I just don't fancy him

[gobbledegoop]

I've been seeing this guy for a couple of months and on paper, he ticks a lot of boxes ie. he's really nice, romantic, considerate, proper job etc... only problem is, I don't find him sexually attractive.
Can relationships work without physical attraction??

[wileycoyote]

Yes, good question - what if you saw him with another woman - how would you feel?

[VelvetSpoon]

So he's not physically attractive to you but if he's hung like a donkey you might not mind so much?

I suggest you let this one go, and spend some time working on your self esteem, rather than settling for someone you don't fancy because it's better than being alone.

[Monty27]

Naice Sex

No, I'd rather have real ham

Naice sex wouldn't work for me.

[Beamur]

Frankly, if you don't fancy him at the outset with your oxytocin/beer goggles on you never will.
Sexual attraction does change in a long term relationship, but personally I'd like it to at least be good and lively to start with.
Friendships work great without physical attraction...romantic ones...less so.
Also, ask yourself, if you were him, would you be happy in a relationship with someone who was lukewarm about you?

[gobbledegoop]

I guess I want to spend time with him as I want the happily ever after and on paper, he's great.
I think if I saw him with someone else I would be disappointed that he wasn't the one for me as he is such a nice guy but I just don't find him attractive...

[gobbledegoop]

Lol I don't have a problem being alone, I've been single on and off for years. I'm just trying to work out if this relationship is worth working on

[SolidGoldBrass]

No, dump him. Or you will talk yourself into an inertia relationship and make both of you miserable later on. Inertia relationships are what happens when two basically OK human beings form a couple because they are both single, both reasonably attractive (at least, not puke-inducing and not visibly mad) and, well, everyone around them is With Someone, and they are tired of being single, and the other person is quite nice really.
But at least one of them is aware that s/he is kind of biding his/her time until someone else comes along, At least one is probably gritting his/her teeth when sex occurs, or soon will be, as there's no real physical lust but having sex once a week or so is what Proper Couples ought to do.
These people either bore each other to death, or one falls in lust with someone else and bolts, or one gets so repulsed by the other's desire for sex that the relationship disintegrates.

Don't do it to yourself or him, OP. Move on.

[gobbledegoop]

So you think I should get rid because I don't fancy him?

[wileycoyote]

Yes

[BlueJumper]

Yes

[gobbledegoop]

But don't you think you can fall in love with people you don't fancy?

[BlueJumper]

But you're not in love with him are you? So why would you want to try To fall in love with someone you don't fancy?

[Monty27]

No! You can love them like an uncle/brother whatever, but you won't LOVE him.

Don't undersell your soul. talking from experience

[MissPryde]

In my experience, attraction has built over time. I prefer sex in a long term relationship because I think it gets more comfortable, and you learn each other's preferences more, and the sex gets better and better. I don't think you 'need' that initial hormonal attraction to have a great relationship. I would give it time. Don't marry him if you feel the same in a few months time, but see if you get used to each other and sex becomes more enjoyable and more exciting.

[Leavenheath]

Fall in love with someone you don't fancy?

Good grief no.

You're not even going to fall in lust with this one, are you?

Saying the sex with him was 'nice' is the equivalent of saying an ugly bloke with halitosis, deep pockets and terrible dress sense has 'a lovely smile'. Talk about being damned with feint praise!

[neiljames77]

Let's not forget it is still winter and he might have been cold.(I know, I know, I know. Just trying to stick up for the poor sod)

[Jemimapuddlemuck]

solidgoldbrass great post - I know so many couples who've followed that exact pattern.

[twolittlebundles]

The face that you're asking the question gives you your answer about him

[twolittlebundles]

fact (not face)

[FolkGirl]

I'd end it if I were you.

It might feel like you're throwing something potentially good away. But If you don't fancy him now, you're never going to. And you might love him, but you're never going to be in love with him. And 'nice sex' with someone you don't fancy because they tick a lot of other boxes, like "has a proper job" will get pretty depressing after a while.

[Chuckthefucklebrothers]

SolidGoldBrass - that is exactly where I've found myself. We've been married for five years. He's moving out tomorrow. It's utterly heartbreaking, I really thought we could make it work because he's such a good bloke, but it just feels like a lie.

[fiftyandfab]

Jesus NO! What's the actual point? Life is for living. Isn't it?

[JaceyBee]

What SGB said.

If the sex is merely 'nice' now it will be toe curlingly awful in the future. Just look at it as you've made a nice new friend and keep looking for a partner who does do it for you physically too. You don't need to be with a man so badly that you have to settle for this one.

[PublicEnemyNumeroUno]

Just let him go, when your first with somebody the sex should be electric, you should be all over each other, not describing is as 'nice'

[Dahlen]

Totally agree with SGB on this one. I've seen that unfold so many times. Don't do it OP.

Speaking as someone who's done the nice-but-no-real-chemistry relationship and the lots-of-passion-but-he's-a-fuckwit relationship, and is now in a relationship with someone absolutely lovely who also does it for me physically, I'd say hold out for it all. Admittedly I was single for a great many years before finding him by accident, but it's far better to be on your own and just have ONSs than it is to have regular sex with one person who, however nice, just isn't right for you IMO.