Worried that DP is stringing me along a bit Re. Marriage

[NurseScorned]

I hate being all suspicious but I can't help it lately, I'm worried I'm being strung along by stuff that is really important to me.

When we first got together my partner said he definitely wanted to get married again, he likes the mr and mrs set up, he believed marriage was important although as he hadn't been divorced long (2 years) he would want to wait a while before taking the plunge - then when we moved in together all of a sudden he changed this to never wanting to get married, making out that I should have told him how important it was to me in the early days (I did!!) and that he "supposes" he "might" marry me at a much later date if we continue to "get on" and "work as a team". Now however it's constantly at the back of my mind that if I stay with him, I might have to resign myself to having never married despite it being so important to me. He never brings it up, never talks about it and makes me feel awkward if I bring it up. It's constantly on TV, marriage, weddings, romantic proposals, honeymoons - we're going to Thailand in August and our hotel has a special wedding/honeymoon page on the internet and he looked through the entire website and just missed that page out. When skipping through the hotel photos there was an air of awkward silence when the wedding pictures came up. I just sometimes feel that he's stringing me along. If he genuinely intended to marry at some point wouldn't that be a perfect conversation starter? If he doesn't want to get married, why can't he just tell me so I can make an informed decision about my future? It winds me up all the important dates throughout the year when friends/colleagues are expecting proposals - birthdays, valentines day, on holiday (can't get much more romantic /exotic than thailand!) yet I know deep down it will never happen for me, he'll never ask me no matter how perfect the setting. A woman at work today came in all excited, stuck her hand out and was wearing a beautiful engagement ring. Everyone was so excited for her and I started feeling quite emotional. My DP never buys me anything never mind a ring. I think one of his excuses before was the cost of a wedding - clearly bullshit when all I'd want is a quick service in the reg office, I'm not even after a posh dress - none of that matters to me and I just feel so rejected by him and just wish he'd be honest with me one way or another. I'm 33 and he's 42 - we're old enough to know what we want and time is moving on somewhat. We can't have kids so it's not about that (yet that's another thing I'm willing to sacrifice for him) but I won't compromise on marriage too. But how do I make him be honest? don't want to end the relationship if he genuinely intends to ask me soon - but don't want to be strung along either.

[YankeeMum8]

I think you are correct but what's the harm in bringing it up? If you did get married you'd have to talk about important things all the time. If you are reluctant to even mention it for upsetting the apple cart, how are you too going live together married?

Tell him exactly what you expect and IMO that's not just being engaged with a ring. I mean a marriage date. I've known too many men that in their words bought their live in girlfriends rings to (again their words!) to "shut them up"! One still has her ring and is "engaged" and has been for 15 years. That's not what what you want, surely? Good luck to you.

[alphabook]

First time I've ever said this on Mumsnet:

LTB.

Please, please get away from this man. He does not love you, he just wants someone to help him pay his mortgage. At the moment you are in a good position to escape from him no strings attached, please get away before he does put your name on the mortgage and then you are financially tied to him.

[Allergictoironing]

Be careful what you wish for - what you really want is your name on the deeds rather than the mortgage. Name on deeds = legal rights to the property. Name on mortgage without name on deeds = bloody long drawn out battle to prove you have any ownership rights, and liability for the whole debt if he goes bankrupt.

[Arion]

Use the money in the joint account to clear as much of your credit card as possible and get away as quickly as you can. You, and your kids, deserve so much better than this jerk.

[43percentburnt]

Morning nurse how is it going? I hope you are ok.

A pp said to bide your time, save some money and be on your merry way. This may be a plan.

It is worth speaking to a solicitor to find out if the fact you have paid money into the joint account entitles you to equity. Does the mortgage go from the joint account? Does your money go into the joint account directly or do you transfer from your sole account? Do you label the transfer if so what is it called?
Also who put down the deposit?
Paid the fees to buy the house?
Does your money each month come from wages/bursary/ maintenance?
Can you evidence your income from payslips? Tax credit letter? Csa letter etc?

Mortgages- about why it may have been just in his name. Lenders are basing lending on affordability, the number of mouths to feed in a house ( especially an adult with no income) can mean the mortgage just has to be in one name.

Did you use a broker or your bank?

[givemeaclue]

Wonder what happened?

[enriquetheringbearinglizard]

Me too, no OP since last Thursday, hope she's ok.

[AndTheBandPlayedOn]

Whatever you have decided to do (or not do as well), I hope that you will feel that you can always come here for support.
Thinking of you , NurseScorned

[WhereMyMilk]

What's happening OP?

Hope you have packed and left this selfish money grabbing cocklodger. Good news you aren't on the mortgage-yo can easily just walk away without a second glance...happy days and a lucky escape!