Have NCd for this as my usual NN is known to some people and I really don't want them to know about this.
Last week DH did something pretty thoughtless and selfish (too long to go into details about). When I challenged him about it, he admitted that he had been, but during the conversation told me that he didn't think he loved me 'enough' anymore and that was part of the reason he had done what he did- he didn't care about how I would feel.
It just completely floored me, I had no idea that anything was fundamentally wrong in our relationship. We talked a lot, and he was saying he felt disconnected and, I felt, trying to blame me for that.
At no point previously had he said he felt we had any problems in our marriage. We've been married for a long time and had been chatting about what we would do once both of the DCs were at university, which isn't that far away.
He did say he wanted us to stay together and work on things. He has had some issues with losing his erection during sex over the past few months, but said he didn't know whether they were physical or psychological issues. I haven't wanted to push the subject in case it made him more anxious about it.
Monday I got pretty annoyed with myself as we slept together twice at the weekend. I was upset that I had lowered myself to sleeping with a man who didn't know if he loved me enough to stay married to me. I told him this and we ended up having another long discussion. I don't know exactly what I said, but I said something that seemed to resonate with him and he said that everything would be fine and that he really did love me.
I am just completely confused. On the Monday night, I hadn't been particularly cheery when he'd called to say he was on his way home, as I was upset about sleeping with him. Before we had our discussion, he said that me being like that made him not feel good.
How the fuck am I supposed to feel though? I do love him and want to stay together, but I feel like I have to be permanently on my best behaviour and show him the best of me. I feel I have had every right to not feel positive all the time as I am the one who has had this dropped on them completely out of the blue. To be quite honest, I don't if I will ever feel secure in our marriage again as this episode came without warning.
I have absolutely no clue what to do about having sex with him. I am not going to initiate anything, but I don't know what to do if he does. On the one hand it's part of the marriage and would help with feeling closer, but on the other I'm still feeling very hurt and insecure and don't want to give that part of myself to him.
He has said he will go to the docs and get his hormone levels checked, but finding time to do it is another matter. He moved into a much more stressful and busy job about 10 months ago. I don't know if that's had anything to do with his issues, but I don't suppose it helps. I asked him outright if he was having an affair or if he wanted to have one, and he said not. I do believe that.