster
gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 18:51

wouldn't worry or wouldn't be pissed off?

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Original poster
gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 18:54

just cannot stop thinking about this but also cannot bring myself to say anything as I know it will turn into a hige row and I will not be as calm and serene and as in control as I want to be.

silly thing, is IO dream of being thin and pretty enough to be able to do this type of thing (not in public obviously) but just "to be able to" and these women are sexy no matter what you say, anyone can see that.

Of course he will be truned on by them and fancy them and I cannot handle that

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Original poster
gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 18:56

I know he thinks I am pathetic about this and about lots of other things, oversensitive as he puts it - think he means pathetic.

thing is he is a good dad and good husband and I know he lobves hme and dd. not sure why he loves me sometimes but he provides and we dont go without anything and he dotes on dd

OP posts:
lorina · 30/07/2006 18:58

Perhaps he is only going so he doesnt have to listen to years and years of your bro going on about it.

Original poster
gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 18:58

just cannto get this out of my head. my freind said she wouldn't let her husband go either - sure there must be loads of other women out there who feel this way, how do they say it to there other halfs though.

in the past I have been very possesive with dh and I know he blames me for not having freinds to go out with etc.

bopttom line is I cannot stop him going, but dont think I can just "deal with it" either

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Charlee · 30/07/2006 18:59

Sorry if this is harsh but sounds like he's either mentally knocked your confidence out of you or your not a confident person in general in which case he's not helping, nobody has the right especially the man who's supposed you to tell you that your pathetic. These are your feelings and he should respect them.

Original poster
gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 19:00

"Perhaps he is only going so he doesnt have to listen to years and years of your bro going on about it."

I find this hard to believe to be honest as he doesn't see my db that much, think he's more worried about looking like a "real man" in front of all the other men, as he works with my dad.

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Original poster
gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 19:02

charlee - no I am not confident especially about my appearance. sounds silly but I couldnt believe my luck when he first fancied me, and am a bit baffled that he still fancies me 9 years on. The self esteem thing goes back to bullying at school so isnt caused by him.

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cece · 30/07/2006 19:03

DH went to one of these on a stag night. he left after 10 mins, and no dances allegedly. Waited for them in the bar across the road.

Original poster
gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 19:04

cece, your dh actually does sound like a real man by my definition

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cece · 30/07/2006 19:05

He said it was embarassing, seedy and expensive!

foxinsocks · 30/07/2006 19:05

either he really wants to go (which I find fairly hard to believe because it doesn't sound that way)

or he feels he'll look like a wuss if he tells them he doesn't want to go...or more likely says he's not going because you don't want him to go which is either a sad indictment (not sure of sp?) of him or of his mates!

Why is your brother having his stag do there?

lorina · 30/07/2006 19:06

If its a stag do are they going drinking first and then going on to this club ? Can he come home after the drink and before the club? thats what my Dh would do.

I dont think you can forbid him to go but you can explain why you dont like it. Ask him how he would feel if your dd ended up working in a place like that. Sad presumably ?

Charlee · 30/07/2006 19:06

Sorry honey didnt mean to say it was all his fault but it sounds as if he's not really helping you to grow and be more at ease with yourself.

Sorry but i really hate men who feel they have to do things to be 'manly' in front of there mates.

Its not a case of you letting him go he should respect you enough not to go as not to upset you.

I would feel 100% the same if DP went to a strip club, even when i was happy with my apperence i just dont think its right to ogle other perople when your in a relationship.

I hate to think of you beating yourself up inside thinking your a bad wife becuase you feel the way you do.

Original poster
gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 19:07

I guess my db wants to see a stripper - and thats why. do think that maybe my dad has orgnaised this though, would be type of thing - dh often speaks of how he hates the way the other men on site talk about women and sex

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Charlee · 30/07/2006 19:10

I know my DP finds situations like this difficult as like someone else said he doesnt want to look like he's 'under the thumb' or a wuss for not doing ladish things with the boys.

Sadly DP just doesnt do them and get the piss ripped out of him which i hate, unfortunatly we havent found the solution yet.

foxinsocks · 30/07/2006 19:11

it is prob much harder for him because it is your family - your dad and your brother - the big male influences in your life! Could you not have a word with your dad/brother and just tell them that you feel a bit uncomfortable about the whole thing?

Original poster
gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 19:11

they are going for a meal and drinks in china town first I think - could suggest leaving after this - but it is the whole appearing manly thing again I think.

charlee - what you say about it not beig right to ogle other women (or men), that is exactly what I think, honestly I have no desire to go to the strip club and see the naked men, just does not interest me and I am happy to say this to the SIL2be - I know she will not be offended, and even if she was I wouldn't go along with something I didn't to do.

This makes jme think thaty really he does want to go.

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Original poster
gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 19:13

foxinsox - neither me or dh have much respect for either my father or my brother - for reasons which I wont go into and no speaking to them isn't an option, they have big mouths and not very good with ewords - would only make it worse I think.

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Original poster
gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 19:14

and I think they would too share the view that I am wierd for being so uptight

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Original poster
gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 19:15

just sometimes really hate being me ho hum

maybe one day will win the lottery and get myself fixed up lol

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foxinsocks · 30/07/2006 19:15

if you think he doesn't want to go - could you suggest to him that he goes for meal/drinks then suddenly comes down with terrible stomach cramps and has to leg it home?

try and see he has an option out and then see what he says

Original poster
gingernutlover · 30/07/2006 19:16

I can just see how that conversation would go.

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