And now my marriage is at stake 
This may be long so I apologise in advance but I don't want to drip feed. I have name changed but am a regular. Yoni, pom bears, poo troll etc.
About 15 months ago I started a new job. And about 6 month into that job I struck up a friendship with a younger male colleague. It was just banter, sometimes a touch flirty but never anything innappropriate. I got on with him really well and we would quite often text eachother to see what we were upto and just general conversation. In hindsight it probably was too often BUT I had nobody else to talk to.
I have no contact with my bitch of a mum, I don't have a close relationship with siblings and my dad has made it perfectly clear I am not to bother him with any of my own issues.
I'd been having a few problems with my husband. We had been falling out, he had been aggressive and a bit violent towards me on a few occasions.
One night I let this slip to this man. I don't know why, perhaps if was just a relief at being able to tell somebody. He was obviously concerned. Then everytime my husband got aggressive I would leave the house and 50% of the time would text this man. He offered to pick me up and look after me for the night but I said no. I had children to get back for.
I do not have any sexual feelings towards this man. I'm sure if I offered it on a plate he wouldn't say no but other than that there has been no sexual talk or any advances made towards me. I couldn't physically bring myself to cheat anyway, I just couldn't.
Anyway my husband tells me our issues are just as much my fault as his. I spend too much time on my iPad, I don't really pay him much attention etc and I agreed with him. I made a conscious effort to stop this and at the sane time stopped contacting this other man other than the odd happy birthday text, like friends would. We are both fine with that, he is very much still in love with his ex and has casual relationships with other women (he is 21 after all). We see eachother at work maybe once a month for 2 minutes.
Fast forward to yesterday. I have been having problems with my mobile phone. Dh says he will help me with it, wants access to my account. It hadn't been working for about it yesterday but as soon as was fixed he wanted the password. I wasn't happy about giving it because I knew he would go over it with a fine tooth comb and he wouldn't be happy seeing all of the texts (about 30 a month, 6-7 months ago).
I gave it to him and of course he was livid. I can't blame him to be honest. He thinks I have been having a full on affair which tbh I would too if it was other way round.
He has messaged the other guy and called him a cunt. Other man was like wtf? Sent me a couple texts asking what was going on.
Then I fucked up. I said I hadn't spoken to him. Now dh is going to see I lied. He doesn't trust me anyway.
I don't know what to do. I shouldn't have lied but I just didn't want a slanging match in front of the kids
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I've fucked up...
PurpleFlamingo · 22/01/2014 16:16
And now my cat is missing which I am absolutely devastated about
Sorry to hear about your cat but it's early days & I wouldn't worry just yet but having read this whole thread, please please call WA today. You deserve to live a life free from abuse & if nothing else need to get your children out before there's any lasting damage break this sad cycle abuse Be strong, this is the hardest part but then you can start enjoying life.
Whilst I was at work last night he used his phone to create a wi-fi hotspot (waiting for new router) and then went into my iPad and read this whole thread . I thought I had logged out so I'm confused. I don't think he knows the password.
Anyway got several texts at work telling me this. He was surprisingly calm and said he understood. Said if I want him to leave then he will. So we will have a talk tonight when dc's are in bed.
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